


Coming Home

by leftmywingshome



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Canon, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:28:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 86,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6639580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftmywingshome/pseuds/leftmywingshome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth didn't die. She survived in more ways than one and she has had to fight to find her way back to the others. They call it home and she is trying to make it that, but she isn't the girl she was before. She's strong, but eventually everyone has their breaking point. This story took on a life of its own and I am just going with it..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The Meadow

The late afternoon sun fell across a meadow in the middle of a wooded area Daryl and the others had taken cover in. They were trying to determine which direction Negan and his Saviors would be coming from when the retaliation began. Because there would be a retaliation. Daryl was sure of that. You couldn’t just blow up the bad guys minions with an RPG and expect him to turn tail and run. He was coming. No one knew when, just that it was going to happen.

Daryl stood up and stretched his legs. He walked to the tree closest to the meadow and scanned the area again. Behind him in one of the tallest trees, Glenn was perched as lookout. The tree afforded Glenn a wider view of the area than Daryl had. Carol was about 800 yards to Daryl's right scouting the woods for signs of anything. The man who called himself Jesus had drawn them a crude map of the area and the place he and his people believed Negan had based his community. Rick and the group had decided that this was the best course of action while they tried to rebuild Alexandria. They’d watch and wait and catch Negan before he found them. That was the plan anyway. And that was fine with Daryl. He wanted to catch this guy, needed to protect his family. But so far it had been a lot of sitting, watching and waiting. They had been on the edge of this meadow since early this morning. In two days they’d move their home base a couple of miles further east unless they found reason or proof that this direction was futile. Daryl lit another cigarette and leaned back against a tree.

* * *

Along the edge of the meadow a young woman maneuvered her way through a barbed wire fence. A gray leather jacket protected her skin from a stray barb that caught on her elbow. She tugged it away and dipped under the last wire. Blonde braids bounced on her back in sharp contrast with the black lace up combat boots and knife at her hip. She groaned and let out a shaky breath. She had been moving nonstop for two days and she was tired. The scar on her cheek did little to mar her beauty. The world was ugly, it had done unspeakable things to her, but she still carried a little bit of that light that made her shine. Her blue eyes, one which was ringed with a purple bruise, were clouded not with fear, but anger and resignation. She checked the pistol in her shoulder holster and kept moving forward. She watched the ground, the trees around her, always tracking, but not really sure what she was looking for. A way out of this nightmare would be a start.

There was an opening in the trees ahead and the young woman paused. Without the forest for camouflage she was putting herself at risk of being seen. She negotiated her way over a couple of fallen logs, favoring her left side and tried to ignore the injury there. It was more important that she kept moving, getting as far away as possible from the monsters. A walker stumbled out of the bushes in front of her. That was a monster she could manage. She took her knife from its sheath and moved forward, but the walker tripped suddenly and forced her beyond the tree line into the meadow.

* * *

Daryl saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He raised a hand to his forehead shading his vision.There was definitely something or someone over there. Giving a low whistle he signaled Glenn. He reached for the rifle he’d left leaned against a tree. But something about what he saw made him pause. Leaving the rifle, he reached for the borrowed crossbow he'd found in the armory and lowered his face to the scope. Small, blonde, and completely disregarding the fact that they’d exposed themselves, the person on the other side of the meadow moved forward. Towards Daryl. Something about that walk and the way they carried themselves froze him in his tracks. He must have lost his mind, finally after all the horrors he’d witnessed, he was breaking because she had come back. Stepping lightly in the meadow, not paying any attention to her surroundings, he used to call her on that constantly. _“Beth keep your eyes open!”_ His voice was an echo in a memory that broke his heart again and again. But that memory had materialized right in front of him. He lowered the bow and quickened his pace.

* * *

Struggling with the walker, she shuddered as she finally sank her knife into its temple. A prickly feeling at the back of her neck prompted her to scan the meadow. Someone was there, possibly a man, but he was still too far away for her to be certain. The person was standing just outside the trees on the other side of the meadow. She was sure they’d already seen her. She had been standing there staring longer than she really should have. Just as she was about to drop and crawl back into the safety of the trees they raised a crossbow. The world titled for a second and her breathing quickened, her heart was suddenly pounding in her chest. Not thinking of her own safety she stepped out into the meadow. All she saw was angel wings and sapphire blue eyes.

“Daryl,” she whispered. Her voice sounded strange after such little use of it. His name was just as foreign. Ignoring the fire that exploded at her side as she pushed her tired body to go faster, she was intent only on reaching him and making sure she hadn’t died or wasn’t dreaming.

If this was a dream it refused to behave as her past dreams had because he was there. Daryl was standing right there in front of her, flesh and blood. He looked at her like she was another dead girl. 

“I’m not dead. I survived.” Beth said softly.


	2. She's Alive

Daryl took two steps forward and his hand was on her cheek. It was warm and soft. Real. All the air left his lungs. This was Beth. He hadn’t lost his mind. 

“You… How..” he tried to form the words that his brain was screaming ‘-you’re dead- -you’re dead-’ His fingers on her cheek trembled as he searched her face, noted the scars and bruise.

“Dr. Edwards found me. In the trunk of that car. The one you left me in.” This wasn’t an accusation. She was just stating the facts. But each word felt like a knife being twisted around and around in his heart. Suddenly his hands weren’t worthy of her skin and he dropped them limply to his sides. He tilted his head and looked at her and little by little the dawning realization of what those words implied struck him.

“I left you behind. You weren’t dead. And I, I just left you… Behind,” he said flatly.

_~ Suddenly they were surrounded by walkers. Daryl couldn’t keep going with her body in his arms. The others were fighting and he saw the open trunk. He laid her body in it. It wouldn’t close, the latch was broken. On the ground beside the car was a yellow ribbon. He grabbed it and tied the trunk shut. Leaving the ribbon dangling, he looked back at the hospital, hoping that someone had seen, that someone would notice.~_

* * *

Beth bit down hard on her bottom lip, blinked back tears that threatened to fall. She wasn’t going to cry. Not now. Not after everything she had been through. She wouldn’t even let the sight of the one person in this entire fucked up world that had haunted her dreams and her every waking thought, bring her to tears. She had walked through hell all by herself without shedding a tear. She was strong. She just wasn’t sure she was strong enough to watch Daryl claw his way out of the hell he had just been dropped in by his own volition. Because Daryl Dixon was damned to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.

She watched as his guilt and pain inevitably turned to agitation and then slowly began the transformation into rage. Daryl had never been very good at expressing his feelings, either he broke or he lashed out. Almost instinctively she stepped in to pull him back from wherever it was his anger was going to take him. Her hands grabbed his leather vest, and this, the first physical contact they shared unbalanced Daryl. She saw this, like she saw everything in regards to him. To the world he was a wall, but to her he was like a book just begging to be read.

“What you did.. If you hadn’t.. The trunk protected me from the walkers. The yellow ribbon, Dr. Edwards saw it, he found me.” Beth talked softly watching his face, willing herself to believe these words so he would, because she didn’t believe them, not completely. Her knuckles were white from gripping his vest so tightly. She was strong, yes. But he was stronger because when he broke, she broke too. His hands rough and callused, were on her face. His fingers traced the scars there, ghosted lightly over the bruise. He wiped his face with the back of his hand and Beth saw the wetness there. Tears. She held her breath and tensed up, a wave of pain flared up in her side. 

“Who hurt ya Beth? Who did this?” His eyes searched hers and she just wanted to close her eyes, turn her head, anything to keep him from looking at her, into her, like only he ever could. There were things she didn’t want him seeing.

“The Saviors, Negan sent the Saviors to the hospital. They took a bunch of us. Forced us to go.” Beth’s voice was barely a whisper. The adrenaline rush from earlier had worn off and her side was throbbing, making it almost impossible to breathe. She reached inside her jacket and pressed her hand against the wound. It came out covered in blood.

“Yer bleeding!” Daryl reached for her jacket, but Beth took a small step backwards out of his reach. She could do this on her own. 

“They had knives. It happened when I was trying to get out.” she took a deep breath and pulled her blood soaked t-shirt up revealing a small gash low on her side. She could tell by the expression on Daryl’s face that he was unsure of how to approach her now. “Do you have bandages or anything?” she asked softly. They both jumped at the sound of Glenn’s voice.

“Daryl what’s going on? You need to get out of this meadow.. “ Beth regarded her brother-in-law and she felt a sinking in her stomach when the expression on his face mirrored Daryl’s when he first saw her, disbelief. And maybe just maybe she had lost a little too much blood. Her head was spinning and she cautiously sat down in the grass.

“We need ta get her ta the truck. She’s hurt.” Daryl reached down and effortlessly picked her up in his arms. The familiarity of this simple gesture was like a memory of another time. She didn’t have the strength to fight him and if she was being completely honest with herself she needed this, needed to feel safe. At least for now. 

“Beth?” Glenn was still standing there. Beth didn’t know what to say to him. She gave him a small smile. Still holding her in his arms, Daryl pushed past Glenn.

“Tell Carol I’m coming and double back and make sure she wasn’t followed.” This was the Daryl she remembered. Gruff and barking orders. Glenn ran ahead and Beth watched as Carol met him and they both looked to where her and Daryl made their way out of the meadow.


	3. I Wish I Could Just Change

Daryl held her in his arms and tried to shake the images of the last time he’d held her like this. This time was different. This time she was alive. She’d been alive this whole time. She’d never died. He was having a very hard time wrapping his head around this.

“Daryl I can walk. It’s okay,” Beth’s voice was small. He reluctantly put her down. She stepped away from him putting space between them, but she gazed up at him. Their eyes met and it wasn’t his Beth that he saw. There was a darkness in her eyes. He couldn’t tell if it was pain or fear, but it was darkness where there always used to be light.

“Beth..” he said quietly. But she shook her head, dismissing him and turned away just as Carol walked up. 

“Beth?” Oh my god! You’re alive? How…” Carol had tears in her eyes as she hugged Beth.

“Yeah I’m alive. Pretty sure God had nothing to do with it though,” Beth said. The small smile on her face didn’t reach her eyes. Daryl noted this and he heard the cynicism in her voice. He disregarded it for now and reached out and put his hand on her arm. He needed to feel her, needed that tactile assurance that she was still here with him. But, damn it tore at his heart to see the passive expression on her face and the way she was shutting down in regards to him.

“She got cut,” Daryl said gruffly. “We need the first aid kit.” Carol led the way back to the camouflaged moving van. Once they were inside the back of the truck Beth shrugged off her jacket and Daryl heard the small groan that she emitted with the action. He expected she was hurting. He glanced at the jacket on the floor stained with blood. Her blood. And he felt completely helpless.

* * *

Beth took in her surroundings. The back of the moving van was obviously a temporary shelter. She had no idea what was going on or why a group was out here on their own. Her sense of disconnect was so strong right now. Where did she fit in? Shouldn’t she be feeling elated? These people were her family. And Daryl. She’d found him. But it felt nothing like she’d imagined. Because what she’d been imagining all this time was him, them coming back and finding her. No one had come back. Beth flinched when Carol reached out for her t-shirt.

“Oh! I’m sorry Beth. I just want to check it out,” Carol smiled at her and Beth reached down and lifted the hem of her t-shirt up.

“It’s not a clean cut. I’m just gonna butterfly it for now. Denise will probably want to stitch it up when we get back,” Carol gestured to a pallet on the floor. Daryl’s shadow fell across her as he sat down by her head and leaned against the wall of the truck. 

“Who’s Denise?” Beth asked. She rolled over onto her right side. She wiggled around trying to find the best position to lay. Daryl scooted over and patted his leg inviting her to rest her head there. She hesitated for a moment and then laid down. One braid slipped off her shoulder. 

“She’s our doctor. In Alexandria,” Carol said. She started pulling supplies from the first aid kit.

“You have a doctor?” Beth said softly. She looked back over her shoulder. His eyes were on her. Daryl had heard her. And her braid was threaded through his fingers. He dropped it when he realized she’d seen, like he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to. 

“This is going to sting some Beth,” Carol said. Beth smelled the antiseptic before she felt it. Sharp and strong. It reminded her of her daddy and his doctor bag. Then it was just fire. She sucked in her breath through gritted teeth. She felt Daryl’s hand in hers.

“Squeeze it if ya have to.” he said. But she already was and she bit down hard on her lip and tasted blood. Sweat was beading on her forehead and neck. She tried not to groan, but it hurt so bad she felt nauseous. Carol laid gauze over the wound and taped it up.

“Okay all done. That should protect it for now,” Carol said. Beth rolled over onto her back, her eyes were closed and a tear slid silently down her cheek. She brushed it away and opened her eyes. 

“You okay?” Daryl asked. There was so much concern in his blue eyes. She nodded and cautiously sat up and leaned back against the truck wall. She was lying and she knew he could see right through it. He didn’t call her on it though and for that she was thankful. Sometimes it was easier just not to say anything. 

“Ok, I’m going on to check on Glenn,” Carol said. Beth watched as Carol knelt in front of her. “Thank you for saving me, I know you did.” Carol put her hand on Beth’s cheek. She smiled and Beth tried to smile back, but she knew it was weak. Carol glanced at Daryl and Beth watched the exchange between them. Daryl wasn’t smiling and Carol’s face fell a little, her brow furrowed. “We should probably head back.” Carol stood and when Daryl didn’t respond she turned and left.

* * *

Daryl stopped imagining a reunion after he carried Beth’s body out of Grady hospital. He’d gone over and over all of the ways the outcome could have been different, how the kidnapping could have been avoided completely. Then Beth would have still been with him. That was before. This was now. She was here now. She was alive now. His arms ached to hold her. It wasn’t go to work like that though. Not now. That night at the table in the funeral home flashed back in his mind. He’d been so afraid to answer Beth’s question about believing there were still good people that all he had done was look at her. But it was too late for that now wasn’t it?

“Beth I..” He tried again. If he could just get past her fucking name. He needed to say something, this was ridiculous. She was here! He had been given a fucking second chance by whatever or whoever decided these things, but as usual he was silent. 

“Daryl why did you put my body in that trunk?” she asked calmly. Okay that was a slap in the face. Was she purposely trying to push him to his breaking point again? Didn’t she realize he felt a huge amount of guilt for all of this? Losing her then finding her and then losing her again. His hands broke out in a sweat. There wasn't any malice is her big blue eyes as she looked at him. Sadness, yes. Bitterness, maybe. Darkness definitely.

“I thought you were dead,” he mumbled. Saying that was like ripping a scab off a healing wound. She had been dead! He’d held her dead body in his arms! He never would have walked away if he’d been given any reason to believe that wasn’t true. If those fucking walkers hadn't come he would've held onto Beth's body until she was physically ripped from his arms.

“You could have left me on the ground,” she still spoke calmly even though what she was saying was insanity. 

“I didn’t want the walkers gettin’ ya. Maybe someone would find ya, or we’d come back..” He struggled to maintain composure. She said putting her in the trunk had saved her! What was she trying to do? He’d never said anything to anyone else about how he’d felt leaving her body that day, how he’d wanted to carry her with him because he wasn’t ready to let her go, dead or alive. This was too much. He felt his blood pressure rising and he just needed to get out. Pushing himself up off the floor he forced himself to walk to the door. “What do you want from me Beth? What am I supposed to say?” he hated the pleading tone in his voice, hated that she had him to the point where he would have done anything to get her to stop pushing him.

* * *

Beth felt horrible. She saw exactly what her words were doing to Daryl. What he had done had saved her life. But a very small part of her heart didn’t understand how he hadn’t felt her, known she was alive. This part of her was a sad little girl who had been left behind inside a terrible nightmare by the one person she had come to trust completely. She didn’t want to hurt him, didn’t really mean to. She put her head down and rested her hands on her thighs.

“Nothin’. I don’t want nothin’,” she said softly. Daryl turned on his heel and then he was gone. She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and stood up slowly using the wall to help her. It hurt like hell, but it would be impossible to just sit there. His absence screamed at her in the silence. 

“Beth?” Glenn came through the door smiling at her like she was a gift. He reached down and picked up the jacket at her feet and held it out to her. She smiled at him tentatively.

“Are we leavin’?” she asked in a voice that reminded her too much of a broken girl from the past.

“Yeah. We’re gonna go home to Alexandria.” he said.

“You call it home?” she asked. That was so foreign to her. She’d lost her home, but they had one. They had gone on and built a home. 

“Well that’s what it is. For now. It’s where everyone is. It’s where Maggie is.” he smiled. Maggie. Her big sister, whose arms were safe and Beth could hide in them, from herself and her demons. And maybe she’d find her home there again.


	4. Alexandria

Daryl steered around a couple of broken down cars and some fallen tree branches that littered the road. They hadn’t cleared them completely so it wasn’t obvious these roads were being used. He glanced in the rear-view mirror when he heard Glenn talking to Beth.

“Beth what happened?” Glenn asked gently. Daryl saw her body stiffen. She didn't answer right away, just continued to stare out the window. She sighed and he saw her shoulders droop in resignation. 

“I told Daryl, Dr. Edwards found me. In the trunk,” she said. Those fucking words-again. Daryl gripped the steering wheel so tight it turned his knuckles white. He glanced in the mirror again and saw how she had pressed herself against the car door, so close as if she could disappear.

“How come it wasn't obvious to us you weren't… What did we miss?” Glenn asked. ‘Just shut the fuck up Glenn- please,’ Daryl thought.

“We?! Ya mean me!” Daryl said bitterly. “I carried her out. I shoulda known!” Daryl slammed his foot down on the brakes and jerked the car into park. His heart pounded as he grabbed the crossbow and climbed out of the car.

“Daryl! Where are you going?” He heard Carol call out to him. When he turned to answer her he was taken aback for a minute. Because Beth had gotten out of the car too. She was standing in the middle of the road and she looked so small, so lost. He could just grab her hand and they could run and it could be like before, when it was only them and he’d let her get close to him. Hell! He’d wanted her close. ‘God forbid you ever let anyone get too close.’ He shuddered at the memory. ‘Oh girl.. you don't even know.’

“I ain’t doing this! I’ll meet y’all back at Alexandria.” Walking backwards, he answered Carol’s question, but his eyes were on Beth the entire time.

* * *

Beth had noticed Glenn watching her closely on the drive back to Alexandria. She hadn’t offered any explanations about anything, but she realized he must have had a million questions. She’d just walked out of the woods, bleeding and bruised, but alive and the last time Glenn saw her he thought she was dead. They all had thought she was dead. That would be an easier story to tell than the one she carried now. When the million dollar question was finally asked she wasn’t surprised at Daryl’s reaction because it was completely Daryl. It was what he had said, the words he chose, ‘I carried her out. I shoulda known.’ that bewildered her. They were so similar, eerily similar to what she felt in her heart. ‘She didn’t understand how he hadn’t felt her, hadn’t known she was alive.’

When he reached for the crossbow she knew he was running away, something else that didn't surprise her. This is what Daryl did. Except not now. She needed him now, didn't she? She stood in the road watching him, watching her. ‘Say something.’ Beth thought to herself. The words were right there in her head. The ones she could say to bring him back. But like an explanation for her mysterious appearance she couldn’t get the words in her brain to find their way to her mouth.

“Come on Beth. He’ll be okay. He knows his way around these woods better than all of us.” Carol called to her and she forced herself to go back, looking over her shoulder one last time, but he was gone. Vanished into the trees.

“He’s wearing my knife.” she said softly. She had seen it, hanging there on his hip next to his own knife. Curious, she was curious and she wanted to point to it and ask why. He had thought she was dead, why did he have her knife?

Carol froze where she stood waiting by the car. She turned slowly and faced Beth. “It was in the stuff from the hospital. I gave it to him, after everything. I thought he should have it.” Carol paused and then said, “He hasn’t taken it off.” Beth swallowed hard, this was too much, it was all too much. She dug her elbow into the dressing that covered her wound. The sudden, sharp pain gave her a release, something easier to focus. Besides the fact that for some reason Daryl had held onto her knife like a talisman. She’d wanted to ask him why, now she knew.

* * *

Daryl barely heard his own footsteps as he made his way through the trees. Here he was calm. This was what he knew. He could find his way out of this. He couldn’t handle all the emotions he had been feeling since Beth had walked into that meadow. His heart had soared when he had touched her face and realized she was real and not just a figment of his imagination. Because that had happened a lot. She was there, but not there. Daryl always woke up covered in sweat with his heart pounding after these nightmares. When the nightmares started coming when he was awake he told himself if it got too bad he could just leave, just walk into a horde and be done with it. Or he could teach himself to accept it as part of his life now. After Beth. Turned out it wasn’t that hard. And in a sick and twisted way he kind of liked having her there even if she was just a fucked up apparition in his broken mind.

Three walkers up ahead in the trees caught his attention. He raised the bow and easily took out two. He took a closer look at the last one. It was a small blonde female. Her hair was matted with leaves and twigs. She stumbled as she made her way towards him. Daryl shook his head and pulled out his knife. He held her back with one hand on her forehead and plunged the knife into her temple with the other. She fell motionless onto the ground. Her hand landed on his boot and he kicked it away. Retrieving his bolts he headed off into the woods.

* * *

Beth sat up suddenly gasping for air. Bad dreams again. The car was stopped so maybe that had woke her. Looking around she was immediately confused and she knew she was staring wide eyed at everything that seemed impossible that was all around her. Walls. Houses. Streets. A man was at the gate where they were stopped and he opened it to let them in.

“That’s Eugene. He joined us awhile back,” Glenn said to Beth. She nodded more to herself than anything.

“We’re early. They won’t be expecting us yet,” Carol said. Beth wondered how many “they” were, because this was like a town. Beth noticed Maggie walking down the street they drove in on.

“Well here we go,” Carol said. She looked back at Beth and smiled. “You ready?” Beth nodded and took a deep breath. She really wasn’t ready, but she wasn’t going to say anything. Pain shot through her side as she maneuvered herself carefully on the seat so that she could get out of the car. But pain was good. It cleared her head. She stood up and for a minute she was blinded by the sunlight. Her eyes adjusted and she watched as Maggie came down the street. It was pretty easy to spot the exact moment her sister realized who she was. Maggie stopped and just stood there in the middle of the road. Dumbfounded. Maggie's was rarely dumbfounded, it was usually Bethy, her starry eyed little sister who was teased for moments like these. Beth fought back the urge to laugh, laughing wouldn’t be good right now. It wasn’t funny, seeing your dead sister comeback from the dead. Or was it? Maggie tentatively walked towards her. Beth was suddenly nervous and there was a gnawing in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t want to do this. She wanted to crawl back into the safety of the car.

“Beth?” Maggie whispered. 

“Hi Maggie.” she said. Maggie was smiling and she reached out to hug her sister.

“How? I don’t understand.” Maggie was crying now and Beth awkwardly patted her back. She didn’t understand why she felt so confused. Shouldn’t she feel safe here? In her sister’s arms? She didn’t feel safe at all. In fact she just wanted to push her sister away. Daryl’s touch may have unnerved her, but Maggie’s made her angry. She wasn’t completely sure why. Over Maggie's shoulder she saw Rick, with Carl carrying Judith right behind him. When she made eye contact with the sheriff he started running towards her. What she felt right then she knew she should have felt with Maggie, but she hadn’t. 

“Rick..” Beth whispered and Maggie must have heard her because she moved aside and let Beth be pulled into Rick’s arms. Beth buried her face in his chest and she was crying, so much for not crying. She didn’t know what was different about Rick’s arms, but that longing to feel safe, to feel some what home was here. Not with Maggie and Daryl, well Daryl was so much more that just home. If Carol hadn’t been there to call her back to the car, Beth would have followed those wings into the forest. She would have followed them straight to hell if that’s where they led her. So these tears, they were about Daryl too. And probably Maggie because she knew she should have felt something more when her sister hugged her.

“Beth it’s okay. You’re home. You’re safe,” Rick brushed the hair from her face and he smiled at her. “You’ve got some explaining to do young lady!” His taunts made her laugh, smile. The anger she felt towards Maggie and the pain that came with being near Daryl went away for awhile. It wasn’t gone, but it was letting her breath. Word must have got out quick because soon she was surrounded. There were familiar faces, Carl and Judith, Michonne and Sasha. There were so many that were missing and so many she didn’t recognize. She was overwhelmed and felt her smile falter. It was all a little too much. She’d been alone for so long. Alone and not held or loved or made to feel like a member of any family. This was hard.

“Beth you really need to go and see Denise,” Carol spoke to her as if this was something they had talked about, something Beth was aware of, but it wasn’t. Carol nodded slightly when Beth’s eyes met hers. She was giving Beth a way out. 

“What happened?” Rick asked. He put his hand on Beth’s shoulder. She glanced at Maggie. “Are you hurt?”

“Just some bumps and bruises. I looked her over, but I’d feel better if Denise did too.” Carol smiled.

“Are you okay?” Maggie asked concerned. Beth felt scrutinized under her sister’s gaze. Always judging, Maggie was. 

“She’s going to be fine. Let’s let her get settled. Maggie why don’t we go find her some clothes. You know her best. Michonne you were going by Denise’s weren’t you? Can you take Beth and introduce her?” Beth watched Carol closely. The woman was doing everything she could to get away from the crowd. Beth appreciated it. More than Carol could possibly know. Beth caught her eye and she gave a tiny nod.

“Yeah sure. Come by after and we can figure out where you’ll stay.” Maggie smiled. Beth should have felt good seeing her sister smiling back at her after all this time. But she didn’t. Carol and Maggie went one direction and Michonne pointed Beth in the other. 

“Take Judith and go home Carl. I’ll be right there,” Rick said. He caught up to Michonne and Beth.

“Beth what’s going on? Back there you seemed really uncomfortable. Carol noticed it too. She even gave you a way out. Are you hurt?” Rick asked.

“Can I stay with you? Is there room?” Beth disregarded Rick’s questions. She also noticed that he shared a “look” with Michonne.

“We have an extra room, of course you can stay with us. But why not Maggie, she’s your sister.” Michonne asked.

Beth looked down at the ground. Taking a deep breath she asked, “Do I have to answer that now?” She was exhausted, her side was aching and she really wasn’t sure how to answer that question. She glanced over at Michonne and Rick and something in her face softened their expressions. She was fully aware of the fact that she had that effect on people. Her innocent face and petite frame, it was like she needed to be taken care of and she had always used that to her advantage to a certain extent. More often than not it proved to be a fatal mistake for most, but not these people. They were her family. They wouldn’t have left her behind if they’d known she was still alive. Eventually she would be able to believe that wholeheartedly. Michonne smiled at her and Rick looked at her questioningly. 

“No I guess it can wait, but Beth you need to tell me if you’re hurt,” he said. 

Beth sighed and opened her jacket. The blood stained t-shirt stuck to the bandage as she pulled it. The bandage Carol had put on it earlier was soaked with blood. “Carol did what she could, but I think I need stitches,” she said.

“I guess you don’t want to tell me what happened here either?” Rick asked. Beth shook her head.

“I will. After I see the Doctor. I’ll tell you everything. But it’s a long story,” Beth said. It was. A very long story. 

“Yeah? Well I think it’s time to tell it,” he said. Beth pulled her shirt down and looked at him.

“Okay,” she said quietly. There no was no way around this much longer. She was going to have to tell them what she had been through and what she’d done to get here. 

“Hey, where’s Daryl?” Rick asked. Beth stiffened. Where was Daryl? If he was here would any of this be any easier? 

“He, he wanted to walk,” she said softly. She’d pushed too hard and he couldn’t handle it so he walked was really what she should have said.

“Look I know Daryl, he blamed himself for the kidnapping and then your death. He takes it upon himself to be the personal savior for the people he loves. I think this has been the hardest on him and I don’t think he had fully accepted it and now, well here you are. I just figured he’d be your shadow right now,” Rick said gently.

Beth bit gently at her bottom lip. She clasped her hands in front of her. “ I don’t think I was what he expected, when I came back,” she said quietly. Tears pricked her eyes, but she blinked them back. Rick looked perplexed. Michonne put her arm around Beth. It was oddly comforting given that this woman had been so emotionally withdrawn before the prison fell. Beth wondered what had happened and if it had anything to do with Rick.

“We can talk about everything later. Let’s get you looked at,” She gave Rick a look that said this is over for now and she led Beth down the street to the infirmary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Credit for the medical explanations (all though somewhat messy on my part) goes to #TD theories I read all over tumblr. And as of this writing, the descriptions for the Factory were taken from the comics since we have not seen them on the show yet.**


	5. A Story To Tell

A blonde woman opened the door before they even knocked. Beth assumed this was Denise.

“Hi, Beth right?” she held out her hand. Beth looked at her outstretched looked at it and then back at Michonne. How did Denise know who she was already? Michonne gave a little nod and Beth reached out and took her hand. 

“Yeah, I’m Beth. But how did you….”

“Small town..” Denise laughed at her own joke. “I’m Denise. Come on in,” Beth followed the woman into a converted examination room. She glanced around the house as they walked through it. “Have a seat up here.” she said patting a table.

“Um, I think I better lie down,” Beth said slipping her coat off. She pulled up the blood stained shirt to give Denise a better look. She wondered if there would ever be a time when blood wasn't a normal part of her wardrobe. Would it ever be possible to get through one day without blood being shed?

“Oh! Well yeah I’d say so! What happened?” Denise busied herself with the supplies needed for stitches. Beth stretched out on the table and felt all the tension leave her body. If she stayed here long enough she could probably fall asleep. It had been a long time since she had a decent nights sleep.

“I was stabbed.” Beth said. “Two days ago.” Denise pushed a cart over to the table where Beth was lying.

“Well I heard that you had been kidnapped and then killed. Now you’re here and you’re alive, but it looks like you had to put up a fight.”

“That’s basically the way it went, except I wasn’t dead and actually I was kidnapped a second time by the Saviors for a man called Negan. And I did fight, to get away, something I should have done the first time.” Beth’s face darkened at that memory.She glanced at Michonne and saw the shock registered on her face.

“You were with Negan?” she asked. Beth nodded, uncomfortable with the way Michonne was staring at her.

“We know about Negan.” Denise removed Beth’s old bandage oblivious to Michonne’s reaction to Beth’s revelation. Her smile faded a little and her brow furrowed.

“How long?” Michonne was by the table now. Did it really matter how long? Time was inconsequential. She had been with that monster, with all of them and the in and of itself was enough wasn't it?

“Can we talk after? With Rick so I can avoid having to tell this story again and again?” Beth sucked in her breath as Denise pulled the rest of the tape from the bandage off.

“You haven’t told anyone else? Daryl?” Michonne asked her.

Beth shook her head. “I told him a little, but a reunion with a dead girl kind of leaves everyone speechless.” she said through gritted teeth.

“No more talking. Let’s get this stitched up.” Denise said. She raised a syringe up and tapped it. Beth felt a slight sting in her side above the wound. “Pain killer,” Denise said when Beth looked at her. Something Carol hadn’t had and Beth was grateful. It began to work immediately and all the rough edges that her world consisted of right now began to smooth out. Once the stitches were done and bandaged Denise stepped back and spoke Michonne.

“Can I talk to Beth alone? Kind of a doctor patient confidentiality thing.” she asked. Michonne’s eyes were on Beth. 

“Okay. I’ll wait outside.” she said. Beth struggled to sit up, it didn’t hurt much anymore thanks to the pain medicine, but the bandage made it awkward. Denise took her arm and helped her. 

“You said you were with the Saviors? And Negan?” Denise asked. She was looking intently at Beth. Beth nodded. She looked down at her hands on her lap and she had a feeling she knew where this line of questioning was going. “We know these men are savages Beth. If they hurt you, forced you too.. Look I’m here to help. Before the world went to shit I was finishing my degree in psychology and I was interning in a women’s center. I dealt with a lot of victims of rape and abuse.” Denise sat on a stool beside her. Beth clenched her fists in her lap. She wanted to cry, but that was just the old Beth waking up. Being with her family was making her feel things, remember things. She hadn’t cried the entire time she’d been on her own, but now it wasn’t as easy to push everything into that dark little corner of her mind. This woman genuinely wanted to help, Beth felt that, but she wasn’t ready to accept that she needed that help. 

“I’m okay. I fought back.” She took a deep breath and sat up straight. “It wasn’t, he didn’t.. It wasn’t that bad. I’m okay.” Beth struggled to stay in control of the last shred of her sanity. Because this was the part that was going to push her over the edge if she let it. She was lying, obviously. Lying because right now she didn’t want to go to that place.

Denise put her hand on Beth’s. “Well I’m here. We have everything we need to deal with anything that could come up. Please come see me if you want to. Sometimes just talking can help. And I’m a good listener or so I’ve been told.” 

“Thank you,” Beth said and she genuinely meant it. She pushed herself off the exam table. She was a little light headed. Denise must have noticed because she put a hand on Beth’s elbow to steady her.

“Oh yeah the pain meds might make you feel a little funny. Kind of like being drunk,” she smiled.

Drunk on moonshine and burning down a cabin. That was her only experience with feeling like this. It was kind of the same feeling. It was a good feeling. Like letting go of all the bad feelings without forgetting how they had shaped her. She felt lighter.

“Will it wear off right away?” she asked. She didn’t want to feel the pain from the stitches, but she also liked not feeling much of anything else.

“Not for a little while. And I’m sending a few more pain pills with you. That’s going to hurt for awhile,” Denise handed her a small brown bottle that the old label had been torn off of. “Take one every six hours if you need it,” She also handed Beth a brown bag that contained extra first aid supplies. “Make sure when you shower you tape a plastic bag over the bandage,” Beth nodded and turned to the door. There was that nice floaty feeling. Denise held her elbow again to steady her as they stepped out into the foyer where Michonne was waiting.

“The pain meds are working pretty good right now. She’s a bit wobbly,” Denise told Michonne. Michonne stepped in next to Beth and they walked out the front door. “Come back in a few days and I’ll check it Beth. It was nice meeting you. I’m.. well I am really glad you’re alive!” 

Beth laughed a little at that. “She’s nice.” Michonne looked over at her. “I’ve only met one really nice person since the shooting at Grady and she was a fucked up mess like me.” Beth was rambling. The pain meds had definitely loosened her tongue. It made her think of the moonshine and Daryl and for the moment that was a sweet memory. Michonne took her hand and helped her up the stairs once the got to the house. Beth looked around and wondered if it was the meds or if this place really did look like it was a dream. 

“Takes some getting use too,” Michonne said. 

Rick must have been watching for them because he opened the door as they climbed the stairs. Beth wandered in past him trying to look everywhere at once.

“Everything go okay?” Rick asked.

“Oh yeah. Right now the pain meds are making it all good. Right Beth?” Michonne said.

“Yeah I feel pretty good. No pain. Let’s get this conversation over with before the meds wear off. It isn’t a pretty story. Little Beth has ventured into the depths of hell,” she laughed hollowly. Michonne looked concerned and Rick shook his head. Beth pretended not to have seen and walked into the living room.

“Carol and Maggie dropped off some clothes. I told Maggie that you could stay here in our extra room,” Rick told her.Beth looked surprised. That was one less uncomfortable thing she had to do. She looked down at the laundry basket full of clothing.

“She wasn’t upset?” 

“A little disappointed, but Carol went on and on about how being here with Judith and Carl would be good for you. I think she bought it,” Rick said.

“That will make me happy. Judith is so big. I’ve missed so much.” She shook her head, “But it’s not a problem at all right? You have room?”

“Yep. It’s just me and Michonne, Carl and Judith,” Rick said. Beth eyed him. 

“Oh.. “ Then she looked at Michonne. “Oh!” She sat down gently on the couch. They sat on either side of her and she started to feel a bit trapped, but remembered these people were her family. They loved her and she supposed they needed to know what had happened. Maybe then they’d understand her pain and anger. Maybe it would make it easier to tell everyone else if they knew. They could help her. She just dreaded bring it all back up. She worked hard to push it all down deep. 

“So what happened Beth? How are you here? How are you even alive?” Rick got right to the point. The pain meds obviously couldn’t work miracle because they didn’t take all of the pain away. This was going to hurt. No one knew the entire story. Dr. Edwards knew what had happened when she was at hospital before the shooting because he witnessed Dawn’s abuse and he was a victim of it himself. He also wasn’t stupid and knew the dynamics and how power worked at Grady. Sheri, her only friend (if you could call her that) in the factory where the Saviors had taken her, knew a little. But most of it, the worst of it, was hidden in her head where even she didn’t have to think about it. Until now. Now she was forced to face it.

“ I was taken from the funeral home where Daryl and I were staying, it was a kidnapping. I’m sure Noah told you guys about that. The hospital took people in and then forced them to work off their “debt”. Some people were really injured and some like me were just taken. That’s how they run the place. I woke up in the hospital with a cast on my wrist. I think I broke it trying to get out of the car. Dawn made sure I knew that the hospital and her officers had rescued me and so I owed them. I asked about Daryl, but they said I was alone. I know that was a lie. He.. I saw him. He chased the car. He.. “ Beth took a deep breath and pushed that memory aside. “We were slaves. The women.. they were supposed to keep Dawn’s officers happy. It was horrible. One girl tried to commit suicide. She wanted out that bad. I fought back too, I… the one man who tried something with me, died. I tried to get out with Noah, but I was caught. I killed three men.” Beth paused. “I don’t know if they all deserved to die. But I killed them.” She said softly and looked over at Rick. He nodded at her to go on. “Carol showed up and I thought, well I figured maybe Noah found someone and you guys came tind me.. Then you all were there and I thought I was going home. But I didn’t go home.” She kept her explanation simple and to the point. It was the easiest way to get through this.

“Dr. Edwards told me that after the shooting you guys decided to leave. He said Daryl took my body and carried me out. He thought that once you all got out to the parking lot you were over ran by a horde. That’s what he said he saw from the windows anyway. Daryl put my body in the trunk of a car and he tied the trunk closed with a yellow ribbon. He figured that Daryl wanted someone to find me, or my body. And he went out as soon as it was clear and his plan was to take me and bury me. We had had a conversation before and I told him that we buried our loved ones, if we could. So that’s what he was gonna do. He told me, he said..” Beth paused and raised her fist to her lips. When she started speaking again her voice shook slightly. “He said that Daryl was really upset. He was crying while he carried me. And, and he wanted to honor me in the same way he felt Daryl and all of you would have,” Beth closed her eyes for a minute. She wasn’t sure why the thought of Daryl crying over her body hurt so much. Or why she felt heartsick for him. “When Dr. Edwards went to take my body from trunk he realized that I wasn’t dead. He said the physical changes that happen to the body after death weren’t happening. So he took me back into the hospital and checked my vitals. They were barely there because of the shock, but they were there. There was no way Daryl or any of you could have known any different. For all intents and purposes I was dead.” She watched Rick wipe his eyes. 

“I’m gonna get some water for you Beth,” Michonne said heading to the kitchen.

“Beth you have to tell Daryl this. He, he’s blaming himself,” Rick shook his head.

“I told him. He has to believe it now.” Beth knew Daryl would always feel guilty no matter what she said. That was just how he worked. Michonne came back with a glass of water and sat it on the table. “I was so angry. Angry that I got left behind, I couldn’t accept the fact that Daryl couldn’t tell I was alive and that he just walked away from me. My sister too, she should have known. Logically I know that everything Dr. Edwards explained to me makes perfect sense, but in my heart I just can’t let go of the fact that the two people I was closest to had no idea I was still in that broken body.” Beth wrapped her arms around her body tightly. Admitting this, that she felt this way, was extremely hard. And the thing was she still felt it to an extent. 

“So that’s why you want to be here?” Michonne asked. Beth just shrugged. But there was understanding in Michonne’s eyes and it eased Beth’s mind a little knowing that someone else understood some of the craziness in her head.

“Once he knew I was alive, Dr. Edwards operated to see exactly what had happened. He’s not a surgeon, but I guess he knew enough to figure out that the bullet had basically followed along the inside of my skull with some damage to the frontal lobe and then exited out the back. I don’t know what all of that really means and I may have missed a few things, but it didn’t kill me. I was in a coma for about 2 weeks after it happened. Another Dr. ended up coming to Grady looking for a safe place for his family and he offered his services to the hospital. I got lucky, he was a surgeon. He did another surgery before I woke up and repaired the damage to the back of my skull. When I came out of the coma and it seemed like I was okay, both doctors helped me rehabilitate. Because all I wanted was to find you guys and go home. I think I worked harder so that I could recover faster. They sent officers out looking for you guys, or any word of your group. They really tried to help me. After Dawn was killed the hospital was actually a good place to be. People there wanted to work together and rebuild. I just wanted to find you guys, I just wanted to go home,” Beth reached for the glass of water. Her hand shook as she sat it back down. That was the easy part. What was coming wasn’t gonna be easy. She glanced at the stairs and saw Carl sitting there. He held a finger to his lips. And she looked away.

“The Saviors came into the hospital once or twice when I was still in a coma. They made threats and the people there gave into them and gave them medicine and supplies just to get them to leave. But when they came back again they didn’t want supplies. They wanted to people. Or their boss wanted people. There were probably 20 men with guns and they went around picking who they were going to take with them. By then I was doing good. I helped out in the hospital wherever I was needed and that night I tried to help hide people. The older people. I knew these guys would just kill them or something worse. I was locking a group in a supply closet when one of the Savior's saw me. I threw the key down an elevator shaft so he couldn’t get to the people in the closet and he grabbed me by my hair and drug me back to the front of the hospital where all the others were. When he stopped I kicked his feet out from under him and used my elbow to break his nose. His friends thought that was hilarious and so he hit me, hard. I blacked out and when I came too I was in a van with my hands and feet tied up. No one else in the van was tied up. One guy told me not to fight back because they were gonna kill me. I remember telling him, we’re all dead anyway. And I believed it.” Beth’s stomach was in knots. She could remember all the people. Their faces and their fear. That van had smelled like fear. They were just a bunch of sheep being led to the slaughter. 

“There was no way to see out of the van's windows because they had blacked them out, but we only drove for maybe an hour. The van pulled into some kind of garage. Most the people in there with me were crying or praying by then. They opened the doors and had everyone get out and then they pulled me out.” Beth remembered that it was right at that moment she decided she wasn’t going to be a victim anymore. She was going to fight until she escaped or died. She really had nothing to lose. She did have one thing worth fighting for, one face that kept her going. It was Daryl. She knew that he’d expect her to fight. But she wasn’t going to tell Rick and Michonne that. They didn’t need to know. 

“When they pulled me out I fell on my knees and it hurt so bad I wanted to cry. The guy whose nose I broke pulled my hair to get me to stand up. Another man came through the crowd and by the way everyone in the room acted I figured this was Negan. He saw me and he laughed, said he heard they had a fighter on their hands and he wanted to see who had caused so much trouble for his boys. The guy who had me by my hair, he pushed me forward and said ‘this little bitch broke my nose.’ Negan punched the guy and said.. he said ‘that’s cause you’re a pussy!’ Then he came and got right in my face and said ‘I like them feisty.’ I spit in his face,” Beth smiled at that memory. She looked at Rick and Michonne, but they weren’t smiling. They both looked angry. “Are the details too much for you? You wanted me to tell my story. This is it. It’s not a fairy tale and it only gets worse. Can you handle it?” Beth wasn’t sure where the sudden anger came from. She didn’t want their sympathy. Not now. It was way too late for that.

“I don’t wanna handle it! I know those men are monster and to think that they.. They hurt you..” Rick said. Michonne reached over and put her hand on his arm.

“We need to know. And you need to tell it,” Michonne said.

Beth crossed her arms and continued. “Negan just wiped his face and laughed at me. He wasn’t fazed at all by what I had done. He had one of the men cut the rope that bound my legs and he helped me up. He told me that I was gonna make him a fine.. a fine wife.” Beth dropped her head to her chest and bit her lip. She was not going to cry and she wasn’t going to throw up. Although she wanted to do both. She focused on a painting on the wall of a tree. She counted the leaves and when she was back in control she continued. “They herded us like cattle into another huge room. The place was an abandoned factory. I found that out later. There were only about 15 of us that had come over in the van that time. I never saw any of the others, but I heard that they went back and took more people. They separated us. I was taken alone to a room that was like a cell. It had a barred door and inside there was a bed and a small bathroom. The man that took me there just pushed me inside and slammed the door. He told me Negan would deal with me soon. But hours went by and no one came. I had to use the bed to get up because my arms were still tied and then I spent, I don't know how long trying to loosen the rope enough to get out of it.” Beth laid her hands on her lap. There were still faint bruises on her wrists from the rope rubbing on her tender flesh. “I sat on the bed all night and forced myself to stay awake. Another man brought a tray of food the next morning. He wasn’t expecting me to have my hands free and I pushed the tray into his face and got out of the barred door. I ran, but didn’t get far. Two men were at the end of the corridor and they grabbed me. They argued over the fact that Negan said I was tied up until Negan showed up and shut them up. He put me back in that cell and I stayed there for at least a week. They sent food and I dumped it. They told me to shower and sleep and I didn’t do it. Finally they sent someone in to force me to do whatever Negan told me to do.” Beth rubbed her forehead. Forcing her to eat, bathe and sleep meant beating her when she refused. She couldn’t handle that. When they hit her on the head she felt like she’d black out and she didn’t want that. She stopped refusing after the first day. She was hurting so bad and she was terrified. But she also knew that if they broke bones she wouldn’t have any chance of escaping and she was still determined to escape that hell.

“The day they let me out they sent a woman in first. She was older than me and she was pretty. She told me that if I just did what Negan said he’d let me go with her and I’d be much happier there than in this cell. I asked her where she came from and she said she was Negan’s wife and that her and the other wives had a floor of their own and that I could come if I promised to behave. I could tell she was mocking Negan when she said I had to promise to behave. She asked me what my name was and I told her the truth. I said Beth because I wanted to hear someone say it back to me. I needed to remember it. That was the only thing I told her that was true. Well at least from before the hospital. She told me again to be good and go with her. She said, well she whispered to me that if I stayed down there I’d never make it out,” Beth felt the lump in her throat. She had told Sheri that she would do whatever it took to get out. She promised to behave. She realized she was just trading one part of hell for another, but there was something about the woman that gave her hope. She hadn’t felt that since the day they had wheeled Carol into Grady. “She reminded me of Carol and felt like I could trust her a little. So I did what she said,” Beth looked at Rick and he nodded.

“The wives had a floor to themselves. It was like a dormitory. Just beds and tables and chairs. There was a bathroom with showers. There were seven women there including Sheri. That was her name, Sheri,” Beth said.

“Was? You were talking about her earlier weren’t you? The only nice person you met. What happened to her?” Michonne asked.

Beth rocked back and forth on the couch. “Yeah that was her.. I’ll get to it eventually. I want to tell it like I remember it.” She smiled at Michonne and hated the sympathy she saw in the woman’s eyes. 

“When the other women saw me they shook their heads and a couple even laughed. One of them said ‘another young one, what the hell is he thinking? Didn’t he learn his lesson last time?’ I just got so angry.. I walked up to her and pushed her so hard she fell down. Two of the other wives grabbed me and held me. The woman I pushed said ‘I heard they had a problem child, you must be her. You’re dead you know.’ Sheri told her to shut up. I heard later that the last girl Negan had taken as a wife had committed suicide one night when everyone was asleep. She hung herself with a bed sheet. She was young. Younger than me. That’s the girl they had been comparing me too. Anyway I made a pretty bad first impression. None of the other wives liked me and if Sheri wasn’t around they spent their time tormenting me.” Beth felt sick as the memories came back slamming into her conscious like fists. They corned her more than once in the bathroom and held her while one of the men, the Saviors, touched her. Groped her like she wasn’t a person, just a thing, a toy to play with. And it hurt and sometimes left her bleeding. The guys gave them soda or cigarettes in exchange. They all thought she was a virgin so they never let the guys have sex with her. Because she belonged to Negan. 

“After about three weeks Negan showed up. When he walked in all the girls shut up and sat down. He walked around the room like some kind of god. He laughed, he was always laughing. He was crazy, and he, he grabbed at the women. And they never fought back! Why? I didn’t understand it. He watched me the whole time. I didn’t sit down, just stood there. I knew he’d hurt me, but I wanted to do something.. He walked over to me and grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back. I thought he broke it. It hurt so bad. He forced me to sit down on the bed. He said ‘don’t you know you're supposed to sit when I enter the room?’ He asked Sheri if I was behaving myself and she said I was. I don't think he believed her. He told her to get me ready, he’d be back later.” Beth stopped talking and just sat there. Her throat was sore from so much talking and her head was pounding. And she wished Carl wasn’t sitting on the steps listening.

“I found Sheri later, in the bathroom and she was.. She had a cigarette and she was burning herself. She didn’t even stop when she saw me. ‘Coping mechanism’ she said. She told me that I was going to have to go with Negan tonight when he came back ‘or he’ll kill us both’. I knew what she meant and I knew what was going to happen and I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. She cried for me. She told me then that she was done with all of this shit and that she was getting me out of there. ‘Somewhere there are people who love you aren’t there Beth? You’re gonna find them.’ I just had to get through that night and we’d figure out the rest. That was what I held on to while she dressed me in lingerie... and, and make-up and brushed my hair.” Beth fingered a braid that laid on her shoulder.”She said that Negan didn’t believe what he was doing was wrong because being here in this place as his wife was a luxury. Some women even chose it. She had. She did it so he’d go easy on her real husband and so they’d be taken care of, given food and medicine and stuff they needed. She thought it was a good trade, at first.” 

Rick stood up and started pacing. “Sit Rick.” Michonne said harshly. He did and even though he kept his head down Beth saw the tears. She contemplated how much of the next part of her story she wanted to tell. But they wanted to hear it all. That’s what they said. The thing was she didn’t think she could tell it all. The details were unnecessary. One word would convey it all and she could say that word. 

“Negan came back. And you know not one woman in that room looked happy to see me being taken out. Not even the ones who had tormented me. I tried to pull my wrist from his hand one time and I saw Sheri shake her head so I just.. I just went. That place is huge and dark and like a maze. He took me to a room, his room I guess. There was a bed and.. And he forced me.. He raped me ok? That’s it. He did it and it was over and he just laughed when I got sick on the floor. He threw me a towel and told me to clean it up and that Sherri would come get me.” Beth looked around at all of them. She clenched her fists so tightly in her lap she felt her nails cutting into the palms of her hands. She saw their faces, saw the pity. “Do not feel sorry for me.” she whispered. 

“Why?” Carl stood up on the stairs and walked into the room. She looked at him standing there, just a kid. He had tears in his eyes and she could see he was struggling not to cry.

“Because I don’t want you to. I’m okay,” Beth said.

“I want to kill him. I want him dead,” Carl’s voice shook, but this didn’t upset Beth. His sadness just made her ache. She knew he loved her and she appreciated that. 

“Carl you don’t need to be here,” Rick said.

“Well I am and I’m not leaving.” he sat down beside Beth.

“Let him stay. You want to know what this guy is all about. Carl needs to know what he’s up against too,” Beth said.

“She’s right,” Michonne said.

“Sheri came back and got me. One of the Savior's was with her. ‘Follow my lead’ she said. She started talking to the guy, flirting with him. Promising him, things. We went a different way back, down a dark hallway and she pushed him into a doorway and was kissing him and then he was on the floor bleeding. She told me to grab his knife and his gun while she put the makeshift knife she had stabbed him with into his temple. Then she took my hand and we hurried back in the other direction. We passed a man in the hall with scars on his face. Sheri told him to get rid of the body and he nodded and left. ‘You're gonna need those weapons. hide them.’ she told me. We got back to the room and it was like nothing had ever happened. The other women didn’t treat me like shit anymore and Sherri kept her promise. She was helping me get out. She had connections inside that Negan didn’t know about. She made me memorize the way out of the factory by looking at maps. She said Negan wouldn’t come back again for weeks. And I’d be gone before he did. I believed her and when she said she’d be gone too, I thought she was coming with me,” Beth remembered Sheri’s face when she said it. Beth had said, ‘You're going too?” And Sherri replied, ‘Something like that.” 

“We all had jobs so there were times when most the girls were out of the room. The day I got out it was just Sheri and I in the room. She gave me the boots and jacket and braided my hair. I had the gun and the knife we took from the guy she killed. She made me tell her the route I was taking again. And then.. then..” Beth put her head in her hands. This was so hard and she was still so angry that Sheri wanted it this way and that she had agreed. “Then she told me that she wanted me to shoot her. It would be a distraction and then I could run and leave. I could get out for both of us. I told her no, she could come with me. I begged her just to come, but she wouldn’t listen. She said she’d do it herself and I’d have to run anyway or they’d kill me.” Beth remembered the look in Sheri’s eyes and how she’d said ‘I just want out Beth. I’m tired.’ 

“So I did it. I killed her and I ran.” That wasn’t exactly true. Sheri had put Beth’s hand on the gun and hers over the top of Beth’s. Sheri pulled the trigger, but they both held the gun. She had whispered, ’Go find your family. Thank you Beth.’ “I ran, but obviously the shot was heard and I was chased. The way I went must have been in an area that no one went cause only one guy followed me. I was almost to the exit when he got close enough to stab me. It slowed me down, but I still got out of the building. He followed me, but when I saw the sky and the fence and it made it so easy to just turn and shoot him. Then I kept going. Along the edge of the city. I just thought if I headed back towards where I figured I was last with Daryl.. I was out there for two days and I was so tired and my side hurt and most the time I just wanted to give up. Maybe my daddy was looking out for me because I found them.” Him. She saw him and she thought it was a dream. She sighed and felt Carl take her hand.

“And now I’m here.” Beth forced herself to look at them all. She felt completely drained. Rick’s head jerked up at something behind her. The expression on his face froze Beth’s blood. She knew what Rick saw, who he saw. She turned and he was standing there in the doorway, arms at his sides. His face a mask to everyone but her. Daryl’s eyes were so easy for her to read and she saw the pain there. Beth stood and walked towards him tentatively, then she saw the tears. He was barely restraining himself, she knew he wanted to bolt.

“Don’t cry for me Daryl, please don’t do that.” she whispered. 

“I shoulda known.. I shoulda.. I’m gonna kill him. I’m gonna kill them all.” And then he was gone.


	6. Stitches

Rick and Carl went after Daryl. Beth ran for the door too, but Michonne stepped in front of her and grabbed her arm, holding her back. 

“You can’t Beth! You're hurt. Let Rick go after him.” she said. Beth jerked her arm out of Michonne’s grasp. Her blue eyes were flashing.

“How did he know I was here..” Beth yelled.

“You didn’t think he’d find you? He’s been following us since we walked out of Denise’s.” Michonne said.

“He heard everything?” Beth said softly. But she knew the answer to that already. She’d seen his face. Michonne slowly nodded her head.

“He came in right after we sat down.” she didn’t look Beth in the eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me? He shouldn’t have heard..” Beth cried. That wasn’t how she wanted Daryl to find out what happened. Standing on the edge and listening to her tell her horrible story and blaming himself and making rash decisions.

“Why not? He needed to know what happened to you Beth!” Michonne told her.

“And you saw how he reacted!” Beth said furiously. She faced Michonne her hands balled into fists by her side. 

“He’s not allowed to be horrified by what he heard? That’s exactly how I felt! It’s how Rick felt too! I don’t know what happened between the two of you while you were out there, but Daryl was not the same man when we all found each other. He was broken.” Michonne said.

Beth choked back a sob. “And I’m not the same girl.” she said softly.

Michonne’s face softened. From upstairs they heard Judith’s cry. “I’ll be right back.” When Michonne disappeared up the stairs Beth went out the door and took off running.

* * *

Daryl heard their footsteps crashing behind him, knew they’d come after him.

“Daryl!, Daryl stop!” Rick yelled.

He went out the main gate and took off into the woods. He honestly had no idea where he was going, just knew had to get it out of that house. Anger was blinding him and he couldn’t process what he had just heard, didn’t want to process it. His chest burned, his eyes burned. The footsteps behind him got closer and slowed down.

“Go back Rick.” Daryl called over his shoulder. He didn’t even try to hide the tears that were on his face. Pulling out his knife, he stabbed a lone walker that had been ambling towards him from the trees. He wiped the knife on his jeans and when he went to put it back his eyes were drawn to Beth’s knife hanging there on his belt. He ran his fingers down the leather sheath. He choked back sobs when he heard their heavy breathing. But they stood back sensing Daryl’s need for privacy.

“What are you doing Daryl?” Rick asked gently. “You can’t go after him alone. We don’t know where he is. You know that we have to do this the right way, together. We’ll get him. We will, but not like this. Not without a plan.”

“Did ya hear the things that they… They hurt her! She was alive and I left her there to, to get taken and..” Daryl’s voice broke. He kicked at the walker body on the ground. He stomped on it’s head and pulled out his knife and knelt on the ground and started stabbing blindly at it. He tensed up when he heard more footsteps. He didn’t even need to look. He knew it was her. The blade of his knife hit a rock where he was stabbing and jerked back up and cut into his palm just below his thumb. He sucked in a breath at the initial sting and watched the blood pool in his hand. Beth knelt down in the dirt beside him.

“You need to clean that. Probably gonna need stitches.” she said quietly. He glanced over at her and his jaw tensed. He had failed Beth. He hadn’t protected her. The purple bruise under her eye and all the other bruises he couldn’t see, were proof of that.

“Mmmm fine.” he mumbled. He wasn’t really fine, but he didn’t know what to do. If he made any sudden movement she might disappear and right now she was close enough that he could feel the warmth from her leg against his. She was real, right here.

“Might get infected.” She reached across the space between them to touch his hand and Daryl held his breath in anticipation. Because all he wanted, all he needed was to be able to feel her, to know that she was here.

“Dad.” Carl spoke quietly, but the alarm was there in his tone and they all heard it. There were walkers coming out of the woods. A pretty sizable group of them. Daryl and Beth saw stood up slowly. Daryl watched Beth looked over her shoulder. Watched her determine how far the gate was. Too far for them to get inside safely before the first of the walkers reached them. He knew she’d deduced that and had resigned herself to the fact that they’d have to take them out. But he couldn’t understand why she looked relieved. They were gonna have to fight, and she didn’t like killing ‘em. She never had. She glanced at Daryl and he watched her take the knife out of its sheath. She held it in her hand and stepped forward, ready. Daryl raised the crossbow to his shoulder and followed her. Rick and Carl moved to each side of the outer margins of the horde and they all moved slowly back towards the gate taking walkers down as they went. This was second nature for Rick, Daryl and Carl. At one time it also been second nature for Daryl to keep Beth in his line of vision. Old habits die hard. But what he was seeing now wasn’t something he had seen back when they were running together. Beth was more adept at walker kills now. The look of fear on her face was replaced by one of determination and strangely enough a sense of calm. Daryl wasn’t sure if her apparent resignation to the way the world was now was unsettling or reassuring. But she was taking care of herself. She was doing it. Eugene saw them coming and was ready with the gate. The few stragglers that were left were quickly taken out through the bars. 

“You didn’t radio anyone did you?” Rick asked the other man. Daryl looked sharply at Eugene.

“No. I didn’t feel it was necessary,” Eugene said. He held up a hatchet in his hand. “I was ready to come and assist if you needed me. But you all seemed to have it handled.”

“Thanks Eugene.” Rick clapped him on the shoulder. Eugene stepped forward and held out a hand to Beth.

“I’m Eugene. We haven’t met officially. I was out of commission on the fire truck when..” Daryl stepped forward and glared at the man. He knew that Eugene was sometimes extremely blunt. Daryl was protecting himself just as much as he was Beth from this lack of empathy. 

“Well I was kind of out of commission at that time too. I’m Beth. It’s nice to meet you.” Beth stepped in front of Daryl and shook Eugene’s hand. 

“Beth I do believe you might have an injury. Walker blood is never bright red.” Eugene pointed to Beth’s legs. Bright red blood glistened in the moonlight. Beth pulled open her jacket and found the source of the blood.

“Damn! I must have pulled out some stitches.” She took off the jacket and stared at the spreading stain. It dripped on the ground at her feet. 

“Why you out there fightin’ them things with stitches?” Daryl asked trying to rein in his anger. “Ya shouldn’t a been out there.” He glanced at her, afraid to look at her fully. 

“You shouldn’t have been either.” Beth said. She rubbed the blood into the dirt with the toe of her boot. He had no come back for that. She was right. The silence stretched out into the night and it was awkward. 

“You both need to go see Denise.” Rick told them. Daryl looked up and saw Michonne coming down the street with Judith on her hip. She didn’t look very happy. 

“Took off when I wasn’t looking?” Michonne glared at Beth. “What happened to you all?” she eyed the blood on their clothing and looked at Rick.

“There was a small horde outside the gate. We handled it, but Beth and Daryl need to go see Denise,” Rick said. Michonne turned her glare on Beth again shaking her head. Daryl watched the exchange between them. He could tell Beth wanted to say something, but she didn’t. She just gave Michonne a small smile.

“Come on.” Daryl started towards the infirmary and Beth followed slowly behind. Once she was next to him he knocked on the door and they waited. Side by side on the porch. He noticed Beth sneaking glances at him as they stood there in silence. Daryl saw where her eyes were drawn to. Her knife. She looked at it her eyes flicked up to his before the door opened. Daryl swore he saw a flash of something familiar in those big blue eyes, something like hope. 

“What happened Beth?” Denise stood next to Tara in the doorway and they both looked sleepy.

“We just stitched you up earlier. Don’t tell me you already pulled those out.” Denise shook her head. She pointed towards the exam room.

“I may have.” Beth mumbled laying down on the exam table. Daryl sat on a stool across the room and watched Beth. This moment had a dreamlike quality to it. He’d had plenty of them since he’d lost her. It was always the same scenario, one minute she was there going on about a dog and the next she was lying in a pool of blood. Now she was here in the same room with him and he could see her and hear her and he was terrified any minute now he would wake up.

“Daryl? Hello?” Denise said. He noticed her looking at him.

“What?” he said hoarsely.

“I asked you what happened to you?” Denise said turning back to Beth.

“Knife slipped. Cut my hand. It’s nothin’,” Daryl said. It was nothing. Everything was over on the exam table. Daryl rubbed his face with his good hand and wondered if he was gonna wake up and have this all be some fucked up dream that he never wanted to leave. 

“Tara can you clean him up and prep him for stitches?” Denise asked. Tara yawned. She pushed herself off the wall she had been leaning half asleep.

“Yeah sure,” she said walking over to Daryl. 

“Do you work together?” Beth asked Denise.

“Something like that. Tara lives here too,” the doctor said. 

“Hi, I’m Tara. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Tara called over to Beth. 

“I think we can toss you shirt and jacket. They’re covered in blood, again.” Denise emphasized the word again.

“Not the jacket. I can clean it up. I’m keeping it, it was a gift,” Beth said. 

“Okay. Suit yourself. I’ll cut the shirt off. I have another one you can wear back to.. where are you staying? WIth your sister?” Denise grabbed a pair of scissors.

“No, with Rick and Michonne.” Beth said. Daryl saw her glance over at him. He didn’t even flinch when Tara poured alcohol directly into his wound. Denise started cutting Beth’s shirt away and he averted his eyes. 

“That’s right, Michonne was with you earlier. Ok.. wow! You popped more than a couple of stitches. You aren’t feeling any pain from that?” Denise asked. Beth shook her head.  
“I was trying to minimize the scarring earlier. You’re making that tough. You need to chill and let this heal.” Denise told her. 

“I’m not worried about scars. I got a lot of them now. Just means I survived, I guess,” she said. Daryl looked over at her. He saw her scars as mistakes he made because he didn’t protect her. But that’s all. They didn’t make her any less beautiful. Because she was beautiful. He swallowed hard and looked at the linoleum. Where the hell was all this coming from? 

“Sorry if that hurt at all.” Tara said looking at Daryl. “He’s ready,” she said as she walked over to watch the doctor work on Beth. Denise was just starting to stitch her up. The minute she pushed the needle in Beth yelped. Daryl was off the stool and next to the table, his eyes on Beth, his hands aching to touch her, smooth back her hair and wipe away the tear that was slowly rolling down her temple. 

“I definitely felt that,” Beth said. She let out the breath she’d been holding. He could see that her blue eyes were clouded with pain. 

“Ain’t you gonna numb it up or give her painkillers?!” Daryl growled at Denise. She ignored his tone and kept attending to Beth.

“I’m so sorry Beth. I assumed you were still good from the meds you had earlier. Tara get me the lidocaine and a syringe. We don’t normally give pain meds with sutures, but since you’d been walking around for two days with an open wound I figured you’d need them. I don’t like to over do it,” Denise explained. “Don’t worry Daryl, I’ll fix her up. She might need to be carried home though.” This shut Daryl up. He backed up to the stool his heart pounding. He was sweating, his hands felt clammy and cold. Carry her home? All he wanted to do was touch her. But no fucking way could he carry her home.

“You gonna be okay with this Daryl? Do you need to leave the room?” Tara asked him. 

“‘M fine,” he said. But his heart was pounding and all he could think of was carrying her. Into the kitchen at the funeral home, out of the hospital after the shooting. No, he couldn’t do that now. Not now.

“Really? Cause you’re as white as a ghost,” Tara said walking over to where he sat.

“Just don’t like hearing her being hurt,” he mumbled. He thought he’d kept his voice down, but his eyes met hers and he knew Beth had heard every word he’d said.

* * *

Beth had a feeling that Daryl would head out of the walls of Alexandria when he left Rick's house. She ran towards the front gate ignoring the sharp pain in her side. It was dull because of the meds, but she probably just pulled something. She headed into the trees outside the gate and listened for voices. Sure enough she heard them. Rick looked over his shoulder she came upon them, but Beth didn’t even acknowledge him or Carl. Daryl was sitting in the dirt, stabbing a walker and her heart was suddenly in her throat. She wanted to brush the hair out of his eyes and put her small hand on his scruffy cheek. She didn’t mean to hurt him. She was just so confused.

Then the horde came from out of the woods and they’d had to stand up and take them out. She was very aware of Daryl’s eyes on her and she was oddly relieved for this distraction. She could do this. She didn’t have to think, just act.

Now lying here on the table in the infirmary again all she could do was think. She’d pulled a couple of stitches and the pain meds had worn off and it hurt. Beth saw the anger and the concern in Daryl’s eyes as he hovered over her making sure Denise gave her something for the pain. But there was so much of her pain that couldn’t be taken care of with a shot. She’d told Rick earlier that Daryl needed to believe her in order to let go of his guilt, maybe she needed to believe him so she could let go of some of her pain to. Maybe they need to have a little faith in each other.

Their relationship had changed drastically. She hadn’t really known Daryl Dixon before the fall of the prison. She was aware of all he did for the group. He provided protection and was always one of the first to volunteer to go on runs for the things they needed. It was obvious that this was more than just an obligation as a part of the group. He had searched far and wide for formula for newborn baby Judith. Beth remembered the relief on his face that night when he fed the baby her first bottle. After everything that had happened with the governor, the devastation of watching her father’s violent death, being separated from Maggie and the others left Beth alone and scared with a man she barely knew. But she had known that he would take care of her. In the beginning he hardly said anything to her, but he always listened, even when she was being a spoiled brat. He made sure there was food and water. He always had one eye on her when they were out on the world surrounded by walkers. She’d woken on more than one occasion in the middle of the night to him covering her up. When it was her turn to take watch he only pretended to sleep half the time because he knew she was nervous. And then she started to get comfortable with him and she appreciated what he was doing for her, and she didn’t let his gruff exterior intimidate her. Sometimes she’d see this look in his eyes when she’d stand up to him, it was like a dare or maybe a plea to get in his face because that meant you cared enough to fight back. And she did care. Little by little she came to care more and more. He didn’t have to help her on her quest to have her first drink. He could have shut that down. But he didn’t. Things started to change between them. She saw little pieces of who Daryl really was and she pushed and fussed until until her was forced to show her all of himself. When he finally broke, she held him. Wrapped her arms around him and just held on. Slowly but surely he started to let her in. He didn't’ flinch when she touched him. He started reaching for her hand too. They talked and he told her about his life before. She sang for him because he asked her to. When he said he was nothing, a nobody, she refused to accept that. When he opened up and let her in she saw him and she fell in love. She hadn’t told him. Not even that night in the funeral home when he had said that maybe they should stay there, try to make a life together. They way he had looked at her in the candlelight, the things he said and didn’t say, she knew he loved her too. Daryl loved her and now she was hurting him.

All of this was going around in her muddled mind. Denise had finished her stitches some time ago and had gone to take care of Daryl’s hand. But Beth continued to lie on the exam table because she felt too heavy to move. She turned her head and the room tilted.

She looked over and saw Daryl. “Daryl? You’re here?” she breathed. Wait he’d been here the whole time hadn’t he? She shook her head and that just made the room spin. “Do you remember that serious piggyback ride you gave me?” She tried sitting up. “I think you might need to do that again. I don’t think I can walk.” She laid back on the table and was overcome with giggles, but nothing was really that funny. Still she couldn’t make herself stop.

* * *

One minute she’s in pain the next she’s laughing. Daryl looked uneasily at Denise.

“It’s the pain meds. She’s had a lot today.” She finished wrapping his hand. “That should do it.” He stood up and examined his bandaged hand, flexing his fingers.

“Thanks,” he said. He looked over at Beth who was still giggling on the exam table. He was completely unsure of what he was supposed to do now. She obviously had to get back to Rick’s. There was no way in hell he was giving her a piggyback ride.

“Why’s she so happy now? She’s been angry or somethin’ at me since we found her,” Daryl said unnerved. 

“Well right now she’s feeling pretty good. I say take advantage of that at least until the pain meds wear off,” Denise told him. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you get her home.”

They managed to get Beth home. Daryl’s heart had been on a roller coaster the whole time. Beth had been happily going on about random things while they walked back to Rick’s. Her joy at seeing Judith and Carl. How grateful she was to be with her family again. 

“You know someone had to be lookin’ out for me. I got outta that, that…” Her face fell and she pushed Denise and Daryl away and leaned over and got sick in the bushes. “I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to remember,” she mumbled. She walked in front of them then, brushing Denise’s hand away when she she tried to take Beth’s arm. Daryl felt helpless. 

“The meds also cause mood swings,” Denise said apologetically. When they arrived at Rick’s, Beth mumbled something about a shower and Michonne followed her upstairs. 

“I am so sorry about all Daryl. It’s just the meds. It will wear off. Come find me if you need anything ok?” Daryl nodded at her and she left the two men standing in the kitchen.

“What happened?” Rick asked.

“She was happy for a minute cause of all the medication. Then she remembered what happened. She got sick in the bushes, then she was angry again. She’s gonna be the death of me,” Daryl said. He leaned over on the counter with his head in his hands.

“Go home, get some rest. We need to talk about another scouting mission tomorrow. Push out a little further. Jesus is supposed to be coming,” Rick said and Daryl nodded. But he didn’t move. He didn’t think he could. He looked over at Rick.

“Can I stay here? On the couch?” he asked.

“But you just said..” Rick started. “Sure. Use the shower down here. I’ll get you something to wear.” He walked over and put a hand on Daryl’s back. “What do you want from her Daryl? Is this about forgiveness?” Daryl shook his head.

“It’s about second chances. Somethin’ I shoulda said a long time ago and now I got a second chance to say it. Don’t know if she wants to hear it anymore, but I’m gonna try,” he said looking at Rick. There was no way he could explain what was going on. He wasn’t really even sure himself. All that had gone unsaid in those few minutes before Beth had disappeared from the funeral home kept replaying in his head. People were going to die. They were gonna to lose the ones they loved. That had been happening all along if he really wanted to be honest with himself. But there were things worth fighting for. No matter the outcome. And there were words that needed to be spoken. It might change everything or nothing. The fact was he wouldn’t know unless he tried.


	7. Finding The Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daryl is a bit OOC in this chapter. I'd like to think that Beth's return might push him a little and he might say and do things he didn't before because she's home and he has her and second chances can't be taken for granted.

Daryl came out of the bathroom towel drying his hair just as Michonne was coming down the stairs. She was holding the bottle of pain meds in her hands.

“How is she?” Daryl asked. Rick walked into the room and looked at Michonne.

“Sad. She said she's going to bed.” Michonne’s face was grim. Daryl saw a fear in her eyes that was unusual for Michonne. “I’m going to hang on to these. She can ask for them if she needs one.” She headed towards the kitchen and Daryl noticed the slight nod she gave to Rick as she walked by him. Rick followed her without looking back. Curious Daryl stood near the doorway so he could listen in on whatever was said. He wasn’t one to eavesdrop, but they were talking about Beth and had purposely left him out of the conversation. Michonne was talking quiet but her voice was hoarse like she was upset.

“She’s covered with fist sized bruises! They…. they brutalized her Rick! I can’t believe....” Michonne’s voice broke then and he heard movement and Rick making comforting sounds. Daryl felt like he’d been punched. He headed towards the stairs and climbed them slowly, afraid to see for himself what Michonne had just described. 

Her door was ajar and a soft light fell out into the hallway. She’d lit a bunch of candles. She never had liked the dark very much Daryl remember that from their time in the woods. He stopped in the doorway. She was across the room facing away from him staring at a candle flame. The thin white tank top she wore did little to hide the dark purple and black marks that marred the pale skin of her back and shoulder blades. When he couldn’t stand it any longer Daryl walked in silently. He was about two feet from her she visibly stiffened. 

“What did this… to..” his chest was heaving with screams or sobs when she turned and faced him.

“Don’t. It happened, it’s done. It can’t be undone. Don’t let it keep hurting… Please.” she whispered. God she looked so fragile there in the candlelight. His hands were balled into fists and a vein at his temple was throbbing like it might burst. Beth twirled lightly on one foot and when she was facing away from him she pulled her tank top off and held it to her chest covering herself. 

“Look at it. It’s there. The bruises will fade and the scars, I’ll wear them.” she spoke evenly. Daryl was fully aware that she just needed someone else to acknowledge her as she was. “But I walked away Daryl! I walked away.” Then in a small voice she whispered. “They’re ugly, I know.” The bruises stamped across her upper back were angry red and purple-black like storm clouds. Beneath them were two lash marks- raised welts, already healing, already scars. Daryl’s head was pounding now. He wanted so badly to be able to reach out and wipe it all away. He couldn’t, he knew this.

“Yer not ugly.” he said his voice so full of emotion it barely sounded like him. He reached down to them hem of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head with one hand and dropped it on the floor. He turned away from her brutalized back and hung his head. She looked over her shoulder her eyes wide. A small whimper escaped her lips before she could swallow it back. Daryl’s back was striped with with long, dark scars. A whip, or an angry drunk old man’s belt had bit through tender skin marring him for life. Marking him a victim. Beth stepped up behind him and reached out and gently ran a finger along one that crossed over a dragon tattoo on his shoulder blade. He shivered at her touch. No one had ever touched his scars like that.

“Your father, he did this to you.” It wasn’t a question. Daryl had told her things about his father that had made it pretty clear he was not a good man.

“My old man wasn’t fit to be a human being, let alone a parent.” Daryl said huskily. She continued to run her finger lightly over the scars. It was soothing. Maybe just the recognition itself. He didn’t see the silent tears slowly making their way down her cheeks and dripping onto the balled up shirt in her other hand. “He made sure I knew I was worthless. He, he made damn sure I knew where I stood with him.” 

“You’re not worthless.. you’re not..” she breathed the words.

“Ya ain’t either.” he looked over his shoulder. Her hand stilled and she pulled the tank top over her head. Leaning down she picked up his t-shirt and handed it to him. She aid down and curled up on her side. Looking up at him with those big blue eyes, she patted the empty spot behind her and he didn’t hesitate to crawl over her and wrap himself around her, covering her bruises and scars with his own.

“We’re both still here Beth. ‘Member scars just mean we survived.” he whispered into her hair. She laced her fingers through his and pulled his arms closer. This was it. The reunion he would have imagined if had imagined one at all. Slowly she drifted off to sleep. He felt her breathing even out and he let himself sleep too. For the first time in a very long time neither of them had a nightmare.

 

Daryl woke up with his arms around a sleeping Beth. Reluctantly he disentangled himself from her warm body. He wanted to stay, more than anything, but he needed to go. He went downstairs, dressed, and left quietly through the front door. He had his knives and the crossbow. After a quick stop at the armory for a pistol, he made his way to the main gate where Eugene was standing guard again.

“Going hunting.” Daryl grunted. Eugene opened the gate. He never tried make small talk with Daryl. He was probably a little afraid of him. Once Daryl was undercover of the trees, he ran. Out here he could let go of everything, for just a little while he could almost feel free.

* * *

Beth woke up feeling like she’d slept for days. Daryl was gone, but she knew he would be and she knew where to find him. She wrapped her stitches with an ace bandage to protect them and dressed in jeans and a hoodie. She laced up her boots and put her hair in a ponytail, a tiny braid peeking out from strands of blonde. She holstered her gun and reached for her knife, but at the last minute she changed her mind about the knife and left it on the desk. Grabbing her backpack she headed out, quietly descending the stairs. No one was awake to see her silently slip through the front door. The gate was easy. Eugene was taken in by her sweetness and smile. The old Beth came in handy sometimes.

“It’s okay Daryl is expecting me. I have more ammo for him.” Beth smiled at the man.

“Oh yes. He just went out about 30 minutes ago. You’ll be ok?” he asked. 

“Oh yeah. He knows I’m coming. Don’t worry about me Eugene.” she said. He opened the gate for her and without even a second thought she took off into the trees.

She tracked him through the sunlight that slanted between the trees and made the grass glow. It was a little more difficult than tracking anyone else. Daryl had taught her what to look for, but he also knew how to try and cover his trail. He probably heard her coming before she got anywhere near him. When she found him he was wiping off a bolt in a clump of grass. His clothes were splattered with walker blood, flecks of it were on his hands and face. She stood beside him as if he had expected her. He had. He knew she would come and find him here.

“Feel better?” she asked. She knelt in the grass and touched it brushing her hands over the soft tips.

“Nope.” he said. His voice was weary and she could see just by the way he held himself that his body and soul were weary too.

“Come on.” She was off and running, her blonde ponytail flashing in the morning sun. Daryl followed her, a few steps behind so he could watch her. He always had her back, but she hoped he watching for other reasons too. Daryl caught up to her as they encountered their first walkers, she saw as he glanced down at her empty hands. No weapon.

“Where’s yer knife?” he said in an exasperated tone.

Her eyes went to the knife at his waist, not his, but hers. The one Carol had told her he had been wearing almost every day she had been gone. His eyes dropped to where she was looking and he reached down and unsheathed it. Their fingers brushed together when he handed to her and their eyes met. He was hers, he had been for such a long time now and she had been his, was his. She gave him a little nod and turned and plunged the knife into the first walkers head. And a second, then third before she wiped her knife on her pants and took off running again. This time he chased her and she dodged him slipping between trees and leaping over logs until she was breathless and he was starting to lag. They entered a meadow with grass and bushes that reached their shoulders. It was oddly familiar like hearing a tune from a song you used to know. Beth collapsed on her back in the middle of the tallest bushes. Daryl followed. All they could hear was their labored breathing and their hearts pounding in their ears. All they felt was the sun shining down on them trying it’s best to reach all the way into their bones.

* * *

“You better not pull out them damn stitches!” Daryl growled. And Beth laughed. It was real and his heart beat a little faster.

“I wrapped it up good. I think it’ll be okay.” she said. They were quiet then. Their breathing evened out. “I wish we could lay here forever and just look at the sky and pretend that nothing before this moment was real.” she said softly. On an impulse Daryl reached for her hand, this was his Beth, from before when she’d been full of hope and faith and so innocent she’d even made him believe he was good. She was still there -inside- changed maybe, but not quite gone.

“That night, in the funeral home, ya asked me what changed my mind and I shoulda said it then, but I was… I dunno, i just couldn’t,” Daryl spoke quietly and slowly. Beth sat up, her ponytail soft on her shoulder, fingers still intertwined in his.

“I knew what you meant to say,” she said just as quietly. 

“Still shoulda said it,” he pushed himself up beside her and met her gaze.

“Say it now, what changed your mind Daryl?” This was whispered, like a secret and her eyes were on him just like that night. Big and blue searching his like she was trying to find his soul and steal it away. He wasn’t scared anymore, he didn’t mumble and he didn’t look away.

“You, was you Beth. You changed my mind,” he said it out loud finally and it wasn’t hard and it didn’t hurt. Holding tight to his hand she pulled him up. On tip toes, in front of him, she was so much smaller in comparison. But she was everything right then.

“I fell in love with you Daryl Dixon, a long time ago on that porch in the dark, drunk on moonshine cause you showed me yourself, your real self. And we weren’t so different. Broken and insignificant. Now here we are, me and you. The monsters haven’t got us yet,” she smiled and let his hand go. “Race you back! Loser has to kiss the winner,” she called over her shoulder. Daryl’s eyes never left her, she ran like a deer, surefooted and relentless. He chased after her, staying just a few steps behind, determined to be the loser.

Further out in the forest, past the meadow between two rocks a man in a dark camo jacket held a walkie talkie up to his mouth. “Yeah I think I got a line on our little blonde fighter. And if the description is correct I found the asshole with wings who massacred our men.”


	8. Loser Has To Kiss The Winner

Beth’s feet barely made a sound as she sprinted toward the gate. She’d perfected this capability in the hospital and the factory. Sometimes being invisible was a matter of life and death. She was so light on her feet it was almost like she was flying. She could hear him behind her, which was uncharacteristic of Daryl because he was usually the silent one. But she heard his footsteps following her. As she came up on the gate Eugene struggled to get it open. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked frantically. Beth smiled and laughed as she looked over her shoulder.

“Race.” she said breathless. Daryl was gaining on her. she ran backwards and watched as he bolted through the gate a few seconds behind her and just shook his head at Eugene as he passed by. The poor guy looked completely confused. A few of the ASZ residents who were outside watched as the two of them ran through the streets. Beth turned and sprinted the last few feet to the house. She leaned on the railing of the porch to catch her breath, watched as Daryl finally caught up. She didn’t want what was happening between them to end yet. For a few minutes it was as if they’d never left the funeral home, as if, like Beth had wished, there was nothing but that moment. He came up the steps, skipping a couple, his eyes on her before he bent over, hands on his knees to catch his breath. She moved away from the porch railing, took a small step towards him.

“You okay there Mr. Dixon?” Feigning concern. He was fine, she knew that. She simply wanted to get closer to the space he occupied right at that moment. 

Daryl gave her a look, the one that meant he knew she was up to something. She felt it as her lips curved into a slight smile. And god it felt so good to smile at him. The crossbow slipped off his shoulder and dropped gently on the porch. Their eyes met as he slowly closed the small space between them. Beth knew right then that she hadn’t won fair and square. Daryl had paced himself. He’d deliberately stayed behind. Daryl wanted to kiss her. He. Wanted. To. Kiss. Her. That realization thrilled and terrified her. He was close enough now that his leather vest brushed against her. She had to tilt her head back a little to look at him. 

Daryl’s eyes were drawn to her lips, unconsciously she licked her bottom lip. He trailed his fingers up her arm. She didn’t know about him, but breathing had suddenly become an issue. Suddenly the front door opened and the spell was broken. Rick was standing there with Michonne behind him. 

“We heard footsteps and…” Rick looked between Daryl and Beth. Beth felt her face flush and she watched as Daryl glared at him, which wasn’t saying much because Daryl was always glaring at someone. Sighing she turned, grabbed her knife off the porch railing and slipped between Rick and Michonne.

“You still owe me Daryl Dixon,” she called over her shoulder as she disappeared into the house. She closed the door behind her and stood for a minute at the bottom of the stairs catching her breath. She climbed the stairs and with each step she felt a weight settle heavily on her shoulders. It took everything in her not to turn around and run out the door and scream at him to come back. But she wouldn’t, she couldn’t. She closed her door and piece by piece slowly stripped off her clothes. The plastic bag and tape were on the bathroom counter where she’d left them. Seh covered the stitches and stepped into the shower. The water came out cold and as she stood in the spray memories slammed into her head, cold water in the showers at the factory, rusty knobs, stained yellow tile. She’d been trying so hard to keep these memories buried. Shampoo bottles fell over in her rush to finish and she looked around almost expecting to see someone leering at her, a “guard”, in case she decided to do something foolish. Water was still dripping from her body, but she crawled into bed and buried her face in the pillow to muffle the scream that had been building deep down inside. She screamed until the panic was gone and the shower in the bathroom was just a shower again. She tried falling asleep, hoping that it would be dreamless and an escape, but after tossing and turning for a while it was pointless. She dressed and slipped down the stairs and out the front door.

* * *

The door closed and Michonne and Rick stood there looking at him. Rick looked uncomfortable and Michonne had a little smirk on her face.

“What?” Daryl grunted. And before they could say anything he turned and marched off down the walkway almost running over Maggie.

“Daryl, where’s…” Maggie started.

“How the hell m’ I ‘possed to know?” He noticed a couple on their porch watching him. “Got a problem?” he yelled. The man ushered the woman beside him into the house. “Yeah thought so,” he grumbled and headed towards the house he shared with Aaron.

He was in the garage messing with some left over parts a little while later when he saw Beth at the end of the driveway. She stood there quietly observing him. He looked back at her and for a minute it was battle of wills, who would give first.

“Ya coming in?” he finally called out to her first because he was terrified she might turn and walk away, and he couldn’t deal with that. They were doing something here, making progress or some shit, whatever that meant, Daryl thought. And he wanted it. This. 

“What is all this stuff?” she asked wandering around the garage. She looked around at the space that he had made his own.

“Motorcycle parts.” he watched her walk, saw the scars on her face and wondered why, of all the people in this shitty world, he had been given back the one thing he hadn’t realized he couldn’t live without until she was gone. What made him worthy of this small miracle?

“Are you building one?” she touched a gear and looked at the grease on her finger, wiped it on her jeans.

“I did. It got stolen.” he leaned against a workbench and laid the part down.

“By the Saviors?” He knew she didn’t really need to ask, she’d probably figured it out. She hopped up on the workbench next to him and let her feet dangle and swung them back and forth.

“Tell me what they did to you.” he said quietly. 

Her legs stopped moving. He saw her visibly tense up. Still. She was completely still except for a couple of wisps of hair that stirred in the breeze coming from the open garage.

“What?” she said softly.

“Tell me.” He didn’t know if it was right, doing this. But if she shared her pain, gave some to him so she didn’t have to carry it all. Maybe he was wrong cause the way she was looking at him, the expression on her face made him second guess what he had just asked of her.

“I don’t think… I can’t. Why?” That last word came out as more of a plea than a question. 

“Because yer carrying it all inside ya and if ya give it to me I can carry it for ya. I don’t know.” he picked at his thumbnail.Beth shook her head. 

“I won’t.” It hit him right in the chest like a blow. He was confused. And hurt. She reached out and brushed the hair from his eyes. Her fingers soft against his skin.

“You can’t take it away Daryl. And I won’t give it to you. I don’t want that in your head. I know what you're trying to do and the very fact that you would be willing to try means more to me than you will ever know.” she spoke quietly and tried to smile. They both heard footsteps and looked up. Rick came down the driveway and Daryl stood straighter and busied himself with the parts he’d been messing with earlier. 

“Hey. We’re gonna meet at Maggie and Glenn’s to go over the plan for tonight one last time. We head out just after sunset.” Rick said. Daryl nodded, he glanced at Beth. She looked back and forth between them. 

“What’s happening? Where are you going?” she asked. Rick explained a little about Jesus and the Hilltop.

“I want to go, and help,” she said.

“No,” Daryl said. He knew he had no right deciding this and he didn’t look at her when he said it.

“I‘m a part of this group too. I know what I am doing!” Beth slid off the workbench and planted herself in front of Daryl.

“Beth you can’t. If they see you they’ll know that we have someone who can give us information no one else can. We need you for that. In fact I was going to see if you’d meet up with Denise tonight and start mapping out what you remember about Negan’s factory and the location.” She looked between him and Daryl and Daryl knew she was trying to find a reason to refuse to do this.

“See? We need ya,” Daryl said. She made a noncommittal noise and walked slowly across the garage.

“Yeah. I can do that.” She turned and looked at Rick. “But when you go for him. I am coming with you. I won’t be left behind,” she said adamantly. Rick nodded slowly, he glanced at Daryl. Daryl continued to stare at Beth.

“Ok. Then I will see you later.” Rick left them standing there the tension thick in the air.

“See, here’s the thing, I really can take care of myself now.” Her back was to him, voice quiet and even. She never looked back as she walked away.

Once she was out of earshot Daryl whispered. “Yeah, I know ya can.”

* * *

Beth walked through Alexandria, to keyed up to go home. She thought she vaguely understood what Daryl’s intentions were now, why he wanted what he’d asked for. . They were admirable, but she highly doubted that he realized what he’d be getting himself into. This wasn’t just something you confessed, like a sin, and received redemption for the telling. It was the telling that gave it life. And she wanted it buried. Not brought to life some place inside of Daryl where it would fester and burn. You can’t carry another person's story around inside of you and expect it to disappear.

Dinner wasn’t really “dinner” in the sense that it was anything formal. It was more of a meeting with sandwiches laid out on the table. Maggie smiled at Beth tentatively when the girl walked into the room. This brought back memories that made Beth feel like a little child, the little sister Maggie teased and wouldn’t take into town with her when her and her friends went. Beth always got left behind. She returned the smile, but it felt so forced. She chose a seat between Rick and Daryl. There were so many people crowded into the small space it seemed like everyone was here. Beth’s anxiety was already high, right here felt safe.

They went over their plans again and Beth found out it was an outpost manned by the Saviors that they planned on taking over. Once they rescued a boy who had been taken from the Hilltop, they were going to kill everyone else. Jesus and Andy, two men from the Hilltop had come. Andy was the one who knew where the outpost actually was. Beth tuned out the talk after a minute and looked around the room at all the faces that were so familiar to her and the ones that weren’t. She felt uncomfortable, like an outsider. It was Maggie’s voice that brought her out of her internal musings.

“Beth I never got to hear what happened at Grady. You never came by… I thought..” Beth’s fight or flight mode kicked in, but she was trapped here in this room. Didn’t Maggie notice how quiet the room had suddenly become? She had to have seen the look Michonne and Rick shared. Beth did. She gripped the edge of the wooden chair.

“I told Rick.” That had been enough, she’d told him and that had been enough. Looking down in her lap, she willed the anger slowly building inside of her to go away. But it wasn’t listening and this had been bound to happen eventually. Honestly Beth was tired of fighting it. 

“But not me?” Maggie asked and it sounded so much like an accusation, Beth finally caved. Something inside of her snapped and she wanted to hurt her sister. She wanted her to feel bad for once again leaving her behind.

“What did it feel like thinking I was dead this whole time?” Beth asked calmly. She focused her big blue eyes on her sister, wanting to make sure she saw everything. Maggie sat back in her chair, her eyes widened.

“Stop.” Daryl said. She felt him tense up beside her, heard the warning in his voice. But it was too late. 

“Tell me! How did it feel watching Daryl carry my lifeless body out of the hospital?” Beth said angrily. “I was there alone, I was scared and I wasn’t dead and no one was coming back.” Beth’s felt the heat on her cheeks. “How did you not know I was still there, still alive? I know it was impossible, but you’re my sister.. You should have known!” Anger is ugly and selfish, but Beth couldn’t stop. “ I needed you.” She looked at Daryl, wanted him to know that this was about him too, even if it was awful. “I needed you.” 

Standing up and shoving the table away from his body Daryl got in Beth’s face.

“The fuck you doing girl?!” She stood up and didn’t back away. She wasn’t afraid of him, never had been. 

“Do you even know what I felt..” He was in her space, up against her now and she had no breath left to say anything.

“What’d it feel like watching yer daddy get his throat cut?” he snarled back at her. Beth shuddered and she saw the realization of what he’d just said to her cross his face. But he didn’t take it back, she’d pushed him too far.

She saw the pain in his eyes too, the same pain that was probably in her sister’s eyes if she cared enough to look closely. She understood, she did. Mostly.

“It was a nightmare.” she said softly.

“There ya go! It was a nightmare. Every fucking day it’s been the same nightmare.” Daryl stormed out of the room. Beth watched him go. She looked around at the others, at Maggie and she was ashamed of herself. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry.” she headed through the house looking for a back door. She found herself in the kitchen and she happened to glance at the refrigerator. Something there made her stop in her tracks. A small black and white picture. She recognized it for what it was, an ultrasound printout. Along the side it said ‘Baby Rhee, Maggie, Glenn’. She backed up into the door and fumbled for the doorknob. When she finally got it open she took off. 

Beth’s first instinct was to run. She could be out the gate and into the woods in 2 minutes flat. But she only had her knife and she knew that the group would be headed out soon. Maybe that whole ordeal had given her some clarity. They had done a lot of planning and it was important, she didn’t want to mess it up. So she just walked around and around Alexandria. She was so consumed in her own thoughts she didn’t see or sense her follower. After she’d circled the perimeter about 10 times and she’d seen the others walking back to their homes she went back to Rick’s and sat on the steps.

* * *

Daryl waited and watched, saw Beth come out of Maggie’s house. He expected her to make a beeline for the gate and he was prepared to stop her. He’d pick her up and carry her back to Rick’s if he had to. But she surprised him. She didn’t run. She just walked and she kept walking. Around and around and he wondered how long she could go because he had stuff to do and he was sure he had been spotted by the others. Damn girl. He knew she was hurtin’, she’d suffered more than he can let himself think about without wanting to lash out in anger. Cause he’s hurtin’ too. No one ever said it, that her getting taken was his fault but he carried that guilt. And the pain and loss and love.. Cause he loved that girl. His heart ached for her in a way he wasn’t used to, but kind of liked. She was sitting on the steps. He walked up the walkway and sat down beside her.

“We’re gonna be headin’ out.” Daryl said. He didn’t look directly at her.

“Ok.” she replied. She shuffled her feet on the step. “Daryl?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.” she whispered.

“S’okay. You gotta remember, we were hurtin’ too.” he glanced over at her. She was nodding silently. “All goes well we should be back by morning.” He stood and started walking away, but this walking away, this simple act was so damn hard. He slowed and turned to look one last time, maybe wave or smile. Yeah right, Daryl didn’t wave and rarely smiled. Instead he walked back over to her and held out his hand. She put her small hand in his and he pulled her up, right up against him. He cupped her face in his hands and leaned down and kissed her softly, willing his brain to remember this moment when he finally kissed Beth Greene for real. “Now we're even Ms. Greene.” he said huskily. He backed away from her, turned and headed down the street.

* * *

Beth raised her hand to her lips and touched them. ‘Loser has to kiss the winner.’ She walked up the steps slowly. She didn’t want to watch him walk away. She wanted to hold onto this kiss.

The group left soon after sunset. Beth stayed in her room until she was sure they were gone. She wouldn’t watch them leave. Instead she would be waiting to see them return. She made her way over to the infirmary sometime later and it was eerily quiet. A few candles in random windows were the only proof that she wasn’t alone. Denise was sitting on the front steps. She smiled when Beth walked up.

“Hey Beth. How are the stitches?” 

“They’re healing. I’m going easy on them. I promise,” Beth smiled back at her and this smile was real. Because something about Denise made Beth want to try, to find that hope she’d had before.

“Are you ready to do this? I know it’s probably going to suck a little so I stole some chocolate from the food storage. I don’t even know if you like chocolate.. Do you?” She climbed the steps and Beth followed.

“I do. Chocolate is good. Moonshine might be better.” Beth looked around infirmary. Denise had maps and paper and pencils spread on the floor.

“Moonshine? Really? I’ve never had it.” the other girl said.

“It’s pretty awful. Daryl introduced me to it. I think he was hoping I’d hate it. I did, but I also liked how it made me feel for a little while.” Beth knelt on the floor by a big map of Atlanta.

“So you and Daryl? Are you together?” Denise asked. She sat down beside Beth.

“Mmmm.. we got close before I was taken, but well I was gone. Now. Wow, I think.. I don’t know if together is exactly...” Beth searched for the right words. She knew how she felt and she was pretty sure she knew how Daryl, felt but where it was going from there she had no clue.

“You love him.” Denise said. She picked up a red pencil and pulled the big map closer to her. Beth just stared at her.

“Yeah. I do. I love him.” Beth said quietly. Saying it was a good thing. It was a scary thing, but a good thing.

“Cool. It’s good to still be able to have that. I told Tara I loved her and I think I scared her. She didn’t say it back yet,” Denise drew a big circle around one area on the map. “Here’s Grady.”

Was she really having a normal conversation about relationships on the floor of an apocalyptic infirmary while they mapped out a plan to find and murder this world's version of the devil? She was, and it was one of the best things that had happened since she’d arrived here. She smiled and leaned over the map.

 

Hours later the sky was starting to turn pink in the east and there were maps and drawings all over the floor. Beth yawned and stretched. They had accomplished a lot. Chocolate wrappers littered the floor. Because there were moments when the distraction it offered was much needed. Beth heard pounding and looked quizzically at Denise.

“That’s Morgan. He’s building something downstairs. I don't know what. He keeps to himself most the time and I don’t bother him,” Denise explained. 

“I’m gonna go check on Carl. I know he stayed behind with Judith,” Beth said.

“There’s a place on the wall where you can see pretty far. I think Spencer might be manning it. In case, you know, you want to look and see if you can see anything,” Denise said. She smiled a little. “I think the waiting is harder. Next time I want to go.” 

“Thanks Denise. For everything,” Beth smiled at her. 

The sky had pinked up even more and Beth felt that old anxiety in the pit of her stomach. Denise was right, the waiting was hard. She’d done a lot of that. Groups went out and came back so many times, you think she’d be use to it. But she didn’t imagine ever being able to get used to not knowing if everyone you cared about would come back.

She spent the morning with Carl and Judith doing regular things and pretending all was well until Carl spoke the very words she was thinking. 

“It’s taking too long,” he adjusted the bandage over his eye. Beth felt her stomach sink.

“It’s barely noon. I bet they will be here soon,” But even she didn’t believe what she was saying. Daryl had said morning unless something went wrong. “Let’s walk to the wall. Can’t we see a ways from there?” Carl nodded and he picked up Judith. When they went out the door a young girl Carl’s age was on the porch.

“They aren’t back yet,” she said. She looked worried.

“Beth this is Enid. Enid, Beth.” Carl introduced them.

The two girls smiled at each other. 

“We’re going to the wall. See if we can see anything. Come on,” Carl told Enid. The three of them walked slowly in the quiet of the afternoon to the wall. It loomed large in the distance and Beth jogged ahead and climbed a ladder to a lookout post. 

“Hey Beth right? I’m Spencer,” the young man on guard introduced himself.

“Hi. Any sign of them yet?” Beth asked scanning the horizon and surrounding wooded areas.

“Not yet. They’ll be back,” he smiled. She knew he was trying to alleviate her fears. She didn’t smile back.

“How long do we wait before we go out and look for them?” she asked. His face fell.

“I, I don’t know. You aren’t thinking of going out there are you?” he asked incredulously.

“That’s my family out there. Of course I’m thinking about it,” she climbed back down the ladder and stood by Carl. “If we don’t hear anything in a couple more hours, I’m going out there.”

“Beth, that’s not a good idea,” Carl said. Beth looked at him. 

“Your dad is out there. Maggie and Daryl.. I..” she shrugged her shoulders. “Suit yourself.” she started back towards the house leaving Carl, Judith and Enid by the wall.

“Beth!” Carl called out to her.

Beth stopped and turned to look at him.

“A couple more hours. I’ll go with you,” he said. Beth smiled and nodded. They had to come back safe. She didn’t want to take Carl out there. She had no idea what they’d encounter.

 

Later afternoon came and with it the rumble of a motorcycle in the distance. That wasn’t cause for celebration yet. Daryl’s bike had been stolen. Anyone could be on it. Beth ran to the wall and peered up at Spencer.

“It’s the RV, the car and it looks like Daryl’s bike. Get ready at the gate.” he yelled down at Beth.

She waited until she could make out the faces in the RV before opening the gate. The motorcycle swerved around the RV and Daryl rode through the opening. Beth slid it open the rest of the way and ran over to where Daryl stopped his bike. He was barely off of it when she slipped her arms around his waist.

“Woah girl..” he said almost losing his footing.

“What went wrong?” She looked up at his face and it was obvious by his expression that something had infact gone wrong. 

“There was a hostage situation. Some of them got a hold of.. they had Maggie and Carol, but they’re fine. Got ‘em back.” Daryl said. Beth felt his words sink in. Got Maggie?

“The baby? She’s ok? She’s..” Beth was talking more to herself. She hadn’t seen Maggie since dinner the night before. What she hadn’t come back? The thought sent a chill through Beth’s bones. 

“She’s fine, how’d ya know about the baby?” Daryl asked her.

“ I saw a picture.. Oh god..” Beth watched the group unload for the RV.

“Go see fer yerself. She’s fine. “ Daryl touched her lightly on her back.

Maggie stepped out of the RV and caught sight of Beth walking towards her. Beth’s heart was in her throat. Maggie’s face was dirty, she looked tired and pale. Glenn had his arm around her, but Maggie held her arms open to her sister. Beth ran to her and she was crying before she wrapped her arms around Maggie. They didn’t need words, they both knew what this meant and that was enough. Beth rested her hand on her sister’s stomach.

“The baby?” she whispered. Maggie didn’t look surprised. 

“Fine. You saw the picture?” Beth nodded.

“Why did you go Maggie? You should have stayed here.” Beth said.

“Now you sound like Carol. This is my family. I had to help protect them. But I’m gonna stay closer to home now.” She held her hand protectively over her stomach. Beth got bits and pieces of the story from everyone as they cleaned up and unwound. Unfortunately this was just the beginning. Plans were already in the works for another scouting mission once Rick and Jesus saw the maps Beth and Denise had drawn up. They were in the infirmary looking them over when Beth walked in.

“These are great Beth. You and Denise were thorough.” Rick smiled at Beth. “And I know it wasn’t an easy task to walk back through that place in your head.” 

“I just want him dead,” Beth said. The man Jesus raised his eyebrows at her declaration.

“Hi I’m Jesus, Beth right?” he held out his hand and smiled at her.

“Hi, yes I’m Beth,” she said. So this was the man who was helping them? She shook his hand and returned his smile.

“Well Beth thanks to you I think you just might get what you want, what we all want,” he said.

“I want to help this time Rick. I can’t sit here waiting. There has to be some place for me,” Beth said.

“Me too,” Denise said. “We did what you asked, now let us help.” Beth glanced over at Tara who didn’t look that happy about Denise volunteering. 

“Actually I do need you. Both of you. You’re going out with Daryl and Glenn. Taking a back way that Daryl took before. Just a quick look to see if anything else has been happening in that area.” Rick said. “We might need to use it.”

“Daryl agreed?” Beth asked. She had a hard time believing that. Rick gave her a look.

“He relented. You know Daryl.” the sheriff shook his head. Beth nodded.

 

They decided to get some rest first and Daryl’s group would leave just before sunrise. The other group was taking vehicles and circling in the opposite direction. This area had never been used for drops before and Jesus and Andy didn’t believe there were any outposts located there either. It might be the best way into Atlanta and that was their final destination.

Beth couldn’t sleep. It seemed to elude her lately. The only night she really slept good was the night Daryl had stayed with her. Daryl. Beth grabbed all the things she needed and quietly headed down the stairs. She didn’t know why she was sneaking around. She wasn’t doing anything wrong. She heard voices in the kitchen. Michonne and Rick were standing at the bar talking quietly when she walked in.

“Hey, I’m, I’m going to Daryl’s. I didn’t want you to wake up and find me gone,” Beth said.

Michonne smiled. “Ok.” Rick just nodded. Beth took her stuff and walked out. Being here with everyone from before made her feel like she had to answer to them. And she really didn’t

Daryl’s house was dark. Beth wasn’t quite sure how she should go about getting inside. She didn’t even know where Daryl’s room was. 

“What’re you doing here?” He was standing in the shadows on the porch smoking a cigarette. She went up the steps and dropped her bag.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she said. He just looked at her and dropped his cigarette stubbing it out on the porch. He leaned down and grabbed her bag.

“Come on,” he said and she followed him inside. He led her upstairs to his bedroom. It was a bare space with just a bed and a dresser. His stuff was ready on the floor in the corner. He put Beth’s bag there too. Then he kicked off his boots and laid down on the bed. Beth stood there awkwardly for a few seconds and then she took off her boots and laid down next to him. He slid an arm under her and pulled her against him. 

“You need to wear this while were out tomorrow,” He reached up above his head on the headboard and grabbed a black beanie and gave it to Beth.

She looked at it. “Really?” she said incredulously. He nodded.

“Yep. You gotta cover up that blonde hair. You’re gonna stick out like a sore thumb. Go to sleep Greene,” He closed his eyes and Beth rested her head on his chest.


	9. Tired of Losing People

Beth rolled over and felt the empty space beside her. She opened her eyes. Daryl was at the window. She watched him for a minute before he seemed to sense her eyes on him. He seemed tense and she wasn’t sure why. Maybe this run, taking her and Denise was probably nerve wracking for him. He always felt the need to take care of everyone. But she could take care of herself.

“Is it time to go?” she asked.

“Mmm hmm.” She felt his eyes her as she stretched and stood up. Last night he had watched her sleep and he didn’t want the morning to come. Here they were safe. Out there they weren’t going to be. 

She grabbed her boots and shoved her feet into them. She wandered into Daryl’s bathroom and picked up a brush and re did her pony tail. She looked closely at her scars in the mirror. It was wishful thinking to hope they’d fade. But she did. The ace bandage she’d wrapped her stomach in a few days before was in her bag and she thought it was probably a good idea to wrap it today. She pulled up her shirt. The bandage beneath was free from blood which was a good thing.

“Daryl can you hand me my bag?” she called out to him. He stepped into the room and handed her the bag. He reached out and ran a finger down her side next to the bandage. It made her shiver and goosebumps broke out on her skin. She wasn’t sure how to act or what to expect. Yet. Because something was starting. Or continuing. She wasn’t sure which it was. But he’d kissed her and they had now slept in each other's beds. She wasn’t going to complicate it by thinking about it. Not yet.

“How’s it healing?” He continued to stare at the bandage and the path his finger was taking.

“Good.” She swallowed hard and watched as he brushed his finger along the edge of the bandage. A knock at the door brought them both back into the moment. 

“Glenn and Denise are here.” Aaron called out. Daryl dropped his hand and backed away from Beth. She dug in her bag and found the ace bandage, wrapped it tight around her middle and after securing it with a safety pin she pulled her tank top down and put on her hoodie. 

“We goin’ ?” she looked at him, but she avoided his eyes. Her face felt flush. His finger on her skin had skewed her focus. He didn’t answer right away. He just stood there watching her. “Daryl?”

“Yeah. We’re goin’ ” She followed him out the door.

* * *

They spent the morning walking. Daryl cringed every time Denise stepped on a stick and drew attention to them. Half the time the sounds were magnified by his own mind. Beth watched him and he knew she appreciated that he held his tongue. She moved up beside Denise and pointed to the ground.

“Watch for sticks and stuff that makes noise. It’s really hard to see,” Beth said lightly. And Denise nodded and took a little more care. Daryl gave her a little nod. He’d been watching Beth closely as they made their way through the woods. She was paying attention to everything. “The signs are all there, ya just gotta know how to read ‘em.” Echoes from the past. But she was doing it. She was reading the signs. He felt something deep inside watching her do these things, these things that he had taught her to do. Maybe it was pride? He never really felt proud of much in his life, so he wasn’t quite sure what that felt like. He just let it sit. Hours later they still hadn’t seen any signs that other people had been here. Other people being the Saviors. This might possibly be a way into Atlanta. They had stayed close to the road and for the most part it was clear. There were a few trees they’d need to move as they passed through. 

“I think we can turn back. We’ve seen what we came to see right?” Glenn questioned the others, mainly Daryl. He’d have the final say. Beth knew he must be eager to get back to Maggie after what had happened at the outpost. They were on the edge of a clearing and just beyond it was another grove of trees. The trees seemed endless out here, but just beyond this grove it was possible to see blue sky and that the way was unobstructed by trees.

“Let’s go as far as those trees. Then we can turn back,” Beth regarded Daryl. “It’s just a little further.” He looked over her shoulder and saw what she was seeing and it did seem like the trees thinned out and that possibly there was more to see ahead. But he wasn’t going to make the decision on his own.

“What’d ya think? He directed the question at Glenn. Glenn just shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m in,” Denise said smiling.

Beth was already slipping away into the clearing. Daryl fought the urge to call out to her to hold up. She probably wouldn’t listen anyway. She wasn’t the girl he’d lost at the funeral home. He didn't know the girl he’d carried out of the hospital. He thought she was dead. And maybe she was because this girl with him now was different. Not bad different, just changed. She stayed near the edge of the clearing incase she needed coverage. Denise followed behind her. Glenn headed around the clearing on the other side.

Daryl squinted in the sunlight, he thought he’d seen movement, shadows in the trees that shouldn’t be there, didn’t fit. He lifted his rifle and hurried towards the women. Beth was almost to the other side of the clearing. Then it all happened so fast. Her body seemed to be jerked back violently by an invisible force, but she didn’t fall.

* * *

Beth scanned the trees as she moved forward. She knew Daryl was behind her watching her. She could do this. She’d been doing this. She knew how to take care of herself. It didn’t always work out how she planned, but she’d made it this far on her own. Something in the trees caught her eye. A shadow. But it was gone and she figured it was her mind playing tricks on her, trying to get her to second guess herself because he was right behind her scrutinizing her every move. She took a deep breath and kept going.

Slow motion. Everything was moving so slow. Beth felt something force her back and she stumbled but she didn’t fall. She looked down, there was an arrow, or was it a bolt sticking out of her hoodie right on her shoulder. And there was pain like fire, like someone had twisted her arm. She heard gunshots and then a soft ‘ompf’ sound from behind her. She spun around and Denise was falling.

* * *

Guns raised, Daryl and Glenn went in shooting. Shots were fired back and Daryl heard voices yelling to fall back. He saw at least two men retreating. He fired in their direction but they were out of range. Glenn was beside a body on the ground. He glanced at it and then scanned the trees. Daryl saw another body down a few feet from the first. At it’s feet was a crossbow. His crossbow, the one Dwight had stolen. The grip was covered in blood. He picked it up and glanced at the man on the ground. His hands were free of blood. Raising his gun and moving towards Glenn he glanced at the other body. No blood there either. Glenn took care of the bodies and Daryl searched the area. He found a trail of blood leading off into the trees. So whoever had shot the bolts had gotten away. He started to follow it and then he heard Beth.

“Daryl!” Shit! Beth! She was back there and she could be hurt. He turned and sprinted back to the clearing with Glenn right on his heels. She was kneeling over something, but she must have heard him coming. Standing up, she turned to face him. Her hand was at her shoulder and both were covered in blood. There were tears on her face. He felt his heart slam hard in his chest and his mouth go dry. 

“Beth?” he reached for her shoulder, but didn’t dare touch it. At her feet was a bolt. He recognized it, it was one from his crossbow. He stared at it in horror. 

“She’s… she..” Beth couldn’t form the words she needed. She fell against Daryl ignoring the pain in her shoulder. Denise’s lifeless body lay a few feet behind her. Another bolt protruding from her eye. She had ran to Beth when the first bolt hit Beth in the shoulder and seconds later she was on the ground. 

“We need to get out of this clearing,” Glenn said.

Daryl looked down at Beth. “We have ta wrap that Beth.” He was just going through the motions now because once he started thinking too hard about the bolt at Beth’s feet and the one that killed Denise he would lose it.

“We are taking her with us. We aren’t leaving her.” She slipped from Daryl’s arms and knelt beside Denise. Glenn came over and knelt next to Beth.

“I have a tarp. We can wrap her up. It will be easier that way Beth,” he said gently. Beth nodded. She reached out and picked up the other girls glasses off the ground. Wiping them carefully she put them in her backpack.

They wrapped Denise’s body and Daryl and Glenn carried her. Beth had her pistol out and ready and she carried Daryl’s crossbow on her back. Her shoulder was wrapped with the gauze from her stomach and a bandanna from Daryl’s pocket. It had to be hurting pretty badly, but Beth didn’t complain. She didn’t say anything and that worried Daryl. His eyes kept flicking to her as they walked back the way they’d come. His crossbow bounced on her back and he found it hard to even look at it. He would find that asshole. It had to have been him there in the woods. He should have killed him when he had the chance. Should’ve just killed them all. Spencer was at the gate when the finally made it back. He looked at their faces and the body that Daryl and Glenn carried between them. 

“Denise?” he said. Beth nodded.

“Can you help Glenn? I need.. I gotta do something.” Daryl said to Spencer. Spencer closed the gate and walked over to Glenn to help with Denise’s body. Beth had kept on walking and Daryl caught up to her. She didn’t slow down. 

“Carol can fix that up.” he said. She didn’t look at him, just continued to walk. “Beth?”

“No.” she said.

“What the hell you mean no girl?” Daryl reached for her hand to slow her down. “You want an infection?” His anger was right there just below the surface. Everything that had happened today was wrong. Taking the girls, his crossbow, the bolts. Denise’s death. She couldn’t do this now, he couldn’t handle it.

“I’m going to the infirmary.. I, I want to do it. I can clean it and wrap it,” she said quietly and he didn’t say anything else. She looked so sad and defeated and that was enough to push his anger down deeper. He reached for her hand and walked with her.

“Lemme help you.” If she needed to do this for whatever reason he’d do it with her.

The infirmary was quiet. Tara was gone on another run. She wouldn’t know what had happened to Denise until she came back. Beth’s heart ached for her. After searching through the cupboards they found what they needed. They did all of this side by side and in silence. Daryl glanced over at her, she was still, staring down at her hoodie.

“You’re gonna have to cut it off,” she whispered. He swallowed hard and reached for the scissors and started at the hem and cut up. The only sound was scissors on fabric. He kept his eyes on what he was doing and she kept her eyes on him. Their eyes met as he finished cutting through the collar. He put the scissors down and helped her slip the hoodie off like a jacket. The tank top she wore underneath was soaked in blood too. He stood there with his hands at his sides not sure what to do.

“Just help me clean it and bandage it. I’ll worry about the shirt later.” Beth said. He gave her a slight nod and picked up the antiseptic. He heard the hitch in her breath.

“Sorry.” he mumbled.

“You’re not mad at me are you?” He looked over at her and she actually looked nervous.

“Why the hell would I be mad?” he said gruffly. Once the blood was gone the wound from the bolt wasn’t to deep. He reached for a tube of antibiotic.

“Cause I.. well the bolts.. and Denise.” She literally couldn’t put into words why she felt he might be angry. So she just sighed. “I don’t know. It didn’t go as planned.”

“Not your fault. You did good. I was watchin’. S’ides it was my crossbow.” He fumbled with the gauze tape as he spoke that last sentence. Beth looked at him sharply.

“Don’t.” She laid a hand on his chest. “Don’t you dare blame yourself. It’s not your fault.”

He looked down at the tape in his hands and then back up at Beth. “I shoulda killed him when I had the chance. And I had the chance. Stead he stole my motorcycle, my bow.. Yer hurt, Denise is… She’s.. That coulda been..” he ripped off a piece of tape and finished the bandage. “..you, that coulda been you.” he said. He put down the tape and in a rare show of affection that was slowly becoming more comfortable between them he wrapped his arms around her and gently pulled her in close to him. He didn’t say anything. But he didn’t have to, he knew that Beth knew. She just knew what this hug meant without words.

* * *

Later that day Daryl buried Denise. Carol came and helped because with her injury Beth couldn’t do much digging. She sat and watched. She thought a lot about how she had got here and how sometimes she just felt angry. For no reason. Daryl and Carol dug and dug until they had a hole that would work. They didn’t really talk. Not much. There was just the sound of the shovels and the dirt.

“You were right Daryl, what you said earlier. You should have killed him.” Carol said. She kept shoveling and didn’t notice Beth suddenly stand up.

“It’s not his fault!” Beth directed this comment at Carol who looked at her completely confused.

“Beth. Stop.” Daryl said. He stopped shoveling. 

“What? I was just agreeing with him.” Carol said.

“You can’t do that! Don’t you get it?” Beth cried. Daryl dropped his shovel and walked over to her. She took a step back when he got close to her and he saw a look in her eyes that he’d never seen before.

“Don’t do this girl.” he said evenly.

“You’re not to blame. I been blaming you this whole time for not coming back and finding me. And that was bullshit!” Beth held her ground as he approached her again. “It wasn’t your fault. The crossbow isn’t your fault. Denise isn’t your fault. We’re all just good people making hard decisions. And they don’t always work out. I gotta believe that. I gotta believe in something or what’s the point?” She was frustrated and tired and she didn’t want to say things she’d regret later so she chose to go home. She was pretty sure Daryl would understand.

* * *

Beth turned and stomped off in the direction of Rick’s house, her blonde ponytail bouncing in the fading sun. Daryl watched her go and he bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. Another thing Daryl did not do was laugh.

“What was that all about?” Carol asked a bewildered expression on her face.

Daryl shook his head. “She’s coming home. We mighta found her a few days back, but she’s finally coming home.” Daryl knew this made no sense whatsoever to Carol, but he thought he’d figured it out. Beth was finding whatever part of herself she’d lost out there. She was finding her hope again and that was scary. It was easier to just give up and give in than to keep hoping and having things fall apart. Daryl knew first hand how that worked. But he also knew that Beth had sat on the porch in the dark at that piece of shit moonshine shack with him and she’d shone bright, so full of hope, that even he took some of that with him and tucked it away. Good people make hard decisions. It happened. He couldn’t carry that guilt with him forever.


	10. Revenge

Daryl and Carol finished burying Denise. It was hard and it didn’t feel good and the small bottle of whiskey that Daryl had in his pocket really didn’t take the edge off of anything. It still hurt and he still felt that it had somehow been his fault. What others said or didn’t say really wasn’t going to go far in changing Daryl’s feelings much right now. There was one person who could usually bring him up and make him see things a bit brighter, well she used to be able to do that. Right now however, even she wasn’t going to be able to change his mind much. In fact he was probably going to let her down too.

The house was quiet when he walked in. He wasn’t sure anyone was even here. But he knew she was. Somewhere upstairs, he just felt it, felt her. That had been happening more and more recently. He climbed the stairs and looked down the hall. Her bedroom door was open and she was sitting crossed legged in the middle of the bed. Her old journal was in her lap.

“This person doesn’t even seem like me. It’s like I’m reading a book someone else wrote.” Her back was too him, but like him with her, she seemed to sense his presence. Daryl stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to say. Beth had that effect on him.

“I’m going out. I’m gonna find him and do what I shoulda done,” he said. He saw her body stiffen slightly. And then she took a deep breath.

“Ok,” she whispered. He hadn’t expected that. He’d come in here expecting a confrontation. Especially after what she had said to Carol. Now he was unsure of what to say or do. She continued to just sit there, looking smaller somehow.

“Ok,” he took a step back towards the door and her voice stopped him.

* * *

“But Daryl…” Beth turned on the bed and fixed her big blue eyes on him. She knew this was coming. Even if the rest of the family and community had come to Daryl and told him point blank that he wasn’t responsible for Denise he still wouldn’t believe it. Not completely. Because that was just how Daryl Dixon worked. You can’t fix a thing that is inherently ingrained into who a person is. “I’m going with you.” Beth said and she stood up and put her hands on her hips. Her defensive stance. She knew he was going to fight her on this.

“No.” That’s it. One word. As if what he said was going to be law. She did however see the fear in his eyes and she knew where the “no” was coming from. 

“I am going with you.” she said it again and this time she stared right at him.

“This is not your deal..” Ok here it was. The argument she had expected him to use, the one he really and truly believed because no one else was responsible for the horrors going on around them and the bad things that happened because of their choices, all of their choices. No one but Daryl. Which was complete bullshit and she was calling him on it.

“Not my deal? Really? Cause I happen to think that it is definitely MY deal, at least partly. This doesn’t just involve you and your crossbow Daryl, and a choice you made that may or may not have changed things. You could have killed Dwight. Sure. But who's to say it wouldn’t have been someone else with a gun or some other weapon out there today that did the same thing?” Beth tried to keep calm, tried to avoid getting too emotional.

“It wouldn’t a happened like that!” His defenses kicked in and he stepped forward into her space. He wasn’t trying to intimidate her. That wasn’t Daryl at all. Infact he acted without really thinking things through most of the time.

“You don’t know that!” She didn’t back down. Why would she? She wasn’t afraid of him. Hadn’t been for a really long time now. “This is my deal.” she pulled her shirt up reveal the bandaged wound. A stab wound from a Savior. She pointed to the bruise under eye, faint, but still there. She held out her arms. “This is my deal because… because he..” Tears filled her eyes now and threatened to fall and she scrubbed them away because she refused to look small and weak in his eyes.

“Don’t.” Daryl said softly.

“What? Don’t say it? You don't want to hear it now? You asked, in your garage. They hurt me, humiliated me. He, he raped me.” Beth looked straight at Daryl while she said this and kept her chin up. He couldn’t take it. He turned away and kicked the door. It came off one of it’s hinges and hung there broken. She didn’t react, she knew Daryl’s rage well. She kept talking. “And there were others, Sherri, she saved me. And Noah.. in the hospital, he took a beating that was meant for me.. And Denise, she was my friend too. I know she was just in the way. You don’t think that I might have also been a target out there? She didn’t deserve this, but it’s not your fault. It’s not my fault. It’s just what happened Daryl! But I get that sitting here and not doing something, making someone pay for it doesn’t work for you. Well it doesn’t work for me either and I’m going. If you leave without me I’ll follow and I think we are stronger together.” She sat back on the bed shaking and he stood by the broken door, head down, fists clenched.

“You gotta do this?” she barely heard him.

“I do.”

* * *

“Get yer stuff and let’s go.” he still didn’t face her. He couldn't. Not yet. Everything she said. He felt it. But he couldn’t let go of the guilt. He hadn’t mastered that yet. He didn’t know how he was supposed to just calmly sit back and plan out some elaborate attack when he couldn’t get the images out of his head. Sofia, Hershel, Denise and Dwight and his damn crossbow, the shooting at Grady. But most of all, leaving Beth behind for a monster, this monster who didn’t deserve to live for a number of reasons. The main one being the image that he hadn’t fully let himself imagine, couldn’t imagine or he’d be no good for anyone or anything. They weren’t so different. She needed to face her demons too. And he had to let her.

They were taking the motorcycle part of the way. It would be faster. They hadn’t said much since the conversation in Beth’s room. There really wasn’t much to say. Beth knew Daryl didn’t want to her to come. He wanted her to stay here where she was safe. She got more than got that. She didn’t want him to go either. But they both had their reasons and for each of them that was all that mattered right now. No one else knew they were going. At least not yet. It wasn’t a secret. Everyone would know soon enough. They rolled up to the gate. Rosita was on watch and she just stared at them. Daryl got off the bike and pulled the gate open.

“Daryl what are you doing?” Rosita asked. Daryl didn’t respond and pulled the gate open. Beth saw Sasha on the wall. Abraham was walking in that direction. She didn’t know where everyone else was, but if they didn’t hurry up they were going to have to explain themselves and it wouldn’t be good. 

“Beth?” Rosita looked at her. Beth just shook her head. There was nothing she could say that would make this sound like a good plan. It wasn’t the best plan. She knew that and Daryl knew it too. That didn’t change anything. Daryl climbed back on the bike and they rode out. Beth glanced back over her shoulder and saw Glenn and Michonne at the gate with Rosita. Now they knew. 

Daryl drove back to the clearing where everything had happened with Denise. He hid the bike in the bushes while Beth looked around. They were going to go in the direction that Dwight and the other Savior had took off in. The bodies of the dead Saviors were still lying there. Or at least what was left of them. Walkers heard the gunfire and had come even before they’d left the clearing. There weren’t any here now. Beth pointed in the direction she remembered Dwight heading and looked at Daryl. He nodded back at her and motioned for her to come to him.

“Stay close to me. If we have to split up make sure we keep each other insight.” Daryl watched Beth’s face. She nodded when he told her what he wanted. She would listen to him and he’d try and do whatever kept them safe, her safe. He stepped in close to her and cupped his hand behind her head. Leaning down he kissed her, gently at first and then a little harder and she moaned softly in the back of her throat. He ended the kiss and kept his forehead pressed against hers. He didn’t have any words for what he was feeling, he very rarely had words, so he just looked into her eyes and hoped that, like with the time at the funeral home, she knew what he was trying to tell her. A rustle in the bushes broke the spell. It came from behind them. They both pulled their guns and turned around. 

“Daryl! Beth!” It was Glenn, followed by Michonne and Rosita. Daryl stood stiffly waiting for them. He had kind of expected this. Once they knew he and Beth had left, he figured someone would follow.

“What are you doing Daryl?” Glenn asked him. Daryl could sense Glenn’s frustration more than anger. 

“You shouldn’t be here.” 

“Do you think this is your fault?” Glenn asked.

“I’m gonna do what I should’ve done. For her.” Daryl said turning away.

“She’s gone! You’re doing this for yourself!” Glenn accused him.

“I don’t give a shit.” Daryl growled and started walking away. 

“And you brought Beth out here with you?” Glenn looked at Beth. That stopped Daryl in his tracks. 

“He didn’t bring me. He can’t stop me.” Beth walked over and stood behind Daryl.

“It’s gonna go wrong out there.” Glenn said shaking his head. “Come back with us. We need to get back there and figure this out from home. Our home. We need you and everyone back there needs us right now.” Glenn pleaded. Daryl looked at Glenn and Michonne. These people were his family. That girl behind him. This was his world, but someone had threatened that, had even taken something, someone from them. He couldn’t just let that go.

“I can’t.” Shouldering his bow again he left them behind. He was doing this. He looked over at Beth and he wanted to force her to go back with them too, but he knew she wouldn’t listen. He walked by her and nodded.

* * *

Beth looked over her shoulder at Glenn, Michonne and Rosita. She swallowed hard. When she made eye contact with Glenn she lowered her head and turned and followed Daryl into the forest. They continued on in silence for what felt like forever to Beth. But she didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything to say. She knew he would have liked to send her back with the others. She appreciated that he hadn’t even tried. They circled around some dense bushes, Daryl stopped and listened, getting a sense of their surroundings. He held out a water bottle. She took it and drank deeply not realizing until right then that she had been so thirsty. Daryl turned suddenly to his right and listened closely. Beth stashed the bottle in her bag and silently made her way behind him when he motioned to her. Using the trees as coverage they slowly made their way to what sounded like voices to Beth. As they got closer Beth could make out darker shadows among the trees. Then they were close enough to see Glenn, Michonne and Rosita tied up and gagged. Glenn had seen them too and was shaking his head vehemently. Daryl raised a finger to his lips to keep them quiet and heard footsteps that weren’t Beth’s behind them. Beth heard it too and she quickly turned to find them surrounded by Saviors. She reached for her pistol, but was knocked off her feet as a shot rang out. The wind was knocked out of her she couldn’t even scream. Her eyes widened in terror when blood sprayed the ground. Daryl dropped to his knees beside her.

“You’ll be alright.” Dwight said and he reached for Daryl’s arm to hold him up.

* * *

“Man this little bitch was at the factory. She came from the hospital! She’s with them!” A big bald savior kicked Beth in her side. She moaned softly and leaned forward over her knees. Daryl growled and tried reaching out for her. Beth heard his breath hitch as he stretched a hand towards her, his face was pale and she was scared he was going to pass out.

“This yer girl? Maybe we should take her too. She’s pretty.” the big guy said. He reached down and grabbed Beth’s hoodie and pulled her up.

“Nope. I owe Daryl one. Kinda screwed him over a time or two. Let her go.” Dwight said. The big guy did so reluctantly pushing Beth back down on the ground. She scrambled through the dirt and fallen leaves over to Daryl. She didn’t say anything, just let her hands touch him, trying to fix him or soothe him. His left shoulder was covered in blood. She tugged her hoodie off, hiccuping the screams she was holding back. She held the sweatshirt to the gunshot wound, applying pressure.

“It’s a shoulder wound. Not fatal. I’m under strict orders to bring him back alive.” Dwight laughed. Beth glared up at him. “We got a party to go to ladies and gentlemen. And your host is Negan.” The Saviors loaded them into a van that was further back through the trees on a road they hadn’t even noticed. Dwight tossed a blanket to Beth. 

“Here cover him up. We don’t want him going into shock.” Beth grabbed the blanket and gently slipped it around Daryl’s shoulders. She looked him in the eyes. He was hurting, she could see it and her heart ached. Her body was tense with unspent adrenaline. She kept the sweatshirt pressed tightly to his shoulder.

“Sit. By me. Don’t move.” his breathing was labored. So he must have noticed her eyes searching for something, anything, a weapon. But even she knew it was futile and she let herself breathe out, shuddering. Dwight and the big guy were the only ones in the van with them. The others had motorcycles. The big guy crawled in back and pushed Beth forward and attempted to tie her hands up and put a gag around her mouth.

“He’s gonna bleed out. You don’t want him dead you need to wrap that wound with something.” Beth said through gritted teeth as the guy attempted to gag her. She wasn’t sure this was really true. The bleeding had slowed considerably. It had actually almost stopped. But if they were going to restrict her from helping Daryl she would lie to make sure they did whatever was needed to keep him alive.

“Wrap it. He needs to be alive.” Dwight said from the front seat. The big guy did what Dwight told him to and then he left Daryl alone. Beth had tried her best to keep the tears from falling, but sitting here now, helpless, with Daryl bleeding and the others tied up, they softly fell. Mostly in anger and frustration. She rocked back and forth, felt his hand cover her bound hands and she let her head hang. The van started moving and a walkie talkie crackled. Muffled voices and then Dwight’s reply. 

“Yeah, we got ‘em. We’re on our way.”


	11. Hi I'm Negan

Not much was said as they drove to wherever it was they were going. Beth was terrified. She was going to be face to face with him again. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Not with all of them taken. This was a game changer. And Daryl was hurt. She looked over at him. He was pale, his hair hung in strings over his eyes, but he looked livid. That anger that would either save him or kill him was still there simmering. Glenn, Michonne, and Rosita sat across from them. Beth made eye contact with Michonne. Michonne nodded slightly as if to say, _‘we will get through this’._ Beth trusted that this would be the case. They would get through it, they had to. She leaned back against the vibrating wall of the van and tried not to think of everything that could go wrong.

* * *

Daryl on the other hand was thinking hard. His mind was hyper focused on what the outcomes could be. What he could do in any given situation considering his current state. He probably only had the use of one arm and he knew that he must have lost a lot of blood which would account for the tunnel vision that came and went along with the vertigo. He squeezed Beth’s hands again and their eyes met. This was the biggest problem right here. Trusting her enough to let her choose what to do on her own. He wasn’t going to be able to take care of her alone. He was gonna make choices with her safety as his main concern because, well because that was just the way it was. He couldn’t deny that. He’d fight for them all, but if it came down to it Beth was first. She’d probably be pretty pissed if she knew what he was thinking right now, but maybe not. He tried scooting a little closer to her, which hurt like hell so he leaned over. This didn’t feel much better, but he was close enough to her now. “Don’t know what’s gonna happen.. You... “ he didn’t know what to say. Her eyes were filling with tears and he felt his own doing the same. “Survive. Love you..” She nodded and twisted her hands in his.

“Hey what are you doing?” the big guy had heard Daryl.

“Shut up man. What’s he gonna do? He can barely move.” Dwight said. The other guy sat back in the seat. Beth saw Dwight glance in the rear view mirror at them. He wasn’t laughing or smiling and he didn’t look at all smug, like he should. The walkie talkie crackled to life.

“We see your lights pull over next to the RV. Unload them.” the voice on the other end was cutting in and out. At the mention of the RV they all looked at one another. The others, from Alexandria? They were here too? They had them all? Michonne shook her head. Daryl was sure they all knew that this had just escalated by 100. No one was gonna ride up and rescue them. They were going to have to fight their way out of this. It was going to be bad. The van came to a stop.

“Go out there and get us some help. I’ll start.” Dwight told the other man. He did as he was told and Dwight climbed into the back of the van. He knelt down in front of Beth. “I’m gonna untie you and let you out the passenger door. You need to do exactly as I say or you are going to end up dead when Negan sees you. Get out and hide under the RV. When shit starts, get in it. I’ll make sure a back window is open or broken or something. Hide. Don’t come out no matter what you hear. Negan is going to do what he’s going to do and then he’s gonna let your people get in that RV and go. If you are in it, you’re safe and you will go home with Daryl. If not there’s nothing else I can do for you. You understand?” he was already loosening the rope.

“Why ya doing this?” Daryl asked hoarsely. He couldn’t fathom what Dwight was up to. But it felt like he was trying to help. 

“I owe you. And I owe her. This is for Sheri. She made me promise. She knew. Somehow she knew. Negan will kill your girl for what she did.” he looked pointedly at Daryl as he said this and then he looked back at Beth. “Don’t try to do anything stupid. It won’t work.” Dwight said. He took off Beth’s gag. 

“Sheri?” she breathed. Dwight nodded. 

“She was my wife before..” 

Beth turned to Daryl. She put her hand on his cheek.

“Go.” was all he said. And it took everything in him to say that. She leaned in and kissed him softly. “Love you.” she whispered. She looked at the others and Michonne waved her on. Dwight took her arm and led her to the front of the van. He put her knife in her hand and he pointed out the window and pushed open the door and Beth slipped out.

* * *

Then she was just gone. Gone. Daryl exhaled and gritted his teeth. The pain in his shoulder was nothing compared to the pain of the void she left behind.

Dwight came back and knelt in front of Michonne. “Hit me. In the mouth hard. Make it look good.” He was faking her escape. He let her go. Michonne looked baffled, but she hauled off and hit him hard. Then she gouged his face with her nails for good measure. Dwight was knocked over backwards. “Good.. good.. Ok that’s gonna..” he started and then the doors were opening. Cold air blew in. “That bitch got out the front! Attacked me when I untied her.” he complained to the big guy. 

“Should I?” the guy asked looking around the van.

“Nah. She’s as good as dead now. We have more important things to do.” Dwight said. He gave Daryl a sideways glance and hopped out of the van.

Daryl could see lights and shadows and movement through the doors. Saviors came and took Rosita and then Glenn, drug them out the back doors removing their gags and the ropes binding them. Next they came for Michonne and then Daryl was unceremoniously pulled from the van. But gentler, definitely gentler than the others. What he saw before him made his heart sink even further, if that was possible. Because he was sure Beth had taken it with her when she left only minutes ago. Everyone he loved was here. On their knees. Waiting. And somewhere under that RV Beth laid, also waiting and trusting that Dwight would do what he said. Daryl felt the anger building deep in the pit of his gut. It was like a caged animal pacing and prepared to bite and rip apart whatever he could sink his teeth into. His eyes landed on Rick’s. Rick. He was in the same place Daryl was, but Daryl saw fear in his brother’s eyes and up until that point Daryl hadn’t been remotely afraid. That fear shook him. It unbalanced him. As he was pushed to his knees beside the others he glanced at the dark space beneath the RV. She was there. Right there and he was helpless.

* * *

Beth felt gravel digging into her palms and her stomach. She could smell the gas and oil from the RV. She could smell her own fear, sharp and bright. She heard voices as the Saviors explained what was going on. She laid her head on the ground and tried to see what was happening in the clearing on the other side of the RV. All the air left her lungs. She blinked and willed what she was seeing to go away. Just be a nightmare she was having. _'Oh my god wake me up because this can’t be happening.'_ On their knees, in a semi circle, were all the people she had left in this world. Her body burned to just scramble out from under the RV and do something, anything. But he had told her to go. Told her to survive. Now he was kneeling out there, the blanket hanging off his shoulders and there was so much blood. The RV moved and someone stepped down from inside of it and the clearing was suddenly eerily quiet.

“Hi, I’m Negan.” She froze. That voice. It came rushing back, filling her with a sense of dread and she was on her back knees puking on the cold floor in the factory. Beth heard a window slide open and someone was whispering, ‘Hey’. She shook her head to clear it and scooted back out. Standing up she searched the backside of the RV. A screen popped out of a window and Dwight was there.

“Come on.” He put a hand out to her and letting go of all her fear that this could be a trap she reached back and he pulled her up and in through the small window. He looked at her and said, “Hide.” Then he started climbing out window.

“I’m sorry. Sheri.. I’m sorry.” Beth said quietly.

“She wanted out. You helped her. She was gonna do it anyway. You reminded her of someone.. it was important to her that you get out and home. You are.” He dropped from the sill and she closed the window. Looking around she found a corner. A dark little space where she could tuck herself away and hide until they came back. Until he came back. Because she really believed that everything Dwight had said was true. She willed her heart to stop pounding so hard and she listened and tried to make out what was being said. She took a chance and peeked out the window. He was there, with a baseball bat. A bat wrapped in barbed wire. He was pacing back and forth in front of her family. And he was laughing and swinging that bat like everything was funny, like it was one big joke. Her heart was pounding again and she knew she should be hiding, but she couldn’t move from where she stood. Her memory kept showing her things she didn’t want to see. Things she was trying to put away. But he was walking back and forth reciting that rhyme, the one little kids used to help them choose who got to play and who didn’t. She kept getting a view of his profile, a smile, and she wanted to scream. Beth’s hand flew to her mouth. He was a monster.

* * *

Daryl was numb. He had removed himself from the situation the minute this bully had started his tirade. This was his father, pacing the living room, on a drunken rampage, using fear and pain to control two small boys. Daryl had been helpless then, unable to fight back because that would only make it worse in the end. It was best just to endure the initial outburst and hope that it was over quickly than to make it worse by trying to defend himself. It was going to hurt regardless. When it was over he could run. But this wasn’t his father. And he couldn’t run. His family was here. And Beth, she was in that RV. He had to believe it. He had to endure this to get back to her. This wasn’t his father. This was the monster that had put his hands on Beth. He had touched her, had forced her.. Daryl hadn’t let these images in for one reason, he knew he wouldn’t be able to control what they did to him. And he couldn’t afford to lose control. Not yet. Numb was good. It was best. For now.

“So here we go. How do I choose? Who’s it gonna be? Oh, I know.” Negan smiled swung that bat in small circles and starting with Rick he went down the line. “Eeny, meeny, miney, moe. Catch a tiger by his toe. If he hollers make him pay. My mother told me to pick the very best one.. And you are it.” he stopped and swung.

* * *

Someone was walking by the window outside the RV. People were screaming. Her people were screaming. A man was falling from his knees to the ground. Beth slipped into that dark place. She hid and she shoved her knuckles in her mouth to stifle her cries. She rocked gently back and forth humming a nameless tune trying to ground herself. Survive. That’s all she needed to do until he came back but she felt like she was slipping.

* * *

Daryl watched Abraham fall. He saw the blood flying everywhere. He even felt drops on his face. Like rain. Blood rain. And next to him Sasha was staring at the ground in complete silence. He looked at the others, but paid little attention to what they were doing, how they were reacting, he was still trying to comprehend what had just happened when Negan spoke again.

“So there we have it. And eye for an eye. And it really didn’t need to be that way. But I had to teach you all a lesson. I had to make sure…” Negan stopped and looked over at Rick. Daryl felt his body shaking because he heard it too and Rick needed to shut the hell up. He needed to stop now.

“What did you say?” Negan asked Rick.

“I said I will kill you. Not today, not tomorrow. But I will kill you.” Rick said pointedly. All Daryl could do was watch. 

Negan spread out his arms. “Go ahead. Take your best shot. But you do realize you are surrounded by 50 Saviors who will retaliate. Come on tough guy.. You haven’t learned yet? Do I need to get some guys to run a train on your boy? I do have a few that are into that sort of thing.” Then he pulled a fist back and punched Rick. Daryl was shaking with rage. 

“Let’s get this straight. I am in charge. You work for me now. You answer to me. You belong to me. Get used to it, adapt to it, accept it and everything will work out just fine and dandy. This is the new world Rick. Now go on home. We will contact you in a week. Until then, ta-ta.” Negan walked away followed by a group of Saviors. They climbed into their vehicles and onto their bikes and took off into the night. 

Still the group knelt there on the ground. Frozen in that moment of horror. It was a sob from Rosita that set them all free. Daryl watched her as she crawled across the ground towards Abraham's body. Suddenly everyone was in motion. Glenn went to Maggie. Rick and Michonne went to Carl. Eugene and Sasha tentatively approached Rosita and Abraham’s body. Aaron came over where Daryl still knelt on the ground.

“You’re hurt?” he asked looking closely at Daryl’s shoulder that was still covered by the blanket.

“Gunshot.” Daryl said. He searched the windows of the RV, watched the door. Beth. Where was she? Michonne came running over. She gently took the blanket off of Daryl. There were voices. They were talking, all of them and it was all blurring together. _‘Get to Hilltop. Maggie. Daryl. Wrap the body up. Take it with us.’_ Body? What body? Where’s Beth? Daryl tried to stand and suddenly he was surrounded.

“Hey brother slow down. You’re hurt.” Rick’s voice and his arm around Daryl’s waist, lifting, supporting. “We gotta go. Get to Hilltop.There’s a doctor.” Rick said. Michonne was on his other side.

“Beth.” Daryl said. He looked at Michonne.

“Where is she?” Rick asked. “I thought she was with you?” Daryl heard the edge in his voice and it started a small panic in his gut.

“Beth?! Beth?” his voice was hoarse and his body ached. And someone was dead. On the ground. Someone was crying.

“She’s in the RV. She’s there Daryl. He helped her remember? She’s there.” Michonne said to him and he struggled in her grasp. Daryl focused on the RV, but his vision was blurry and he kept seeing a bat and hearing screams and Beth wasn’t here. He couldn’t see her.

“You got him? I’m gonna get the others.” Rick left Michonne to help Daryl into the RV. 

“I got him.” Aaron took the side Rick was on. They moved towards the RV. Michonne told Aaron what had happened with the Saviors. Aaron opened the door to the RV and Daryl lunged forward pulling himself out of both of their grasps. He stumbled up the steps and into the dark room. 

“Beth?” he didn’t see her. Didn’t see anything. Then he heard it, just barely from the back of the main part of the cabin. Humming. He shuffled forward. There was a small closet and the door was open a crack. He pushed it open, fell to his knees beside it. Her. Knees to her chest, her arms wrapped around them, Beth was tucked inside that dark place humming.

“Beth?” he whispered. She continued to hum, her eyes squeezed shut, her body rocking gently back and forth. He put his hand on her knee and her eyes snapped open.

“Daryl?” she breathed. He tried to nod, but his head was spinning and all he could see was her and even she was fading.

* * *

When Daryl slumped over on top of her she started screaming. Suddenly there was light and Michonne and Aaron lifted Daryl’s body and moved it to the back room of the RV. Beth bolted from the closet and scrambled up onto the bed where they had laid Daryl down. She touched his face and ran her hands over his shoulder loosening the ace bandage. She was back to humming. Aaron watched her closely.

“She’s in shock,” he said. Beth felt a blanket draped around her shoulders, but her attention was still completely on Daryl.

“Beth! Beth look at me!” Michonne tried getting the girl’s attention. She took Beth’s chin in her hand. “Beth.” It was like waking up. Beth shuddered and looked at Michonne. 

“He’s gone?” she asked. Michonne nodded.

“Yes. He’s gone. You okay?” Michonne asked her. Beth thought about that for a minute. She looked at Daryl on the bed and pulled the blanket off and covered him with it. She touched his face. Noted it was cool so no fever. Then she looked at Michonne and nodded.

“I’m ok. What are we doing? Who needs help?” Beth pushed everything deep down inside and reached for the strength she knew she had. She wouldn’t break, not yet anyway. She wouldn’t let a monster break her. Her family needed her. She would be the strong one now, for Daryl. She’d do what he would’ve if he could. Michonne smiled grimly and took Beth’s hand. 

“Come on. The others, we need to get everyone in the RV and go to Hilltop. There’s a doctor.”

Maggie was on the bench seat with her head in Glenn’s lap. Beth let her hand rest on Glenn’s shoulder and she knelt beside Maggie. “What’s wrong with her?” she asked looking up at Glenn. Maggie was burning up.

“We don’t know. Something with the baby. Rick was taking her to Hilltop when they were ambushed.” Glenn looked terrified and Beth laid her hand over his. She gave him a small smile. She looked at Maggie again and felt her throat close up, but she swallowed and leaned over and kissed her sister’s forehead. “Hang on Maggie. Please just hang on,” she whispered and then continued through the RV. She looked out the door. The others were wrapping up a body in a tarp. She moved slowly towards them taking in the scene. Rosita was sobbing next to Eugene. Aaron, Sasha, Rick and Carl were arranging ropes and tying knots. Abraham. She hadn’t had the chance to get to know him. But he had been family. Michonne came and stood beside Beth.

“Help Rosita inside if you can. They are going to put Abraham's body on top of the R,.” she said quietly. Beth nodded and moved over towards Rosita. She put a hand on Rosita’s back.

“Come in the RV. It’s cold out here. They are going to take care of him,” Beth said gently. Rosita looked at her and then back at the others. She turned and walked towards the RV. “Eugene?” Beth held out a hand to the man. He shook his head.

“I’m going to help.” he said stoically. Beth followed Rosita into the RV and grabbed another blanket and wrapped it around Rosita’s shoulders. 

“Why’d that Savior let you go?” Glenn’s voice startled Beth. She thought he was asleep.

“Something Daryl did for him. And.. a woman, she was at the factory where I was. She helped me. Saved my life actually and I guess she was his wife, before.. Negan..” Beth felt an inkling of panic fluttering in her stomach.

“He hurt you Beth, didn’t he?” Glenn looked at her. Maggie slept with her head in his lap and Rosita sat across from them wrapped in the blanket Beth had given her. Aaron and Carl had come in and were in the front of the RV getting ready to leave. She looked around at them all. She knew they’d heard the question, knew they were listening for her answer if she chose to give it. Maybe she just needed to say it. Maybe they all needed to know. They were going to have to destroy this monster. They needed to know what they were up against.

“Yeah. He hurt me. He raped me,” she said quietly and then she slipped back to check on Daryl. He was there on the bed. Broken, but whole, still here. When she sat down he turned his head and looked at her.

“Beth… you, are you..” he mumbled and reached for her. Even with all the pain he was in he was reaching for her.

“I’m fine.” But she wasn’t. Not really. And he knew that.

“Ya ain’t.” he grabbed her wrist and pulled her down beside him and she buried her face against his chest and cried. She’d been strong for about as long as she could for now.


	12. Get Back Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I thought this fanfic was going to end with just one more chapter, but it's actually going in a different direction now. I have no control. I just go where the muse takes me. She’s taking me in a dark direction now. As the group struggles to unite against Negan, Beth is going on her own journey. She hasn’t fully let herself see where’s she’s been and she needs to do that before she can move on.
> 
> So here’s Part 2.. In which Alice (Beth) falls down a rabbit hole of sorts and gets lost while her trusty family of weird rodents (really just the people she loves) continue to fight the Red Queen (Negan, that bitch!) and possibly find an ending that isn’t necessarily happy, but better than flat out fucked up and sad.

Daryl had held Beth the best he could. She had cried into his chest, sobbed and apologized because she just couldn’t do this. She couldn’t keep going and pretending that she’d been so strong and made it and overcome all that she’d been through. She hadn’t overcome anything yet. What she didn’t realize is that she had to face it head on first. She held his vest twisted in her hands and he hadn’t seen her cry this hard since her daddy had died. When her sobs had eased up and her breathing evened out she had whispered in his ear.

“I’m just too broken. Is that even a thing, being too broken? Bullets and monsters are stronger than girls and they leave scars like mountains that are too tall to climb.” she sighed and he swallowed a lump in his throat. She was babbling and her voice didn’t sound at all like the girl that had walked across the clearing to him, strong and confident and definitely angry. Now it sounded small and tired and, well, too broken. Daryl was helpless. He could barely move, he couldn’t lift her up and look her in the eyes and remind her of how strong she really was and promise her that she’d get through this. They would get through this. But would they? He didn’t know. He didn’t fucking know anything anymore. He felt her shivering in his arms and he struggled with the blanket that was draped across his legs. He must have made a noise of some sort because Rick and Michonne were suddenly there beside the bed looking down at him and their faces spoke volumes.

“I need a goddamned blanket. She’s.. she’s cold.” Daryl said hoarsely. Michonne gently unwrapped the blanket from his legs. She covered them both looking down at Beth. She glanced at Daryl and when their eyes met he saw fear in hers. The two people he had come to use as a guide to where they stood and what they needed to do were falling apart just like Beth, just like him. 

“Are we givin’ up?” Daryl asked looking Rick in the eyes. He needed the truth. Because it was bad. As bad as it had ever been. 

“Is that an option brother? Should we?” Rick had tears in his eyes, but he also had something else. Something that gave Daryl a little bit of hope, besides the hope he held against his chest, warm and alive even if she was a little lost.

“No. Can’t be. We don’t work like that.” he glanced at Michonne. “You with us?” he asked her. There were tears on her cheeks, but she nodded her head vigorously laid one hand over Daryl's and with her other hand she reached for Rick.

“We’re going to Hilltop and we’re gonna get help for you and Maggie and we’re not giving up. He doesn’t realize who we are and what we can do. We’re gonna play his game, but we will not go down without a fight anymore.” Rick said. Daryl latched onto that declaration from his brother and willed himself to believe. Words had power. He knew that.

The drive to Hilltop took all night. Daryl wasn’t sure who got them there. The pain in his arm seemed to intensify as the night wore on and he suffered through it in a blurry haze that only seemed to clear when Beth cried out in her sleep plagued by nightmares that he couldn’t chase away. He vaguely remembered trying to calm her down by whispering softly into her hair, but he’s no fucking poet and the pain made it impossible for him to make any sense anyway. She tossed and turned, but subconsciously she must have at least known that she was with Daryl and he was hurt and she needed to be careful. He told himself that if only as a reassurance that he wasn’t losing her to the fears and insecurities in her own head. Cause he felt like she was slipping backwards. Maybe falling down that hole she never let herself see before. 

Dr. Carson came to the RV. He gave Daryl a shot for the pain while they moved Maggie into the clinic first. Daryl drifted back into a fitful sleep. The last time he had been fully aware of what was going on Beth had been asleep next to him. Now the sun was shining in a window next to the bed he’s lying in and Beth’s gone. His throat was dry and his body felt heavy and he couldn’t even call out.

* * *

Beth had woken up when the Dr. and another man came into the RV to move Daryl. When the lifted him it hurt and he moaned in pain and she had admonished the men.

“Be careful! He’s hurtin’.” Rick had been there too and he’d taken her hand and led her out and showed her where they were. 

“I want to stay with him.” She wasn’t interested in seeing Hilltop. Being out here alone without Daryl made her anxious. Rick watched her a little too closely and it made her uncomfortable. She tried to follow the men as they took Daryl away from the RV. But Rick held her back.

“The Dr. is gonna look him over Beth, make sure there aren’t any bullet fragments in his shoulder and see about stitching it up.” he spoke softly like he was talking to a skittish animal that might bolt at any second. “He’ll be fine. You can see him after. I’ll find out where you can stay and wait…” 

“I’m gonna go for a walk.” she said in a voice that was high and tight and didn’t sound anything like her. She stepped around Rick and headed towards the gates they had driven through when they arrived. But Rick followed her and caught up.

“Beth! You need to stay inside the walls. It isn’t safe out there.” he reached for her arm and she jerked it away. She turned away from the gate, but kept walking leaving Rick standing there watching her.

She walked for a few minutes without really paying attention to her surroundings. Suddenly she was enveloped in a smell that hit her right in the chest. It made her stop and take a good look around her and she saw it. There was a small makeshift stable and inside a fenced in area was a horse. The farm came tumbling out of her subconscious like a butterfly, beautiful and fleeting. Beth walked towards the stable longing to lay her hand on the dusty brown horse's flank. She knew instinctively it would be warm and hard and the darker hair of it’s mane would be coarse and would tickle her arm if she stood close. She climbed up on the bottom rung of the fence and the horse, curious, lazily walked in her direction. It nickered softly and she held her hand out, it bumped its head gently against it.

“Well look at that!” An older man came around the corner and spotted Beth with the horse. “That old nag won’t let anyone touch it.” Beth pulled her hand away. “Who are you?” he asked.

Beth didn’t respond. She stepped down from the fence and started to back away. Another younger man joined the older one. He eyed Beth suspiciously.

“You came with the group Jesus brought it didn’t you? Rick’s group from Alexandria?” He looked around Carl’s age. She noticed the way he looked her up and down and decided to use that to her advantage. She nodded slightly.

“You like horses?” the older man asked. He had a kind face and it made her heartache because he reminded her of her daddy. The horse put its head over the fence and blew a breath out of its nostrils. She nodded again and stepped closer and rubbed its nose. 

“I lived on a farm, before..” she said quietly. And something dark coiled in the pit of her stomach. _‘You haven’t lived there for a long time Beth. You don’t live anywhere now.’_ That was new. Voices. 

“There were injured brought in, you guys met up with Negan I heard?” the younger man was obviously fishing for information. Beth figured she could use this too.

“My sister is sick. And my boyfriend..” Boyfriend. That sounded so cliche. It wasn’t the right word, but maybe it was the word they’d understand. “My boyfriend was shot.” Saying it made her anxious. She needed to find him and make sure he was ok. But she also needed out. These walls, the walls were too much right now. The older man headed back in the direction of the stable. The younger boy came over to where Beth was standing.

“What was he like? Negan. I haven’t gone on a run yet.” he asked greedily as if it was something he had to know.

“How old are you?” Beth asked him. He puffed out his chest.

“I’m 16.” he said and then his face fell. “But.. I, I have a lame hand. Birth defect. They won’t let me go.” Suddenly the boy looked every bit his age, maybe even younger. The four years she had on him felt like more. Beth felt a tightness in her chest as she caught sight of the hand in question hanging by his side.

“You’re lucky.” she said. “I need to get outside the walls, is there a way?” Beth asked him.

“Sure, the gate.” he said smiling at her.

“I can’t use the gate. I, I have to get out unseen. I just need to breath a little.” she struggled with the words and then it came to her. The old Beth and her sweet charm. “I just.. they won’t let me see my boyfriend yet and if I can go out and hunt it will help. I’m really worried about him.” she hung her head and bit her bottom lip. He was staring at her uncomfortably which meant it worked.

“I know a way. Come on.” he said and she followed.

Birds chirped and the winds blew the tree branches back and forth over her head. It might have been beautiful to someone else, but Beth was just walking in circles. Afraid to go too far and terrified to go back. She kept hearing Negan’s voice in her head and the screams. And sometimes the voices she heard were echos in the hallways of the factory. Dark and cold and the closest to hell she had been since the world turned. She had to take deep breaths and bring herself back from those moments when the voices in her head blurred the world that was around her now. Was she losing touch? She knew she was broken. She remembered what she had told Daryl in the RV. _'Woulda been better off dead.'_ Whose voice was that? It wasn’t her own. She didn’t believe that. She couldn’t. She’d always had hope. She’d held on to it like a promise. Or at least she had. She couldn’t remember when she let go of it. It was so hard to hold on to. She was tired. She’d been through so much. She had tried to hold on to hope and faith and all that stuff that everyone seemed to think was so special about her. She just wasn’t that special any more. She wasn’t much of anything anymore. A noise just beyond the trees got her attention and she unsheathed her knife and moved quietly between the trees. She expected a walker, a dirty stumbling walker. But it wasn’t that, it wasn’t that at all. It was a fawn. A tiny little thing, it’s back speckled with white spots. It nosed at the grass and Beth slid to her knees her face in her hands. The little fawn startled at her sobs and ran off into the woods.

* * *

Rick walked into the room where Daryl was recovering. Daryl sat up disregarding the pain in his shoulder. He felt a whole lot better than he had last night.

“Where is she? Where’s Beth?” he swung his legs over the side of the bed.

“Hey I don’t think you're supposed to be up moving around yet.” Rick said. Daryl could tell he was keeping his voice even so as not to give anything away. He knew Rick well.

“Don’t fuck with me Rick, where is she?” Daryl asked again. He still had on his pants and he searched the room for his shirt. He was staring feel anxious. He knew Beth’s state of mind right now and he was scared, yes that was it, scared with her out of his sight.

“She wanted to go for a walk. I told her not to leave the walls.” Rick said.

“You did what? You let her go off on her own?” Daryl growled. He found his shirt and struggled to get it on. His shoulder was bandaged and it made it almost impossible to move that arm. “She ain’t in her right mind Rick! I don’t know what she’ll do!” Rick reached for the shirt and held it up so that Daryl could put his arm in the sleeve.

“Calm down. She’s out there. We’ll go get her.” Rick told him. Daryl didn’t bother buttoning the shirt and he tugged on his boots with one hand leaving them unlaced. He followed Rick out of the room in the infirmary. Dr. Carson was in the front room, a small office.

“You need to be in bed Daryl. You’re gonna rip those stitches out.” he said eyeing Daryl.

“M’ fine. Gotta take care of something.” Daryl said heading for the door.

“I’ll bring him back. Won’t be long.” Rick told the Dr. and he followed Daryl out the door. They walked back over to the where the RV was parked. Aaron and Rosita were there.

“You guys seen Beth?” Daryl asked. Rosita shook her head.

“No. Not since we got here.” Aaron said. 

“She was over by the stables.” Sasha said. The girl was standing by the back of the RV. Daryl looked at her. 

“When?” he asked.

“That was a while ago. She hasn’t come back by here since.” Sasha said.

Daryl took off in the direction of the stables. Maybe she had gone to see the horses. That made sense, kind of. Even with all the drugs his shoulder was beginning to ache now and the panic in the pit of his stomach was growing. But she had to be here. Where would she go? He gnawed at his thumb nail and glanced over at Rick. There was a kid in the corral with a horse when Rick and Daryl walked up.

“Hey have you seen a blonde girl wandering around here?” Rick asked. The kid looked up and eyed Rick and Daryl. 

“Yeah, yeah she came in on the RV with you guys.” he looked at Daryl. “You’re her boyfriend, the one who was shot? She wanted to see you, said they wouldn't let her and just wanted to walk in the woods, hunt or something she said.” the boy smiled.

“Where’s she at?” Daryl barked. “You let her out that gate?” The boy looked a bit taken aback and scared. Daryl scanned the bit of wall he could see from here.

“Well no.. She said she couldn’t go out the gate..” he said timidly.

“Where’d she go?” Rick asked. An older man came out of the stables and approached them.

“Is there a problem here? Robert what’s going on?” he asked.

“We’re looking for Beth, the blonde girl that was here talking to Robert earlier.” Rick said.

Daryl was pacing now. He was ready to explode. “Where the hell is she?” 

“Woah now.. Hold on. She was here. Petting old Scout. Where’d she go Robert?” 

“He got her over that damn wall somehow! Where’s she at boy?” Daryl was angry now. She was gone. She’d gone outside the wall alone. No telling what could happen to her. 

“I, I showed her the ladder and the rope.” Robert said. 

“What the fucks that?” Daryl bellowed.

“She couldn’t have gone down that rope.” the older man said.

“If it was a way out she damn well could! Rick we gotta get out there!” Daryl turned and headed back towards the main gate. Rick started to follow.

“Wait you can’t walk around out there with him injured. I have a jeep for runs. I’ll get it. Meet me at the gate.” the older man told Rick. 

“Daryl wait! Hold up! That guys is bringing a jeep.” Rick caught up with Daryl.

“Why’d you let her go man? She’s… she’s…” Daryl struggled with the words and eventually gave up and just kept walking.

“What do you mean she’s not right in her mind Daryl?” Rick asked. “She seemed to be doing good.”

“She puts up a good front, that girl. But she’s just, she’s having a tough time. She ain’t faced what she’s been through. That’s a lot of demons for one girl. She needs, I gotta find her.” Daryl turned his face away and Rick saw him wipe his eyes with the back of his hand.

“You love her.” Rick said quietly. Daryl nodded slightly still not making eye contact. “She’s out there. We will find her. I’m sorry man.” Rick said.

The older man from the stables drove up in a small jeep. Rick and Daryl jumped in and when they got to the gate the man just waved and the person guarding it let them through. The circled around to the ladder and rope where Beth came out and went out from there. After about 30 minutes of searching Rick spotted her between two trees.

“Stop here.” he said. He jumped out first even before Daryl could get the door open. Beth had her gun pulled and pointed at the jeep. “Beth. It’s me, Rick. Lower the gun.” Rick said gently.

* * *

Her hands were shaking and she moved slowly backwards. It figured he’d come looking. Like she was some helpless kid. She was frustrated, but she wasn’t gonna shoot him. The safety wasn’t even off.

“Go back Rick I.. “ Then she saw him. Daryl. She dropped her hands to her sides the gun hanging loosely. 

“Daryl.. you’re hurt. What are you doing out here.?” She looked at him. His shirt unbuttoned and flapping in the wind. She could see the bandaged shoulder underneath. He hadn’t even laced up his boots. But he was here. He came looking for her.

“Are you crazy girl? Goddammit Beth! Why are ya out here?” he marched towards her and right at that moment all she wanted him to do was grab her and kiss her, she was so relieved to see him. She let the gun slip from her fingers and she just stood there watching him walk towards her. She was tired, so tired. 

Something in her eyes and the way her whole person seemed to just deflate took Daryl a bit by surprise. He expected resistance and anger. He approached her and put his good arm around her and his hand on the back of her head. She didn’t fight it. Didn’t want to. “I gotcha. Come on.” he whispered. 

She held on tight to him, but she was careful of his shoulder. That was there in the back of her mind even though everything else seemed to be mixed up.

“You came back for me this time? Didn’tcha..” she laughed a little. “You both came back for me.” She wanted to scream, _‘cause I’m not a dead girl’_ but she knew that was a crazy thing to want to scream and she knew that her mind was rebelling against her. She’d told him she was broken. She felt the cracks getting bigger little by little. But he was here now and she wouldn’t fall completely apart. If she did he could just pick up the pieces and put her back together again. Like Humpty Dumpty or a puzzle. He could chose. Eeney, meeny, miney, moe.. The last thing she remembered was screaming for real.


	13. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth thought coming home and being with the people she loved would make everything okay. But not dealing with the past isn't going to make it go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains an explicit description of rape. Please be aware of this before you read. Thanks you...

Daryl knew what screams sounded like. He could probably tell the difference between and categorize them by the why and what. Background noise for the majority of his life, screams are not particularly troublesome for him anymore. But he has never heard Beth scream. Apparently that made all the difference in the world. This isn’t background noise. She was lost somewhere in her own head. It wasn’t pain, or anger, there was no fear in her screams. It was just utter hopelessness. Her eyes were open, but it wasn’t Beth he was seeing in those eyes. She leaned against him, didn’t fight him and he tried to comfort her, but his damn shoulder. At one point Rick leaned over the seat in the small jeep and tried talking her down. He may as well have been invisible. There was no point in even trying. Nothing was getting through to her. But the screams needed to stop. It’s noise and noise attracts walkers, it’s also not feasible for them as the new group to come off as unstable. Although Daryl cared less about the later than the fact that Beth was coming apart right in front of him. Digging into the pocket on the front of his flannel he pulled out a syringe and popped the top off with his thumb. It’s easy to reach over and sink the needle into her bicep. It only took a few seconds for the sedative to kick in and her screams became ragged breathing and then even breathing and then silence.

“What’d you give her?” Rick eyed the empty syringe in his hands. Daryl shrugged.

“Sedative. Was on the table in the room I was in.” Daryl broke the needle and shoved the plastic tube into his pocket. Rick’s eyes moved over Beth. He’s making sure she’s fucking breathing? Really? Daryl looked at him and shook his head. 

“I know what it is. Merle had this shit all over the house. Used it to come down from bad trips. You think I woulda gave her something I wasn’t sure ‘bout?” Daryl met the other man’s eyes and glared at him. 

“Daryl I’m just asking.” Daryl didn’t see any judgment there. But of all of them Rick should know that he would take care of Beth.

“ ‘Mmhmm.” Beth was tucked in the crook of his good arm. She shuddered and he hoped he didn’t just lock her inside some horrible nightmare.

Daryl wasn’t comfortable taking Beth into the infirmary. If he had his way they’d just get in the RV and head back to Alexandria. He’d take care of her. And himself. He’d done it before and he had a feeling that Beth was gonna need time to pull herself out of what she’d gone through. That ain’t gonna be easy. Seemed like the hardest shit to let go of and move on from was the stuff that tried to break you. Beth wasn’t broken, she’s to tough for that. He knew this for a fact, but she’s lost and she needed to find her way back. 

In the end Daryl agreed to taking her in because Rick asked him too. Just as he figured Beth was fine. Her vitals were all normal. She’d just been given a reprieve from the hell she is gonna have to work through. For now. Of course Dr. Carson wasn’t happy with what Daryl did. Daryl didn’t care. He gave Daryl a lecture about sedation safety and something about monitoring a patient. Daryl didn’t listen. It was only when the good doc mentioned leaving Beth to recover there that Daryl finally heard him. He clenched his fists and tried to control the urge to laugh in the other man’s face. 

“I ain’t leavin’ her here! She’s going home with me.” Daryl could see that his reaction to that suggestion made the doctor nervous. He was aware that he could be intimidating, but was never fully conscious of the fact until it became a thing. Rick must have heard his outburst because he chose that moment to come into the infirmary.

“Everything okay?” His eyes searched Daryl’s face for clues and lingered for a moment on Beth. 

“ ‘S fine. The doc here thinks Beth needs to stay and recover. Ain’t happening. She goes with me. Ain’t gonna leave her behind again.” He knew there was some kind of emotion behind his words, he just wasn’t sure how to label it, but Rick understood.

“I was merely suggesting..” Dr. Carson began but Rick cut him off.

“Like he said, we’ll handle it. She’s in good hands. Thank you for everything.” Rick was all business when he had to be. Michonne walked in and nodded at Rick.

“Everyone that’s going is ready.” she told him. She made eye contact with Daryl and he just nodded to her.

Daryl watched as the doctor looked again at Beth.

“Do you need help moving her?” he asked.

“Rick’s got her.” He looked at Rick and the question was in his eyes and Rick nodded.Rick carried Beth to the RV. Maggie stood near by, waiting. Daryl saw the way her expression changed when she saw Beth in Rick’s arms. He knew it was all coming back. He felt it too. 

“She’s fine. Needed to sleep. I can’t leave her. I’ll, I’m gonna take care of her.” Daryl looked at the girl standing there. She looked as broken as Beth had outside the walls in the woods. They needed to get strong and rebuild and make that son of bitch pay for what he did to their people. They needed to make sure he couldn’t ever do anything again. Maggie slipped her arms around Daryl and he stiffened not used to being touched by really anyone but Beth. He relaxed and put a hand on her shoulder. “Get yerself better and come home.” He gave her a small smile and was blessed in return with a beautiful Greene girl smile that had the ghost of Beth in it. She nodded.

“I will.”

 

Spencer closed the gate behind them. Rick drove the RV to the front of his house and parked it. Beth was still “sleeping” and Rick came and took her from Daryl and carried her in. He laid her on the couch and turned to Daryl.

“I need to go touch base with everyone and get Judith. You’ll be good?” Daryl nodded at him. A few seconds later the front door opened and closed. Looking down at Beth he felt his chest constrict. She looked peaceful, too peaceful for his liking. He knelt on the floor beside the couch. Her breath was warm against his cheek and he felt himself loosen up a bit. He stayed there on the floor, tipped his head back and closed his eyes. Things were bad. They were only gonna get worse now. They’d wanted a fight, to take this bastard down. Now it was looking like a war. His head was pounding. A dull ache in his shoulder was beginning to border on being uncomfortable to the point of him actually getting up and taking something for it. For now though he wanted to be here, close enough to hear her small sleeping breaths. Just as he was drifting off she started to whimper and he felt her as she tossed and turned, struggling in a nightmare. He clambered up onto the couch and awkwardly maneuvered her into his lap.

“ ‘S ok Beth.. Just a dream, I got you.” he tried to use a soothing voice and he brushed her her hair back from her face. She sat up and tried to pull herself even closer to him, yanking at his shirt and making that dull ache wake up. Her eyes were still closed, but she was seeing something behind them in the darkness.

“My momma, momma came out of the barn and he had her, and he was lau.. laughing.” She was breathless trying to get the words out. Her face was contorted in pain and misery.

“He hit her with the bat.. Oh god… Stop!” Daryl tried to hold her against him, but she was squirming so much and his shoulder was on fire now.

“Beth.. Beth!” He hadn’t meant to yell, but she didn’t hear him anyway, wasn’t waking up.

“Where’s Daryl? Where is he? What did you do?” Her voice was pure anguish and it’s him she’s looking for? But he’s here, he’s right here. 

“Beth I’m here!” It didn’t matter what he said or how loud he yelled, she was stuck. 

“No.. no Daryl you’re bleeding.. I’m gonna get sick.” She leaned over the edge of the couch and gagged then threw up what little she had in her. Shivering she laid across his legs and cried. He was helpless, fucking helpless. He rubbed her back and ssshh’ed her and she seemed to calm down a little. He heard the door opening and voices.

“Hey! Rick, I need help!” His voice cracked and she stirred on his lap. Rick came running into the living room and stopped. Michonne was right behind him.

“Go get a towel, wet half of it.” Michonne pushed him and Daryl felt like crying when she knelt beside them.

“Nightmare?” she asked. Daryl nodded. He tried blinking back the tears, but it didn’t work. He could take his hand from the back of her neck and risk her waking up or he could just swallow his fucking pride. He chose the later and it was Michonne’s fingers that brushed his tears away. Rick came back in with the towel and Michonne took it and leaned over Beth. Daryl watched her as she wiped Beth’s face and hair. He felt the couch sink down beside him and Rick was there.

“Let me check your shoulder, you’ve got blood.. there’s blood on your chest.” Rick pointed and Daryl looked down and there was a thin stream running down his chest.

“ ‘M fine,” he mumbled. Rick ignored him and pushed Daryl’s shirt off his shoulder. In the midst of all that Beth stirred and pushed herself up, blinking as she looked around at everyone.

“What’s.. I.. Oh my god, did I do that?” she stared down at where Michonne was wiping up the carpet. “I thought I was dreaming.. I’m sorry, let me help.” She started to get up and Michonne put her hand over Beth’s.

“I got it. Stay here and make sure he knows you're okay.” Michonne nodded towards Daryl who ducked his head against his chest. He felt Beth’s eyes on him. Then her hands.

“What happened?” She was still kneeling on the couch beside him and Daryl glanced up at her from beneath a fringe of hair. For some inexplicable reason he felt nervous around her all of a sudden. 

“Just checking his stitches.” Rick smiled over at Beth. She just looked at him with an odd expression for a minute and then Daryl saw the realization cross her face.

“That dream, nightmare, did I? You tried to hold me? I thought it was Maggie, well it was Maggie in the dream cause you.. you were..” she leaned over against the back of the couch.

“Beth.. ‘m fine. See. “S okay.” He pulled her in against him with his good arm. 

“The stitches are fine too. You okay?” Rick looked at Beth. He reached across Daryl and squeezed her hand. Beth nodded her head, but Daryl knew it was just a way to appease Rick. She wasn’t okay.

* * *

Eventually they were alone, there on the couch. Beth felt him breathing and she could tell he was tensed up, just by the way his muscles shifted underneath her. She wanted to ask, but if she didn’t, would it go away? She was getting so damn good at making things go away. But then some things came back. He came back, her family, her whole world came back and that should fix her, shouldn’t it? That should be enough to keep the monsters at bay. But the monster came back too. She sighed and pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. There’s a ghost of a sting at her side. The stitches were healing. Pretty soon all that will be left is another scar. She’s made of scars, stitched together by things that have tried to break her, but have failed.

“What happened?” she asked softly. It had to be done. She had to know where she’d gone cause very little makes sense from the time she heard the monsters voice until now sitting here with him next to her and he’s supposed to be strong and nothing is supposed to break him. But he looks like she feels. It’s in his eyes, was in Rick’s and Michonne’s. 

“Everything.” His voice, the gravelly, rumble that came out of his chest when he’s unsure of what needed to be said. 

“I need you to tell me because it’s all in pieces and parts in my head Daryl. I don’t know what’s real.” She knew that having him tell it, so much to tell, was going to be hard for him. Cause Daryl wasn’t a man of words. But he’s gonna try for her, of that she’s sure.

“Where ya want me to start?” he asked softly.

* * *

He gave her the pieces of the puzzle so she could put it back together. And he might not have got it all, every detail, but it was enough for her to understand and some of it she remembered on her own. She just needed a little prodding to bring it back. To her credit she didn’t fall apart while he told her. But maybe falling apart would be okay? Cause he’s pretty sure she’s keeping too much buried and that’s part of the problem. She’s gonna have to walk back through all the memories and let them go to the extent that she can.

“Sorry about the meds, they probably made ya sick.” he said quietly watching her out of the corner of his eye.

“It’s ok.” Her voice was so fucking small and lost. But she’s here with him and she’s letting him hold her and that is huge.

“Ya ain’t broken Beth, just lost.” he spoke so softly, so gently, she felt the lump that meant tears in her throat.

“We could leave, just go. Let ya work through this, out there just us, like before. No distractions.” He meant that. Wholeheartedly. Eventually they're gonna need him here, he knew that, but he’d decided back there in the RV that Beth came first, would always come first now.

“You’d.. you’d do that for me Daryl?” he doesn’t understand why she sounded so surprised. He can’t fathom why she’s looking at him in wonder, those big blue eyes shining with unshed tears.

 _I’d do anything for you girl.. Anything._ He nodded.

Beth dropped her head and fiddled with her fingers. He knew she was struggling with words, like he always seemed to be. He leaned his head against the crown of hers.

“Daryl that means.. so much.” she breathed.

“Just think about it.” he whispered back. “If ya want to.” She yawned into his chest and he realized that the day was almost over. They’d been through lifetimes since last night and even though they’d both technically slept they were beaten and needed more. He figured that it was okay for him to assume he was staying here tonight. He didn’t think he needed to ask but..

“Ya need to sleep, real sleep.” He rubbed his lips against the softness of her hair. “Can I, can I stay here?”

Her warm hand found it’s way around his neck and her fingers threaded through his hair.

“Please do.” she whispered and he hummed a soft agreement and took her hand in his again.

* * *

She stripped her clothes off and pulled a t-shirt over her head. Tired was such a simple word for what she felt and falling into bed and sleep, hopefully dreamless, with Daryl right there with her sounded about as close to perfect as she could imagine right now. She splashed water over her face and noted the dark purple smudges under her eyes, she would probably never look at her face again and not see a scar or evidence of the effect this shitty world had on her. The room was filled with shadows from the candle light and he was there sitting on the edge of the bed. She sat down beside him.

“Come on.” He leaned back and slid over putting his wounded shoulder towards the wall. She crawled up and stretched out beside him, her head on his chest. She didn’t question the fact that this intimate contact didn’t scare her and that she wanted him, needed him here as close to her as possible. There wasn’t a certain way to overcome a trauma was there? It was so easy here. Just so easy. His heartbeat under her ear and his hand in her hair at the back of her neck moving softly easing her into that sweet place where awake and sleep meet.

“Night Daryl,” she sighed.

“Night Beth.” The words rumbled gently in his chest and that to was a comfort.

* * *

Daryl had no idea what time it was or how long they’d even been asleep before it started again. She screamed and he knew that this time it was worse than before and he braced himself, tried again to hold her with his one good arm, but she fought like a tiger.

“Get.. GET OFF ME! I can’t... “ she rolled away from him and he grabbed her t-shirt before she rolled off the bed. He pulled her back and another scream ripped out of her and this time it was anger. His heart was racing because even though he knows this is just a nightmare he can’t do anything to help and she may as well be living it for real. A frustrated groan that bordered on a whimper slipped out of somewhere inside him as he pushed himself up.

“You can’t do this. You can’t hurt me! Where’s he at? Where’s Daryl.. Let go!” Like before she isn’t making any sense and her eyes are squeezed shut.

“Beth.. BETH wake up!” He followed her as she crawled down the bed and huddled at the foot trapped in her head. Screaming. The bedroom door swung open as Daryl made another attempt to reach her and Michonne came running in. She helped him get a hold of her and with his good arm he pulled her against him.

“I’m here, I’m here..” he kept saying it like a mantra until she calmed down and stopped thrashing. When she finally opened her eyes and looked around she shook head.

“Again..” she sobbed in frustration. Daryl bit down hard on his bottom lip and held her against him. 

“ ‘S okay..” But he didn’t know if it was. He glanced at Michonne who looked as defeated as he felt.

“I can stay here, in case..” She looked from his shoulder to Beth, but before he responded Beth started talking. Slow. Quiet.

“When he took me, I knew, I knew what was gonna happen. I just went ya know. I didn’t fight anymore. Those hallways were always dark in the factory. He didn’t say nothing, just walked and led me by the hand. He pushed me through the door to his room cause my feet stopped working. Then he said, ‘You’re a pretty girl and you’ll have it good. All my wives do. Better than the rest. But you gotta do your part to.’ There was a bed, his bed and maybe he had to drag me to it, a little. 'First time’s always the hardest,' he said. And I remember thinking, fuck you it’s not my first time and it felt good to have that on him. He wasn’t getting a virgin.” She laughed hollowly and Daryl felt sick. He looked at Michonne begging her with his eyes to do something, anything. She shook her head, a very small movement, almost not.

“He ripped the straps on that stupid thing I had to wear, lingerie, he just ripped them and he seemed to like… he liked it. He yanked and pulled until it was off and he kept looking at me, but I didn’t cry, I, I didn’t. He told me to get on the bed and I guess I wasn’t going fast enough cause he pushed me and yelled get on the fucking bed. So I hurried and I sat there. And he laughed and said, ‘I get so tired of teaching you all how it’s done’ and he pushed me back onto the bed. He grabbed my breasts and he squeezed them hard. It hurt but I wasn’t gonna cry even if that’s what he wanted. He was sitting over me and it was hard to breathe and he, he was heavy.” She stopped for a minute lost in some terrifying memory. Daryl was afraid to move, to breathe, to do anything that pulled her back. He didn’t want to hear this, god he didn’t want to. He wanted to get up and run, but this was it. This was her walking through those memories and he had said he’d be there.

“He took his clothes off right there on top of me.” Beth pulled at the hem on the t-shirt she wore, worrying it in her fingers. “I, I tried to look away, but he turned my head and forced me to look. ‘I’m your husband' he said, 'you’re gonna look at what you're gettin’.’ Am I crazy cause I wanted to laugh at that? I had to bite my tongue and make it bleed cause if I laughed, if I… Then he made me touch him, said ‘go ahead and touch it, I know you want to.. They all do.’ And I had to, I had to.. ‘he said you like that huh? Say it, say you like my cock, say, it now.’ “ She was looking at Michonne now and Michonne scooted over on the bed and took her hand. Daryl listened and didn’t listen but he heard everything she was saying and it played out in his head and the horror of this, that he could imagine, that he could put pictures to the words. His let his head drop, chin to chest and he closed his eyes, tears found their way through closed lashes.

“I said it, I said I like it but that wasn’t good enough.. ‘what do you like?’ ‘I like your cock’ “ she whispered these words and twisted and twisted the t-shirt in her hands and Daryl heard a tiny but distinct ripping sound. 

He just kept saying ‘I know you do, they all like it. They like it a lot.’ He had a condom, I don’t know where it came from and he tossed it on my chest and told me to put it on. No fucking kids for him, he said. I did it, I hurried I just wanted it to be over so I thought if I just did what he said… When he put it in me it hurt. It wasn’t my first time, but it hurt so bad and he just kept talking ya know? Just saying, I don’t even know what. I just laid there and I let him.. I shoulda fought back, I shoulda. Would you have fought back Michonne?” Daryl’s head jerked up at that and he watched Michonne’s face. She looked at Beth and he knew she was close to breaking herself. 

“No Beth.. You were right to do what he said. I woulda done like you.” she held Beth’s hand and looked at her while she spoke and Beth nodded back as if this conversation wasn’t all kinds of fucked up. Beth sighed wistfully and twisted harder at the t-shirt.

“Then it was over. When he rolled off me I jumped up and I couldn’t help it, I got sick on the floor and he just laughed and threw a towel at me. He told me to clean up my mess and wait for Sheri. I wanted to cry, to scream, I shoulda, but nothing would come out. I just sat there on the floor with that stupid towel wondering how a person who's just been, whose.. How come I couldn’t cry?” She sat up and pushed away from Daryl. 

“What’s wrong with me? I shoulda cried right?” she sounded like she was pleading with Michonne for answers and Michonne took her other hand and shook her head.

“Nothing wrong with not crying, you were in shock Beth. You were scared and hurt. He hurt you. Nothing you did was wrong.” He had no idea how Michonne was keeping her cool, he had no idea how he was going to maintain much longer.

“You ever been raped Michonne?” Dear god where the fuck is this coming from? He couldn’t keep still any longer. He put his head in his hands and tugged at his hair. It was Michonne’s answer that stilled his hands.

“Yes.”

“So you know.. you know…” The t-shirt was in her hands again and Daryl shuddered and in the silence it almost sounded like a sob and she turned slowly and raised her face to his, her blue eyes shining in the candlelight, a light sheen of perspiration on her skin and she reached out as if to take his hand, but changed her mind and let hers fall into her lap.

“He did that to me.” she said softly.

“He hurt ya’.” Okay he was here, he could do this, for her he’d be here. He didn’t look away, he reached out, took her arm and slowly eased her back into his lap. He cried first because he was so done trying to be strong and he knew she felt it cause she sucked in her breath and then she was crying too, against his chest. It was the messy kind of crying that leaves wet spots and red cheeks and swollen eyes. But it was also the kind of crying that lets things go. Michonne slipped quietly out of the room and left them alone. And it was just them, there on the bed for a very long time. Daryl eventually leaned back against the wall and Beth put her head down in his lap and that was the last thing Daryl remembered until he woke up to pink skies outside the window and an aching neck.


	14. Demons

Daryl rubbed his neck and tried working out the kinks without waking Beth. The fact that she hadn’t woken up in the middle of hell again was a good thing. She hadn’t moved from his lap, hadn’t moved much at all in fact. He sat for as long as possible and then he couldn’t wait. Nature called, he had to pee. Shifting her head, he settled it back on the bed. She let out a soft sigh, but kept sleeping. He glanced at his boots and the door but he knew he couldn’t go. Not now. Even though he was itching to get out. He splashed water on his face and like she had the night before, he noticed the bags under his eyes, the dark puffy skin that was testament to the fact that life basically sucked. He looked like hell and it didn’t really matter at this point. He went back into the room and stretched out beside her. Everything she’d said echoed in his head even though he didn’t want it to. Was this it? Were they doomed to just live out little bits of misery for the rest of their existence? He couldn’t fully believe that. Because she was lying right in front of him. And if he had, had to name the one thing that would give him something worth living for besides just innate human nature he would have said her. It would always be her.

“Daryl?” she mumbled in her sleep and he immediately reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder, hoping that it would be enough to keep her from falling back into the nightmares.

“Beth? Wake up, look at me,” he brushed her hair back from her face and she opened her eyes. And they were so blue, puffy and swollen just like his, but the blue was bluer somehow. She tried to offer up a smile, but it was just an attempt and he knew it was for him. She was trying for him.

“Hey..” She stretched and winced and rolled over onto her stomach. She rested her chin in her hands and didn’t really look at anything. He wanted to say something to acknowledge what had happened, what she’d said and what he’d heard, but he wasn’t quite sure how or even what to say.

“Beth.” Her name was a simple start, but she shook her head and looked at him with those eyes that were somehow bluer than normal. Eyes that conveyed the message ‘not now’. He gave a slight nod then, but breathed out what he couldn’t, wouldn’t keep in.

“I’m here. Not going anywhere. If ya need me.” His voice sounded husky even to him, like he was holding back tears, which he was. But he kept them in check because he seemed to get the feeling she just wanted to let it go for now. She nodded and blinked back her own tears and scooted into the curve of his body, her head tucked under his chin, one ankle hooked around his calf and she was here. And he had her.

* * *

Eventually they went downstairs and joined the others. Nothing in particular was said about the incidents from the night before. Rick nodded at her with a small sad smile and hovered around Daryl while they discussed what was going to happen next. Michonne put her arms around Beth and kissed her softly on the forehead. That display of affection from Michonne spoke volumes, more than any words could have. Michonne had been there last night, she’d been there the first night that Beth came home too. The room was full of their people and one or two of the Alexandrians and Beth paid little attention to the murmured conversations. She didn’t really feel fully there in the moment. It was a comment from Rick that brought her back into the reality of the situation.

“We’ll do what he wants. If only to bring peace…” Rick was saying.

Beth felt her gut twist and she took the two steps needed to bring her in closer proximity to Rick. She didn’t see Daryl come up behind her, but when she felt a hand at the small of her back she knew it was his.

“What?” All she needed was that one word and the expression on her face. Rick knew. After everything she’d been through, they’d all been through because of that man?

“Let ‘m finish, he ain’t done yet. Right? There’s more..” Daryl growled. The electricity in the room was suddenly palpable. Beth wasn’t alone in her confusion. Rick held up a hand.

“I told him I’d kill him. Right now he’s ready, he’s expecting us. We aren’t ready. This community isn’t. But we will be. Beth I know, I know you want this done. I know..” Rick was struggling with his emotions and it made Beth angry in a way she didn’t understand. It also made her ache. So when she found herself wrapped in Rick’s arms, his heart beating in her ear that was pressed against his chest, she couldn’t breathe because she didn’t know, didn’t realize how much of an effect this had, had on him. She knew he didn’t like it, knew it made him angry, but that was pretty much a normal response from anyone who knew her. This felt different. This felt personal. His body tensed against hers. She felt his breath on the top of her head and when she looked up at him there were tears in his eyes. She could also feel Daryl behind her, his hands on her hips, his body flush with hers. And in that moment she felt as safe as if she were back home on the farm in her bed and this all had been a nightmare. She’d been alone out there for so long and scared and she never thought she’d see these people, her family again. But now...

“I want to kill him for so many reasons Beth,” Rick whispered so only her and Daryl could hear. “And I will..” Here he looked up and met Daryl’s eyes. “We will. He’s gonna pay for what he did… to you, to us.” Daryl reached across Beth and put his hand on Rick’s shoulder. Beth could see the pain on both of their faces. “I promise.” Rick gave a slight nod and looked up at Daryl. He stepped away from them and wiped his eyes with the back of his arm. The room was silent and people either watched the three of them closely or looked away as if to give them privacy. Rick turned and looked around the room.

“We will be ready soon, until then we lull him into thinking we are obeying his orders,” Rick gritted his teeth as he said this, “let him think he has the upper hand. Because this is all just a game to him. But he won’t win.” 

There was more talk, questions from the few ASZ people in the room and then talk of Abraham's burial. Beth slipped away from Daryl and went upstairs.

* * *

He watched her and something about the set of her shoulders as she climbed the stairs made him follow. He found her sitting on her bed crying, not just crying, but sobbing and he wasn’t sure what to do so he just sat beside her. He reached for her hand and laced his fingers through hers. Because he said he’d be there for her and he was.

“I was alone for so long, there was no one. No one that mattered, not you, not my family. I was all alone…” God she sounded so small, so damn small and lost. Daryl bit down hard on his bottom lip and he glanced at her from beneath the fringe of his hair. She slipped her hand from his and folded hers together in her lap.

“Not alone no more.. Ain’t gonna be.”

She looked at him, into him and he could see she was working out something in her head, something she needed to say before she said it. He reached up to brush a lock of hair from her cheek and she caught his hand in her own and brought it to her lap and held it clasped in hers.

“What just happened down there.. That..” She took a deep breath and the tears were back again. “I felt so safe right then, between you both, safe and loved and Daryl, I just…” she leaned against him and he felt her trembling, he wrapped his good arm around her and pulled her closer. “And Michonne, she was here and..” He watched her wipe her face on her t-shirt and he thought he was starting to get it. She was used to being loved. She was a little girl who had been surrounded by gentle hands and kisses and hugs and she hadn’t ever had to sit alone in a dark corner nursing bruises and a broken soul. And even when the world went to shit and she’d seen and done things that were horrifying there’d always been people around her who cared and she hadn’t had to face those horrors by herself. She hadn’t been alone. Until she was. She was strong, he’d seen that when they’d been together, but he didn’t realize how much of her strength had come from knowing she wasn’t alone. It was okay to break now. It was okay to fall. She had a place to land. Beth needed that. She wasn’t like him, or Michonne, or Maggie, but she’d survived and now she just needed to know she was back, safe, where she belonged.

* * *

The world Beth lived in now had been off kilter, it had been spinning like a top gone awry ever since Dwight had untied her hands in the van. Maybe even before that, but she hadn’t noticed it then, hadn’t paid attention. And to be quite honest she had avoided accepting the fact that it was slowly getting harder to move on with her new life. There had been so many distractions, so many ways to avoid the inevitable. Why it had been Dwight’s revelation that had finally pushed her off that deceptively safe ledge she wasn’t sure. But she had fallen. Running and screaming she fell headlong down the rabbit hole where the past was waiting for her to look it right in the face.

She’d looked long and hard and then she’d let it all go, as much as she could, at least for the moment. Now she sat here on the bed next to Daryl feeling spent. 

_‘I wish I could just change’_ She had changed.

“I’ve changed. I did things I never thought I could do. And I did ‘em alone, but I survived and I’m here. And if I’m broken…” she tapped her fingers on her thighs.

“Ain’t nobody perfect.” Daryl said.

“And I’m strong.” This was whispered because she still had a hard time believing it.

“Hell yeah ya are!” He was so patient with her. He’d changed too.

“And if I don’t want to be alone..” She bit her lip cause this felt like a weakness.

“Toldja, ya ain’t. Not gonna be.” Daryl twisted his hand in hers and this time she let him lace their fingers together. What was coming next was hard. She wasn’t sure how to say it, but she needed to say it, she needed him to hear it.

“Daryl I need.. I need something from you.” She looked at him and she saw the slight change in his expression as he recognized the fact that this was something big. “What I said last night, all those things, those… I’m so ashamed and I feel like I’m just this ruined thing, just here and I can’t be loved in a certain way, because he took that.. He..” she swallowed hard and looked down into her lap. His fingers tightened around hers and she raised her face and saw fear in his eyes. She didn’t want to scare him. She could stop, just forget this for now. But this was part of it, this was facing what happened and moving on from it. And he was a part of that moving on, he was part of her now.

“Already said I’m here for ya. Go on.. Tell me what you need.” She figured he kinda knew where this was going now. 

“I need you to be with me Daryl. I just need to know that I’m not.. That I’m…” This was so much easier in her head. She glanced at Daryl and his head was down and he was biting his lip and oh god maybe this was too much for him. She couldn’t expect him to want her after what Negan had done. “I’m sorry…” She started to stand, pull her hand away. But he held on.

“Don’t.” She sat back down and he gently laid her hands in her lap. He drifted over to the window. His hands, fists at his sides, were nervously closing and and unclosing. And she gave him time.

* * *

Daryl had no idea until she said what she said where this was going. But obviously it had to go here. For a lot of reasons. A fuck of a lot of reasons. But Jesus Christ he was not equipped to deal with this. _‘Cause yer a fuckin’ pussy!’_ Merle’s words, he always could kick Daryl where it hurt. He heard the rustle of the bed behind him.

“Daryl... if you aren’t, if this isn’t something you want..” she sounded tired and sad. And broken and damned if he would ever make her feel broken! He sat back down and took her small hand in his big, clumsy, trembling one. 

“Jesus girl.. don’t even think that. I want, I’ve wanted… What happened don’t change my feelings none. I want ya ta be mine..” Daryl knew he was messing this up, all the words that he could use, all the ways he could tell her and let her know how he felt and he just stumbled over them all like some dumb redneck asshole. But Beth sometimes had a way of knowing what he wanted to say without him having to say it and when she smiled softly he knew she understood his pathetic ramblings. So he did the next best thing to spouting poetry, he kissed her and he put all the feelings he couldn’t put into words into that kiss. Even though it hurt his shoulder, he cupped her face in both hands and covered her mouth with his, he breathed in her breath and pulled her bottom lip with his teeth. She sighed and slipped her arms around his neck, her fingers tangled in his hair. He nibbled down the line of her jaw and nuzzled at her ear.

“No one’s gonna take away my heart Beth.” Huh.. imagine that. Maybe he did have a little poetry in his rough and tough soul.

“Daryl…” He knew that Beth cried sometimes when she was happy so the tears on her cheeks weren’t necessarily a bad thing. He kissed them away and rested his forehead against hers.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” she asked him, imploring him with those damn blue eyes. He nodded, his throat suddenly dry.

“Right, right now?” he asked and his voice cracked. Beth laughed softly and kissed him again.

“Well no.. I just, I needed you to know.” Daryl relaxed. He could’ve if she’d wanted to, but he was nervous and he didn’t care if his brother woulda thought he was a pansy, but he wanted it to be something special, for her.

“Ok. I can, I’ll take care of you.” Beth smiled and Daryl felt the blush spread to tips of his ears. “I mean, ya know..” Beth laughed and that made everything right with the world then she wrapped him in a hug.

* * *

Beth was sitting on the front porch when they came to her. It was just after sunset and she heard the door open. They sat, each of them on one side of her and Beth felt herself blush. Had Daryl told Rick how being there between them earlier had made her feel safe? Beth glanced at Rick and he smiled. Before she could think anymore about it Michonne came and sat on the step in front of Rick and she slipped her hand behind his ankle and he rested his on her shoulder. Daryl sat on the other side of her, his elbows on his knees and a funny expression on his face. She bumped him lightly with her shoulder.

“Ok?” she said softly.

“Mmhm’ “ She saw him biting his lip though. That was Daryl’s nervous tell. But it didn’t seem like a bad nervous. Maybe it was just all the talk from earlier. Thinking about that gave her a warm ache down low in her belly and it felt good, it felt normal. Right now even a little normal would go a long way. 

“I just wanted to talk, the four of us. I’ll let the the rest know whatever I feel they need to know when it’s time. First you need to know Carol left. The morning you guys went looking for Dwight. Tobin found a note,” Rick said. Beth felt Daryl tense up beside her. Obviously he didn’t know.

“Why’d she leave?” he asked.

“The note said she couldn’t do it anymore, killing people. And if she stayed she’d have to.” Beth heard the controlled emotion in Rick’s voice and she felt it in Daryl next to her. She remembered the last words she had spoken to the woman and that didn’t feel good.

“Can’t blame her,” Daryl said softly. “Whada we gonna do ‘bout it?” He reached for Beth’s hand on the steps between them.

“We can’t do anything. Not yet. But Morgan followed her. I was helping until things fell apart with Maggie. He said he wasn’t coming back without her.” Rick rubbed his stubble and Michonne leaned into him. They sat silent for a minute before Rick went on.

“I don’t know who will come for the supplies Negan’s demanding. Maybe he’ll send the Saviors, but I have a feeling he’s gonna make sure he makes a showing or two. Beth I don’t want him seeing you, not yet,” Rick looked at her and she suddenly remembered the Savior that had recognized her.

“But they knew who I was, one of them recognized me in the woods.” Beth felt a rush of adrenaline. She couldn’t handle that. What if they came looking for her specifically? Daryl tightened his grip on her hand.

“I know, Daryl told me. I’m hoping it’s not an issue since you supposedly escaped. Which is why I don’t want you seen. Would you remember the Savior who recognized you?” he asked.

Beth nodded. She saw the look that Rick and Daryl shared and felt Daryl nod. Michonne must have too. 

“What are you gonna do?” she asked.

“Kill him. If we can, if we get the chance to do it without an audience,” Rick said not taking his eyes off Daryl.

“We can’t draw any negative attention right now if we can help it Rick.” Michonne said.

“If it means keeping her alive I don’t give a fuck what we have to do!” Daryl growled. Michonne set her gaze on him and it was definitely a show down.

“You think I wouldn’t do what needed to be done to protect her? Any of you?” Anger rolled off Michonne like waves and Beth felt her heart ache again at this familiar feeling of having people, her people with her. 

“I know ya would. M’ sorry,” he ducked his head. Beth rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand. 

“I want weapons hidden in specific areas and I want all of us in place too, with a plan if anything goes bad,” Rick said. Beth knew they were smart and they had defeated so many foes, but Negan was a different story.

“We gonna let anyone else know what’s going on?” Daryl asked. He bit at his thumb nail.

“Glenn when he comes back. And Sasha,” Rick said. “But that’s it for now. I want to keep this close to home. We need to make sure we have everyone’s loyalty.” 

Now it was Michonne and Daryl’s turn to exchange a look. Beth felt herself wondering too, slowly going through the people she knew were original Alexandrians. 

“You think that’s questionable?” Michonne looked up at Rick and Beth watched his eyes as they scanned the houses and park. It was quiet now in the safe zone. People tended to stay closer to their homes lately. Daryl watched him too and she felt him tense up beside her again. Beth knew he was slow to trust people, especially new people and even though the group had been here for awhile Beth bet that Daryl considered most of the Alexandrians new.

“I think so. Hilltop too. We gotta watch our backs,” Daryl said. He caught Beth’s eye and she had a feeling they were both thinking of a conversation that seemed to have taken place in another lifetime. Good people can become desperate people. And desperate people can do things they might not otherwise do.

“Michonne and I will work out the weapons details. Beth would you want to draw up some maps of Alexandria, ones we can add too and keep hidden. You and... “ He was going to say Denise. She knew that and the pause took her breath and held it and beside her Daryl dropped her hand and drug his fingers through his hair angrily.

“Yeah, yeah I can.” Her voice felt forced and too loud and she blinked back tears. Was this always how it was gonna be? They couldn’t just forget people. They had to remember. “I know where Denise kept all the stuff we used last time. I’ll get it tomorrow.”

“That it?” Daryl asked gruffly. He rested his hand on the small of her back and she couldn’t be quite sure, but it felt like it was shaking, just a little.

“Yeah. Michonne?” Rick looked at the woman below him on the steps and Beth saw, for the first time, that there was more than just affection in his eyes when he looked at her. She stood up quickly, feeling like a voyeur peeking where she shouldn’t. 

“Yeah. I’m beat.” She followed Rick into the house. Beth looked at Daryl where he still sat on the steps.

“You okay?” she asked. He shrugged and she sat back down beside him. “You’re worried about her?”

Daryl looked at her and she could see it there in the deep blue of his eyes. Carol was his friend. One of his closest friends. She’d been there for him when a lot of the others hadn’t trusted him, before they knew him and realized looks can be deceiving and your family isn’t always who you are.

“She’s smart. Can hold her own.. And if Morgan finds her..” Daryl rubbed his face. Beth wasn’t sure what to say so she chose to say nothing. She stood up again and held out her hand.

“Stay?” He looked up at her and his face softened into a small smile, one he seemed more inclined to share with her lately. He reached back for her hand and stood up.

“Don’t wanna be anywhere else,” he mumbled. She saw the faint blush on his cheeks and the tips of his ears and her heart did a weird little flip flop in her chest as he held the door open for her.


	15. Endings And Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my biggest update so far!! It's an apology of sorts for taking so long to actually update this story! But here it is. There was a rating change because of things.. Finally. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this.. Reviews are appreciated!

The sun continued to rise and Beth wondered if a day would ever come again where she would welcome all the possibilities a sunrise brought with it. Obviously now any day they woke up alive was in it’s own way a blessing, but what they woke up to was a battle to just keep surviving and that got tedious. Sometimes it was so hard to have faith. She wanted to have that faith back. She wanted to be that girl that she used to be, but she’d changed. She’d wanted that too at one time. _‘I wish I could just.. change.’_ The problem with wishes is they didn’t always turn out how you’d expect. Some might say she was better equipped to live in the world the way it was now. _‘You gotta be who you are, not who you were.’_ Was this who she was now?

She stretched out her legs and surveyed the hand drawn map spread on the floor in front of her. Her heart ached for the woman that had sat beside her the last time she was here, drawing maps and eating stolen chocolate. She smiled a little at the memory. The door to the infirmary creaked and Beth’s hand automatically went to her knife. She hadn’t had any nightmares the last two nights, not since everything had come out, but the anxiety was still there, that feeling of waiting for the inevitable. That never really went away. It eased up when she was with Daryl, but even he was on edge. She felt it in how his body tensed beside her and she saw it in his eyes every now and then. Nightime in her room at Rick’s was probably the closest to normal that they had now. Daryl hadn’t taken a night watch purposely to be with her. She knew that, even if he hadn’t come right out and said it. He’d come in drop his stuff on the floor and kick off his boots and head into the bathroom. After he showered, they’d brush their teeth side by side. Almost like normal. They both slept with their clothes on just because of all the uncertainty right now with the situation, but curled up in Daryl’s arms made her feel sane for a few hours. 

“Beth?” Michonne’s voice.

“In here.” 

Michonne settled on the floor beside her and looked over the maps. She nodded when Beth glanced at her. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes and Beth got the distinct feeling that Michonne hadn’t necessarily come to look at maps. 

“No nightmares lately,” Michonne said gently. So this was where this was going. Beth had been expecting this to happen. She wasn’t sure how she felt about having this conversation about what happened in her bedroom the other night. A part of her just wanted to move on. She shook her head.

“That’s good.” Michonne fidgeted with the lace on her boot. “You asked me if I’d ever been raped and I said yes.. I guess I just wanted to tell you what happened. Let you know you aren’t completely alone.” Beth looked over at her. She swallowed hard trying to get rid of the lump in her throat.

“I remember, you saying yes when I asked you that,” Beth spoke softly. “I started talking and it all just came out and I know Daryl, he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know.. I think that I saw this look in your eyes, so I asked.” Beth rocked gently back and forth. Her stomach was in knots and she didn’t want to fall back down into that dark place she’d been before. Rubbing her palms on her jean clad thighs she took a deep breath, she could do this, hell she’d come back from the dead. And this, this was healing, maybe. Michonne laid a hand on Beth’s arm.

“If you’re not ready to hear this, or you don’t want too…” 

“I do. I… What happened?” Beth sat up straight and clasped her hands in her lap. How does one prepare themselves to hear this kind of story? Possibly the same way one prepares themselves to tell it. She didn’t want to hear, but she needed to.

Michonne had been young, in early 20’s. She went to a party with friends and was planning on meeting a guy that she knew from school. The guy was there, had been there quite awhile and was already been drinking. Michonne thought maybe it was nerves and gave the guy the benefit of the doubt. She was nervous too so she had a couple of drinks of her own. At first everything seemed to be going good. They talked and laughed and she pretended not to notice how many times he lost his balance even though he was leaning against a tree. She wasn’t sure how long they stood there talking before he convinced her that she needed to see the pond beyond the woods. The one the guys made new initiates into the fraternity skinny dip in. She went and looking back she knew it was the alcohol that lowered her inhibitions. Wandering alone into the woods with a drunk guy she barely knew wasn’t something Michonne would do. But she did. 

Beth watched as Michonne, a woman of very few words, articulated her horrifying experience. Michonne hadn’t cried while listening to Beth, but Beth couldn’t help the tears that silently rolled down her cheeks. Everything Michonne said hurt. She hurt for her friend and she hurt for herself. Crying didn’t mean she was weak. She’d learned that lesson a long time ago when she had decided she wouldn’t cry anymore. And she hadn’t. Not for a very long time. Until she came home and she felt safe and once she let go she realized that for her crying was a way to let go of the things that made her feel helpless and lost. 

“Did you tell anyone? The police?” Beth wiped her face with the back of her sleeve.

“My uncle. He took care of it. It was better that way. Guy got busted for raping another girl a year later. I’ll carry that guilt with me forever.” Michonne wrapped her boot lace around her finger and didn’t look up at Beth.

“Thank you, for being there with Daryl and for being here now.” Michonne shrugged her shoulders and Beth saw a slight smile. The silence between them isn’t awkward. It’s just quiet.

“I’m gonna go find Rick. He was going to take inventory of what we have, so we’re ready.” Michonne pointed to the maps. “They look good.”

Alone again and the quiet that she took comfort in earlier had gone. Maybe it's the fact that there’s so much on her mind. Sometimes those voices in her head that she heard at the Hilltop come back to haunt her. Little whispers trying to get her to doubt herself, to drag her down a bit closer to the darkness. They come when she’s alone, so she’d been trying her best to avoid being alone when she’s feeling a certain sort of way. Like she’s feeling now. The door creaked again, but she saw the shadow in the hall and released the breath she was holding as Daryl walked in. His eyes met hers and dropped to the maps.

“They’re done. I just finished.” He nodded and knelt beside them fingering the corner of the one closest to his boot.

“Looks good.” His eyes traveled around the rest of the room and she saw his jaw tighten. It was like she could read his thoughts, she felt it when she came into the infirmary earlier, the person who should be here wasn’t here anymore. The bin that held the pencils was at her feet and she stooped and grabbed it along with a couple of pencils on the floor beside it. Daryl rolled up the maps and his eyes were on her again when she turned to him. It made her stomach flutter. She recognized the heat low in her belly for what it was. When he held out his arm, she stepped into his embrace instead of just taking his hand. She pressed herself up against him and felt his arms come down around her. The warmth of his breath at her temple.

“Ya’ ok?” His voice rumbled in his chest and Beth nodded. He pressed his lips to her skin and she sighed leaning back a little so that she could look up at him. She shouldn’t be standing here, aching because she wanted Daryl to kiss her, and not just kiss her, but scoop her up and take her back to her house and strip her, strip them both so they could have their mouths all over each other. She shouldn’t feel that right now. But she felt it anyway and accepted that it was good. 

“We should check with Rick, about inventory.” Beth leaned back in against him. Just for a second, she thought to herself. Daryl murmured an agreement and cupped the back of her head pressing her against him. 

“Gotta go over to the church for Abe’s funeral too.” His flannel was soft and it brushed her cheek. She hadn’t paid all that much attention to how it felt to have to pull away from Daryl. It had always been about what it felt like to make that first contact, whether it was with their eyes or by touch, that rush she felt. She let herself feel it, the opposite, the parting, letting go, moving on to whatever it was they needed to do. Coming home wasn’t returning to the life she’d had before the kidnapping and the shooting. It was a completely different life now. Nothing was the same except some of the faces and even those had changed. What grounded her was Daryl. And maybe that was too simple, cliche even, to come back and have love be the thing that makes everything else bearable. But it was, kind of, in a way. She came back and they finished what they started in the funeral home. Everything else she did was a new beginning. Even her reconciliation with Maggie, her own sister, was kind of like starting over. But Daryl, he was like returning.

* * *

Daryl watched her closely, the girl he thought he’d lost. The guilt he’d carried like a weight on his shoulders. He saw a certain strength in her that she hadn’t had out there in that meadow where he’d seen her for the first time again. It was as if she was taking something from being here now and using it to buoy her up, to help chase away her demons and if not put them to rest at least put them away. He never once thought that he personally had anything to do with that. He’d never imagined that someone could draw strength from the likes of him. He didn’t really think to hard about where the strength to move forward was coming from, just that it was. All he wanted was for Beth to be here, now. She had scars, that was a given, but she didn’t need to fold under the weight of those scars. She needed to carry on, beside him, here with their family. Because he loved her, more than he ever imagined he could love someone, more than he would ever understand. He just loved her. He reached out and took her hand lacing his large calloused fingers through her small soft ones. She looked down at their joined hands and then up at him and smiled and for once the smile made it to her eyes, even amidst all that was going on here, his touch could reach her. That filled him with something. It made him feel complete.

The majority of the residents of ASZ were gathered at the church. Only the people on watch hadn’t come and Daryl saw Spencer in the look out by the gate. Rick and Michonne were waiting out on the street.

“How’s inventory look?” Daryl could tell by the expression on Rick’s face that it wasn’t good. Rick shook his head and confirmed that.

“We give out half of what we have and our people suffer. We’re gonna have to make a run,” Rick said as he nodded at ASZ residents as they walked by. “And we’re gonna have to do it soon.” The crowd in front of the church was dwindling as everyone made they’re way inside. 

“We leaving tonight?” Daryl asked as they made their way into the church. Rick nodded. He glanced at Beth.

“You’re coming too. We can’t risk leaving you and having any of the Savior's show up.” Daryl felt her tense beside him when he mentioned leaving and then she visibly relaxed at Rick’s words. Did she think he’d go without her? He didn’t much want to take her either, but the way things were now it was best to keep her as inconspicuous as possible. He accepted the fact that he’d function better if she was with him.

The funeral went as well as a funeral can be expected to go. It just meant losing someone else. Daryl figured he should be used to it by now. He shouldn’t feel so helpless when another one of theirs was taken or lost. He rolled his shoulder and winced at the dull pain. He wasn’t going to be any help digging the grave, but he trailed behind Rick anyway. He would stand there and witness it. Abraham had been a good man. He had been a friend. 

A sharp whistle from Spencer alerted them and Daryl watched as an unfamiliar vehicle approached the gate. Instinctively his hand went to his crossbow. Rick and Michonne both had weapons in their hands. Beth was reaching behind her back for the pistol she carried tucked in her jeans and when their eyes met he nodded his approval. She didn’t need it, that approval, but it was a bit more than that. He wanted her to know that he saw her, that he realized she was doing her part too, she could protect this family. Spencer waved to the person on the ground manning the gate, giving him the signal to open it. Glenn was behind the wheel. When he got out Daryl heard the sharp intake of Beth’s breath.

“Maggie!” she whispered and she sprinted towards the car and her sister. The sisters hugged and shared a quiet conversation. Glenn walked up and Daryl could see the stress in the planes of his face.

How’d it go?” Rick asked. Glenn just shook his head. Daryl glanced over at Beth and realized she must have been told the same thing as she had her arms around her sister.

“We don’t know for sure, but it’s not promising. We have to wait and see. Another month or so and Dr. Carson will do another ultrasound.” Rick and Daryl just nodded, shuffling their feet nervously. What do you say in a situation like this? Rick clapped his hand on Glenn’s shoulder in a show of support.

“We gotta figure some things out. Meet at Rick’s in a half hour? That enough time to get settled?” Daryl didn’t want to take away from the moment and the need to hear and feel Glenn's pain, but there were things that had to be done now. Glenn eyed them both and nodded.

“Yeah. We’ll be there.” He walked back over to the girls and Beth gave Maggie one last hug before she made her way back to Daryl’s side. She slipped her hand in his and he saw the strain on her face and knew Maggie's situation was weighing heavy on her mind.

Daryl tugged gently on her hand and Beth looked up at him, her big blue eyes swimming with tears. Lowering her head she tried to brush them away, but gave up and just leaned into Daryl. His body seemed to loosen, shoulders relaxed and he leaned back into her. Holding each other up, that’s what they were doing now.

* * *

The group that Rick had summoned met at his house. They filled the living room and and all looked expectantly at Rick. Daryl listened as he explained the situation with the inventory and what they had done with the weapons and the maps. Every couple of minutes his eyes inadvertently ended up on Beth. Perched on the edge of the couch next to Maggie, she held her sister’s hand and Maggie looked tired and a little defeated and Daryl imagined Beth was going crazy trying to think of ways to make Maggie smile. Or not. Beth looked a little defeated herself.

“Why isn’t everybody here?” Sasha asked.

“We need to keep this close for now. Trust is fragile. I know that Rosita and Eugene are with us, and Aaron and a few other Alexandria residents, but for now I want us to handle things.” This was one thing Daryl agreed with Rick on one hundred percent. There were so many variables that could go wrong. Having too many people carrying around sensitive info was dangerous. Keeping with just their core group felt right to Daryl. They could take care of things better that way. People could get hurt just by knowing what they knew. People could die. 

“What about Jesus and the Hilltop?” Maggie asked. The strength in her voice surprised Daryl. But then she was a Greene girl and they seemed to be made of some pretty tough stuff. His eyes once again drifted to Beth. Her eyes met his and she gave him the smallest of smiles, and he felt his own lips twitch, the desire to smile back won out and her smile got even wider. 

“Jesus is with us too, but like I said we're keeping it close for now,” Rick said. “When it comes down to it, when we are ready to do something, the Hilltop will be with us.” Daryl hoped the Hilltop would be with them. It was still too early to trust that group completely. They all wanted the same thing, but not everyone shared the same opinion on how to accomplish it. 

“Share it when we have too. We gotta talk about the run.” Restlessness was settling in, it always did before a run and Daryl just wanted to get out there and do what needed to be done. He felt Beth brush up against him where he leaned against the door frame. Her small hand slipped into his. This was something that had been happening with more frequency lately. Them touching. Mainly him touching. She had no problem reaching out or closing in and taking what she needed. He had been hesitant before. Not so much anymore.

* * *

With the details of the run taken care of there was nothing left to do, but wait for the cover of darkness to head out. Rick went looking for Rosita. Nothing about what they had planned would leave their group yet, but Rosita was part of the larger group and she was good on runs. Beth walked Maggie and Glenn out to the porch. Maggie turned and looked at her, her eyes shiny with tears.

“You’ll be careful, be safe..” Beth took her hand and nodded. She didn’t trust her voice right now. So much had happened in such a short time and she knew it wasn’t over. They didn’t get to sit back and breathe yet. She swallowed hard and reached out to hug her sister. 

“You rest.” she whispered into her sister’s hair. It was Maggie’s turn to nod. Maggie’s hair still smelled like home, the home before everything, before the dead started walking. She wondered if Maggie was thinking of her own mama right now. Being pregnant and unsure of what might happen and having to live in a world that was more of a fight than a life.

“Come back Beth.” Glenn smiled at her, a sad smile and he slipped his arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick hug. He reached for Maggie's hand and they headed down the walk. 

Daryl’s hands slipped around her waist from behind. They grounded her. She felt that sweet ache, the one that had come on so suddenly in the infirmary, earlier. Leaning back against him, she sighed and he tightened his arms around her.

“We need get stuff ready.” His breath tickled her ear. It was warm and soft and she shivered in his arms, her cheeks flushed with heat. He must’ve sensed her reaction and instead of being serious ‘were on a mission’ Daryl, he leaned in again and ran his tongue along the edge of her ear. She couldn’t help it, she squirmed against him and this elicited a soft moan from him. His hardness was proof of what her reaction was doing to him. She’d never felt him hard, their touches hadn’t been that intimate yet. She was in awe as she pressed back and he held on letting her make contact, but only a little. She wanted to feel him, needed to feel him. A small, frustrated whine came from her lips and he growled in her ear.

“Girl… what are you doing?” He was breathing heavy and he steered her by her elbow in the direction of the door. She stumbled and he fisted her shirt in his hand and held her upright. She struggled with the hold he had on her, highly aware of the fact that this too was turning her on. The way it was supposed too. This was how it should feel.

“Daryl, I….” They managed to make it inside the house before he backed her up against the wall and cupped her face in his hands. His calloused fingers brushed her cheeks softly. His eyes searched hers, and she knew what he was looking for, permission, a sign that this was ok. That he wasn’t hurting her or scaring her or overstepping any boundaries. He was taking care of her. Like he did. Always. That was a good thing, but it wasn’t what she needed. Right now she needed him to push her, to make her feel.

She sighed and grasped his shirt in her small hands and pulled him to her. She felt the tension in his body, she knew he was still holding back being so gentle for her. His lips captured hers in a soft kiss. It made her ache in a different way than her desire for him. She had asked him for this and he was giving it. She nipped at his bottom lip and her tongue found its way between his lips, licking and searching until he opened his mouth over hers. She slid her arms up around his neck and arched her hips into his pushing against the bulge in his jeans, making him moan softly. A sound from the kitchen had them both frozen in place.

“We need to go… upstairs..” Beth whispered, taking Daryl’s hand and pulling him up the stairs.

The bedroom was bright in the midday sun and Beth stopped short inside the door. Here they were. She was a tiny bit overwhelmed. After everything, after all of it she was standing here with him in this moment. The world was not a safe place and in a few hours they’d head out that door into the middle of it all, but until then there was this, between them and they didn’t need to feel guilty for taking whatever good they could and holding on to it. Daryl's hands came around her from behind and he just held her, waiting for her to take the lead. She turned in his arms and rested a hand on his cheek.

“I love you Dixon.. Thank you for this.” 

“Ain’t done nothing much, yet.” He raised his eyebrows slightly and she tipped her head back and laughed at his awkward attempts at flirting. This was good, laughing. She slid her hands under his leather vest and pushed it from his shoulders. Her fingers fluttered at the hem of his sleeveless shirt and he helped her by reaching down and pulling the shirt over his head. It dropped to the floor in a puddle next to the vest. When he reached for hers she raised her arms. He was gentle, so gentle as he slipped it over her head. She appreciated that right now, after everything. She ran a hand over his bicep as he released her hair and it spilled down over her shoulders in soft blonde waves.

“You’re beautiful Beth..” his voice was husky and he watched her through half lidded eyes. Without taking her eyes off him she unclasped her well worn bra and let it fall. She could be brave and do this. For him. And for herself. He sucked in a breath at the sight of her bare breasts and when her arms instinctively went to cover them he took her hands in his, stilling their movement. She was small, she knew that and it had always been a sore spot for her. No one had ever looked at her like this, like he was right now and it gave her the confidence to keep her arms down, let him look. He loved her, everything he did was screaming it out to her. He moved them to the edge of the bed and he sat down maneuvering her to stand between his legs. A feather light touch up the sides of her rib cage gave her goosebumps and she shivered when he brought his hands around to cup her breasts. He brushed the rough pads of his thumbs over her nipples and they pebbled at his touch. He looked at them, like they were everything he ever wanted. She tangled her hand in his hair as he leaned forward, claiming one with his mouth. Beth moaned arching her back as she held his head against her breast.

“Oh god.. Daryl..” Her knees buckled and he eased her down onto his lap. She straddled one of his legs and sought relief for her aching pussy, writhing against his knee. She could feel the slickness, her panties were soaked already. She didn’t much care because the way he was looking at her was making her even wetter. He rested his hands on her hips, his eyes dark with desire. Their teeth clicked against each other as he kissed her again, stealing her breath and making it his own.

“Get these off..” he fumbled with the buttons and Beth reached down and took over, pushing his hands to his belt.

“You too..” she breathed. Her eyes never left him as he unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down over his hips. The striped boxers he wore underneath did little to conceal how turned on he was, how much he wanted her and Beth felt an ache in her pussy looking at him. She wanted this, wanted him. He got rid of the boxers and his cock jutted out in front of him. She licked her lips, head tilted up looking at him from where she knelt on the bed.

“Fuck, Beth.. I want you… You’re… so beautiful… ” he knelt in front of her and lay his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back. She was so small, his body engulfed hers. She felt everything, his heart beating, the way his breathing was fast like panting, his cock between her legs, hot and pulsing against her pussy. She spread her legs enough to let him in, thrusting up against him. Groaning, he whispered hotly in her ear.

“Gonna be over before it even starts girl.” He pushed a hand down between them and cupped her sex, one finger slipping easily into her folds. He brushed her clit and she keened, bucking up against him.

“Daryl!” She shuddered and reached for his hand to force it against her, grind against until she got what she needed, but he was gone sliding down her body, sucking in a nipple and easing her legs apart gently.

“I wanna taste you.. Yer so wet..” Everything he’s saying, words he’s never spoken before and Daryl is a man of few words, but he seems to like talking to her this way, his voice husky and rough and fueled by desire. She likes it. A lot. This is what it’s like to be wanted and to want back. She’s never had this. Thought she never would. It’s here though, it’s here with him and she loves him perfectly in that moment.

* * *

Daryl can smell her, could before she even got her jeans off. It’s sex and there’s a familiarity in that although it’s old and lost in memories. But Beth is different. It’s sex yes, and it’s musky and heavy, but he did it, he made her like this and that changes everything. He brushed his scruffy cheek against the soft skin of her inner thigh and relishes in her violent shivers and the little whine he hears coming from her because she knows where he’s going with this, what he’s gonna do. He pushed his hips into the mattress easing the ache in his cock and balls, refusing to imagine exactly how good its going to feel when he’s buried deep in Beth’s pussy. Trailing little kisses from her knee to where her leg meets her torso he bites gently in this sensitive spot and she bucks her hips and a nervous giggle bubbles out.

“God Daryl.. stop teasing.. just, please..” she’s all breathy sighs and her begging turns him on even more.

“Tell me what to do Beth.. Tell me what you want..” He can barely believe the words that are coming out of his mouth. Things he only says to her in his head, never to her face, but she's moaning and trying to touch herself so he knows with complete certainty that she likes it, she likes him talking to her like this.

“Oh.. I want.. I want your tongue on me.” Shy, she whispered the words and Daryl smiled against her thigh cause it's cute how she has a hard time saying it.

“Where Beth? Come on girl tell me..” he keeps his voice even and his mouth close to her sex so she can feel the heat from his breath.

“My pussy Daryl, I want your tongue in my pussy. Lick my clit… oh god please…” He’s driving her crazy and he thinks he might come just listening to her. He doesn’t want to come yet, not until he feels her tight around him and he makes her come again cause right now he’s gonna do what she asked and lick her clit, make her come with his mouth on her. She’s warm and so wet and he drags his tongue from her opening to the hard nub nestled between her lips. He gets his mouth over it and sucks gently flicking his tongue back and forth. She’s slippery and he almost loses contact as she grinds against his face. He grips her hips in his hands and holds her down against the mattress. Nosing his way back into her he circles her clit with his tongue and she loses it completely, he feels the muscles of her cunt contract and try and draw him in, his tongue or lips, anything that’s touching her sensitive pussy. And she's crying out and has her hands in his hair and her orgasm is beautiful and it’s his too. He did this and he’ll kill anyone who ever tries to take this and make it hurt her. She’s his. He’s hers.

“Beth.. “ he rests his head on her thigh, but only for a minute and then he’s climbing back up her body, over her and one small hand slips behind his neck pulling him down to her where she can kiss him and lap at his beard and cheeks, tasting herself on him. He feels her other hand flutter against his stomach and then grip him, cock hard in her fist she arches up and rubs her open lips against his swollen cock head.

“I don’t.. we don’t..” he remembers he didn’t bring any protection. He has some back at Aaron’s, in a bag in his closet because he wanted to believe that someday this would be a reality. Lot of good those condoms are doing him now.

“On the floor next to the bed. I, I wanted this so bad Daryl… I wanted to be ready.” He reaches and stretches and laughs at her serious tone, but he’s thankful for it, cause he doesn't think it would be possible to stop, not now when they are pressed so close together they might as well be one and he can feel how hot and wet she is sliding on his thigh and brushing the head of his cock. He leaned back on his knees and slipped the condom on. He’ll do it this time. Better this way because of what she said the other night, his mind can’t go there. This is them and it’s right and so good and he loves her so much, he wants her to know that this never happened for him before. This wanting. He never cared about getting laid. Just did it cause he thought he was supposed to and because Merle was a relentless bastard. But with Beth, he wants it, wants her. He wants to come and feel that clench and release that used to make him feel ashamed, he knows it won’t. Not anymore, not with her. He wants her to come again, underneath him, he wants to be the reason this feels good for her.

“Come on Daryl.. Fuck me.” Her hot breath in his ear and small sharp teeth nipping. 

“Damn Beth.. you can’t.. goddamn…” He takes his cock in his hand, pushed between her legs, and rubs her once, up and down and then sinks into her moaning and feeling like he’s flying and falling until they find a rhythm and her hands on his biceps and her eyes are big and blue cause she’s looking at him, right at him.

“I love you Daryl..”

He can’t help the tears that blur his vision for a second as he thrusts a couple more times before pressing his mouth to hers and breathing into her and coming into her, waves of pleasure wracking his body. Her thighs are around his waist and her can feel her pussy tighten around him as she comes too. It’s an amazing feeling being held that way. She’s holding him inside of her.

“Oh girl, my beautiful girl, I love you too.” And he does. He does. She was gone, he lost her, but for some reason this fucking universe gave her back. He got a second chance. He’s never been given anything like that. He’s a lot of things, but he’s not stupid. This is a gift. She’s everything now. If he’s gonna be the last man standing, like she said, he’s gonna make sure she’s the last woman standing right beside him.

* * *

Daryl forgets that it’s not morning, that they came up here earlier that day so he’s thrown off by the darkness when Rick’s voice at the door wakes him up. He mumbles a reply letting Rick know he heard and then he sinks back down on the bed and wraps his arms around Beth. She stretches and rubs against him.

“We gotta go Beth.” This is whispered and she stiffened against him remembering the last time he said this to her and everything that followed. His lips in her hair, on her ear. “Not going down that way this time girl.. I ain’t gonna lose you.” Husky with emotion, his voice shook and she pushed herself against him as close as she could get.

“I’m not gonna leave you. Staying where I belong, no matter what.” There are tears on her cheeks and she drug her hands over her face. He can see her anger and fear, knows this run scares her. It scares him too, but they’ll do what they have to do. They’ll get it done quick, the four of them, and come back. But if something goes wrong… He’s not gonna think that way right now. Her hand on his chest brings him back and they get up and get dressed, checking each other's weapons.

“We good?” Daryl asked. She nodded and slipped her arms into her backpack. She held his out to him. He pushed her hand aside and wraps his arms around her because he can sense it, the change in her and he knows it was what he said, how he said it. Words that took them both back. A funeral home and oh.

“Don’t go back there Beth.” They can’t do this now. They need to be all here. If she's lost in the past she isn't going to be thinking straight.

“I wanted to walk out those gates tonight knowing that he didn’t take that. And I am. He didn’t take away what we started. We got to make it real Daryl.” He knows what she's getting at even if she’s having a hard time conveying it. Her hair is soft against his lips.

“If we don’t come back.. Or I don’t..” This is like a fist to his chest and he pulled back his hands still on her shoulders.

“We ain’t doing this, told ya it ain’t going down like that. I can’t lose you again. Stop.” He turned away and picked up his pack forcing his arms into it and he can feel her behind him, waiting.

They beat the odds, her in this world, him in the other world. Surely that means something. How many fucking times are they gonna have to prove themselves? When is the debt paid in full? _‘Never little brother.’_ Fuck you Merle. Fuck you. He turned and looked at her standing there, still waiting cause she knows he’s not done.

“We’re survivors girl… And when we get out there you better damn well act like one. You hear me?” And he’s walking towards her, trying to be the tough, angry, Daryl but it's hard to be tough when the other person can read you like a book and he’s sure she sees the tears, cause he can feel them. She meets him halfway, hurling herself into his chest. 

“Ok.. ok Daryl. This isn’t that story, in this one we come back together.” She’s using that voice, the one she used at the cabin when he was on the edge, when he was lost and broken and she pulled him back. But he hears the conviction in that voice and he feels it in her arms around him. As long as she’s there beside him, fighting if they have to, he knows they will be ok.

* * *

Going out at night puts Beth on edge. It brings back too many memories and she knows it won’t go any good to think about that night. Rick is talking and Beth tried to listen, tried to focus on what he was saying, but Daryl had her hand and is holding on tightly. Too tightly. And everything about this run feels off in a way she can’t even make sense of. They’ll go and find what they can, hopefully enough to take care of their own people and appease Negan. And then what? This isn’t them, they aren’t weak, they don’t back down. Beth knows first hand what Negan and the Saviors are like, and maybe they’ve finally met their match, but there has to be a way out of this, a way to end it and end Negan’s reign.

The car jerks to a stop and Daryl squeezes her hand. She squeezes back.

“Hey, where ya at?” It’s dark and everything is shadows, she can’t see Daryl’s expression, but she knows his face. He’s making sure she’s okay.

“I don’t know.” Before she even has time to explain they are out of the car weapons ready and moving in slowly. She doesn’t need to explain it though. Daryl already knows. 

“Split up. You two take the left, meet around back.” Rick and Rosita dissolve into the darkness. 

“You lead.” Daryl’s hand on her back guiding her forward and she knows what he’s doing. Making her focus, pay attention and putting her in front of him. Smart man. She can do this though. She’s changed, grown, and has become more of this world than the last. Him beside her, it’s so easy to fall into what they were out there before, just the two of them. Stepping lightly, barely making a sound, even in the dark when they can’t see hardly a thing. It’s instinct. The shadow of a building looms in front of them and Beth leads them to a door and they fall into sync.

It’s a storage room that hasn’t been depleted of all that’s there and they take what they can back to the car. It’s gonna take more than one trip, but they do it together side by side. An unspoken agreement. Rick and Rosita are doing the same thing. Back in the car less than 30 minutes later they’ve found some, but not much.

“Been here before, with Aaron. There was more than I thought.” Daryl leaned over the front seat as Rick back the car out to the road.

“It’s a start,” Rick said.

“There were no walkers. Not even one. That seemed wrong,” Rosita said settling back in the seat.

It might be wrong, but they’re still close enough to ASZ that the walker population is being managed and eventually it will have to start to decline. Not only because of organic reasons, but the fact that the living have learned how to deal with their dead. Whatever the case may be, the world is moving on and it’s pretty evident that dealing with the hordes of walkers is much easier than dealing with evil men and their quest to take over and best each other.

* * *

They make two more stops along the route the Rick mapped and out and Daryl is relieved when daylight comes even though they haven’t come across enough supplies to really make a dent in what they actually need. Somehow daylight is safe in Daryl's mind.

Sitting back to back on the roof car, Daryl and Rick took first watch and let the girls sleep. Daryl’d rather be down there with Beth. She’s probably warm, wrapped up in his flannel. He’s been thinking through everything that happened yesterday and how it was so damn good. He didn’t realize that it could be like that, more than just sex. Never been a big deal before. But now, now it is.

“Beth good?” Rick’s voice pulled him out of his reverie. And what he said throws Daryl off for a minute.

“Oh.. yeah. Yeah she’s okay.” He’s glad Rick can’t see his face because he can feel the heat on his cheeks and he’s sure he’s blushing. And there’s no way he can explain it.

“We’re gonna make him pay for what he did to her. Make him pay for everything, but for her, he’s gonna suffer.” The words are quiet, but Daryl knows that tone. He knows Rick. His hands still where they were whittling at a stick and he takes a deep breath and leans back slightly into Rick. That gesture says more than Daryl can say in words.

A loud crackle from the two way radio at Rick’s hip breaks the silence. Daryl forgot he had it. Brought along just in case. They must be barely within range because the static makes it almost impossible to hear anything coherent. It’s a voice but they’re almost whispering, 

_‘Dad? Can you hear me..’_ More static. Rick left the other radio with Spencer and told him to have whoever is on look out keep it with them. Carl isn’t scheduled as a look out. Daryl knows this.

“Carl?” Rick’s trying but the connection isn’t good. Daryl slides off the car and the backdoor is already open. Beth is crawling out trying to pull her hair back in a ponytail. Rosita followed behind and the three of them stood looking up at Rick.

_‘Dad if you can hear me you need to come back. He’s here.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I did it.. a cliffhanger.


	16. Running Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was over 7,000 words! I had to cut it in half and I am not feeling where I chose to end it! I hope it doesn't completely confuse you guys! The next chapter will be up by tomorrow and the entire fic will be done and posted before the season 7 premier. It ended up being longer than I had anticipated! Thank you all for the kudos and reviews! It means so much knowing people are enjoying this!

Rick is stunned into silence for a few seconds. Bringing the radio up to his mouth Daryl watches as his brother fights to stay calm.

“Carl? Carl are you okay? Is everyone okay?” The static seems to scream through the trees all around them.

“Yeah. He’s not doing nothing, just talking. Are you close?” Carl’s voice is shaky, but steady and Daryl feels an immense amount of pride for this kid who has had to go through hell. To know what life was like before and to have to continue to go on in the world as it is now.

“How many guys are with him?” Rick looks pointedly at Daryl and then his eyes fall on Beth. “He got Saviors there?”

“Yeah. There’s a lot. Some outside the walls. Be careful.” Judith is in the background fussing a little and Daryl hears Beth’s gasp and she’s holding her hand to her mouth, tears in her eyes. Daryl reaches out and pulls her to him.

“We’re coming son. Hold on. Beth, we keep quiet about her, remember.” Rick rubs a hand over his beard and he closes his eyes. 

“Yeah. We got this. I’m gonna go. See you.” The radio clicks and the connection is lost. Rick snaps it back on his belt. The look on his face shakes Daryl a little. His memory from the night in the woods is foggy, but he remembers Rick and how it took everything in him to reach out and hold on because he’d never seen Rick scared, never seen Michonne scared, and they were scared that night. Still are, but now they have a plan. They have a plan and they can make it work.

“You two aren’t coming back with us.” Rick says it quietly, but firmly. Daryl knows Rick means it. His eyes are on Beth. Beth who is shaking her head next to him, tears on her cheeks, her hands wrapped around herself.

“No, no.. I can’t. You need Daryl, us.. I can’t let you make that call Rick.” 

“I don’t think I am making it on my own.” Rick looks at Daryl. “You gonna let her walk back in there? Get anywhere near those guys?” Daryl doesn’t meet Beth’s eyes as he shakes his head. He feels her hand on his arm.

“Daryl..” 

“Quickest way to start a war.” This from Rosita.

“You can’t hide me forever!” Daryl can hear the frustration in her voice. She won’t be treated like a child, like she was before on the farm and even for awhile at the prison. But Rick’s right. Rosita is right.

“What the fuck you thinks gonna happen.. you walk in there girl? Right into the middle of all that?” He finally looks at her and he can see in her eyes that she knows it won’t be good, for any of them. “I told you, I ain’t fucking losing you again..” Daryl ducks his head and swallows hard. He’s gonna lose it and he needs to keep it together right now. He made himself a promise that he would give it all up to save her. He doesn’t see this as giving up. This is doing what’s best for everyone. Right now. But it’s also Beth. And he’ll do absolutely anything to ensure she stays safe.

Rosita’s rummaging in the truck pulling out blankets, some food, extra ammo and two water bottles. Beth takes a deep breath, straightens and grabs their packs from the car. She glances at Daryl as she helps Rosita put as much stuff in them as they can fit. The sun is shining and birds are chirping, but they’re out here in the woods getting ready to walk into who knew what again.

“I got a place. We can hole up there for awhile. We’ll give it the day and circle back tonight.” Daryl watches Beth as she fills their packs. He glances over at Rick looking for confirmation because Rick is making the final call.

“No you give it four days Daryl. Four. Until they’re good and gone. If there’s trouble I’ll send someone. We’ll find you.” He grabs Daryl's arm and Daryl knows that Rick is pretty good at reading him too, “I don’t know.. This guy doesn’t work like the others. I can’t predict anything.. But this, we can do this. We can keep her safe. You can.” Rick hugs him fast and hard and heads to the car. Beth is there, next to the door and she slides her arms around his neck and feels her feet leave the ground with the force of his hug.

“Stay together. You stay together. And I’ll see you in four days. I’ll see you both.” It’s a command and Ricks seals it with a soft kiss on her forehead. Daryl's two steps behind her, their packs in his hands. Beth backs up slowly and doesn’t stop until she bumps into him and he drops the packs and pulls her against his chest. They watch the car until it disappears into the dust it stirs up. 

“We gotta go now don’t we Daryl,” she whispers. He closes his eyes and nods his head, feels her lean down and grab their packs. He shoulders his crossbow and reaches for her hand. This time he’s gonna hold on to and not let go.

* * *

There’s small hunting cabin a few miles outside of Alexandria. He found it on one of his scouting trips with Aaron. They never went back to it because it was near the quarry where the horde that had taken down the walls had come from. No one had gone back that way. It isn’t in the general direction of anywhere which is what makes it a good place to stay. At least for now. They don’t talk, they don’t have to. It’s just so easy to fall back into who they are together. But she’s never behind him and if it’s possible he maintains physical contact as much as he can. Which might be a bit over the top, but he doesn’t care. And it seems Beth doesn’t either because she’s holding on just as tight.

Going by the sun it’s late afternoon when they finally have to stop. It’s Beth who made the call. There are long shadows cast by the trees and a slight breeze stirred the leaves.

“We gotta take a break, for a couple of minutes Daryl.” They haven’t been running, just moving at a good pace for at least four hours. She needs water and food, they both do. Daryl nods and he follows her into a grouping of three trees. He watches her lean back against the tree, stretching her legs out into the dirt and he sees how her face is red and blotchy, dried tear streaks on her cheeks. His heart sinks. He can handle a lot but Beth’s tears have a way of taking all the fight out of him. 

“Hey.” He sinks beside her wrapping an arm around her shoulders easing her against his chest. Her head drops to her chest and she covers her eyes. Her shoulders are shaking and Daryl leans into her rubbing her arm, kissing her temple, trying his best to calm her because he can’t take this. It’s like a knife to his heart. And that damn ponytail, even now the sun finds it and it’s the brightest thing in these woods.

“Beth… We’re gonna be ok. We can do this.” He whispers what he thinks she needs to hear.

“No. We can’t. Daryl you need to leave me and go back and help. I can stay at the cabin, wait for you to come back. I can take care of myself.” Daryl feels his whole body tense in response to this. And he feels the panic start to flutter in his heart. The same panic he feels whenever he wakes up from a nightmare about the funeral home or that hallway at Grady.

“No.” He pushes away from the tree and stands up. Doesn’t look at her, just walks away, a few steps and tries to breath through the anger he’s feeling. How could she even think that after everything…

“They need you Daryl, this is ridiculous..” He feels Beth behind him and he turns on her and she takes a small step back, eyes widening just a touch.

“Ridiculous? That what you think it is?” He’s yelling now and he pushes into her space and she backs up reluctantly until she’s up against one of the trees. “You know what I went through? What it’s been like? I.. I lost you. Sent ya outta that funeral home alone and they…” His voice cracks and bites down hard on his lip, “they took you. And everything.. if I’d just kept you by my side or ran with you..” His eyes meet hers finally and he knows how he looks to her, he’s been here before. And just like that day she isn’t backing down. Well neither is he. “The whole fucking world can burn before I leave you again. Get yer shit and let’s go.” He steps aside and waits until she picks up her pack and makes her way through the trees in front of him.

* * *

Beth watches her feet as she moves, ahead of him, where he can see her because apparently this is it. He will sacrifice everyone else for her. And she wants to believe that it’s bullshit and selfish and he can’t be serious.. But she gets it. Kinda.

Her heart is aching in her chest and her face is hot with tears that are gonna spill again, but this time they aren’t tears of frustration. She isn’t angry with the situation. She’s completely overwhelmed with what he’s just implied. It’s her. And only her. If he knows she’s safe he’ll do what he has to for the rest of them. Safe means she’s beside him. Safe means he can reach out and grab her. Safe means they’re together. She wipes the sleeve of her flannel across her blurry eyes and adjusts her pack. Something bumps her arm and she looks down and sees his water bottle. He’s holding it out for her. She takes it and drinks while she walks and the relief the cool water brings to her aching throat makes her sigh. She hands the bottle back and he trades it for an oat cake. Beth holds the little tan cake in her hands. Denise made these. She made a whole bunch and they froze them because they were simple snacks to take on runs and oats give you energy. Daryl said she gave them to him all the time even though he didn’t really care for them. He took them cause she was being nice and sometimes he even ate them. But he’s giving it to Beth now. She’s knows it’s a peace offering. She glances and him and gives him a small smile and when she finishes eating she reaches out and finds his hand and laces their fingers together. 

Daryl is stubborn and shoulders way too much guilt for things he can’t control. But she can’t fault him on this. He loves her. He’s gonna put her first. That’s how it is now. And if she’s being completely honest with herself she’ll do the same.

* * *

They reach the cabin just as the sun is beginning to set. The shadows in the trees are long and dark. They come up on it silently. The windows are covered in a film of dust, but they are unbroken. They reach the door and Beth taps it with her knife. All was quiet when Beth reaches for the door handle and pushes it open. Crossbow out, Daryl is on the small porch in front of the door, ready. There’s nothing waiting inside though and they go in, closing the coming night out.

Beth pulls out her flashlight, but they don’t need it. Daryl knows where a candle is and he lights it. The cabin is small, one room that serves as a kitchen, bedroom and living space. There is a door that’s closed leading to somewhere and when Beth looks at it Daryl chuckles.

“Don’ go in there. Bathroom. But it hasn’t worked in forever and it’s pretty bad.”

“So we go outside?” she asked.

“Mmm hmm… just like ole’ times. No running water, no heat. But it’s four walls and a roof and the bed ain’t bad.” She watched as he sat his pack and the crossbow on a small counter in the area that serves as a kitchen. Pulling open a cupboard he rummaged around and found some cans of food. The kitchen like the windows is covered with a layer of dust.

“Did you come here a lot?” She put her own things on the floor by the bed and sits. It’s covered with a heavy quilt that is a bit dusty, but looks like it could keep a person warm. There’s a small table and a chair in front of a window by the door.

“Yeah. When we first got ta Alexandria I had a hard time with the walls. Had a hard time with lota stuff there.” He leans against the counter and looks at her. She sighs and pats the bed. Daryl shuffles over and eases down next her. He rests his elbows on his knees and leans over. She knows this.. he’s closing himself off.

“Daryl, what you said back there, I don’t even know what to say..” 

“Don’ need ta say nothin’. Just how it is.” He’s staring off into the distance, not looking at her and she reaches out and runs her fingers through his hair.

“I love you Daryl. I love you so much..” It’s barely a whisper, but that’s all it takes. His arms are around her, hands in her hair and the space between them doesn’t exist anymore. He kisses her temple and rains kisses down her cheek until his lips find hers and he kisses her harder than she expects, his fingers twisting in her hair, her scalp stinging. He’s already said what he needed to say and Beth knows that this, the urgency in this moment are all the words he has. She rests her hand on his chest, lets it slide up gently around his neck and her fingers rub small circles around the knob of his spine and he relaxes against her.

“Love you too girl.”

* * *

Daryl wakes up in the darkness with Beth curled up against him. All he hears is silence. Which is a big change. Not that Alexandria is a loud place, but there are little things there. People for one. The hum of the appliances they continually run. Doors closing, cars, the gate. Life. Even at night there are sounds. Now it’s quiet. Just Beth breathing. He’s imagined this more than once. Them leaving the walls and going out on their own. They did it before and it wasn’t all that bad. Seems easier in a way. But that’s just something he thinks about sometimes.

He’d do it if he had to. Like now, to protect her. He also thinks about the day they finally find a place that they can stay in for good. He won’t give up on that completely. Not yet. It’s something he keeps close to his heart and he doesn’t dwell on it because times are tough and it just hurts too much to think about impossible things. 

Even though it’s still dark he’d normally get up when he wakes up, but there is really nothing to get up to and staying right here with Beth for a little while longer is easy. She’s warm and he turns over and buries his nose in her neck and drifts off to sleep.

* * *

Beth woke up disoriented and cold. It’s early, the sun hasn’t even risen yet. The sky was just beginning to lighten. Daryl’s thrashing on the bed beside her, quilt tangled up in his arms and legs. No wonder she’s cold. She shifts on the bed and lays a hand on his chest. His heart is pounding like he’s been running.

“Daryl?” He’s sweaty and mumbling things she can’t understand, flings an arm out and knocks over his crossbow.

“Get yer gun Rick! Give her back! You son of a bitch!” Now he’s yelling and Beth is concerned about walkers hearing him. Reaching out she grabs his shoulder and shakes him. In his sleep he must being seeing horrible things because he shoves her away from him with so much force she hits her head on the wall.

“Ow! Dammit Daryl..”

“She’s just a baby.. I’ll kill you now mother fucker.” He’s gonna fall of the bed if she doesn’t wake him up and her heart is pounding now. He’s having a nightmare about Judith and it’s terrifying to watch. His face is contorted and tears are streaming down his cheeks. When he finally seems to hear her voice from wherever he is lost in that nightmare, he wraps his arms around her and his body shaking violently.

“It’s just a nightmare Daryl, not real, not real.” She talks to him softly and brushes the hair from his face and she slowly feels the tension leave his body.

“It was so… He had her, Negan, holding Judith, takin’ her and she was cryin’ and lookin’ at me. Jesus... “ He buries his face against Beth and took a deep breath. She leans into him, presses kisses to the side of his head, reaches down to rub his back. Soothing him like a mother would a frightened child. That’s what he reminds her of right then. Sometimes when Daryl was at his most vulnerable she imagines the little boy he was, dealing with the life he didn’t deserve to have. She struggles with the musty quilt trying her best to pull it up over them.

“It’s over.. shhhh.” He’s so big and strong and laying here trying to fit into her arms, that’s even more apparent. He shudders and pulls back a little looking at her with red, swollen eyes. The shadows in the room have gathered on his face.

“I pulled all the blankets off ya. M’ sorry.” He twists and turns, untangling the quilt and pulls it up around her.

“It’s okay. I’m gonna get up anyway. Find something for us to eat.” She crawls across him and re-adjusts the quilt to cover him. She leans over and kisses him softly and he cups her head in his hand and holds her to his lips. She feels a tightening in her stomach and that sweet ache that only Daryl gives her, but she pushes away gently. She wants him, always does, but now isn’t the time. They need a plan. Daryl would go stir crazy just sitting around waiting to go back, and frankly so would she. She was trying her best not to imagine all the scenarios of what could be happening back home, but sometimes they just pop into her head. Obviously Daryl was having that same problem. She fishes around in their bags and finds the oat cakes and some bottled water. There’s also dried fruit that isn’t actually to bad. She spreads it out on the counter, already paying close attention to what they had and how long they might be out here. Some habits die hard.

They slept in their clothes and didn’t unpack. Just took out what they needed. She watches as Daryl sits up on the edge of the bed, hair tousled and sticking out in all directions and she just wants to tackle him and pull the quilt up over them and stay there in each other's arms until they can go home. Because even though they’ve done this before, the two of them on the road, it feels ominous. Maybe it’s just memories of before or maybe it’s something else. Beth isn’t quite sure, but she doesn’t like it. He joins her at the counter and looks at the food spread out in front of her.

“This it?” he asks fingering an oat cake.

Beth raises her eyebrows at that. She puts the rest of the food back in their packs and unwraps an oat cake.

“They aren’t bad. Kinda like homemade granola bars.” Beth bites into the cake and Daryl watches her face. The scars are the only thing keeping him from falling in memories of their past.

“I ain’t a horse, never liked oats much.” He turns his cake over in his hands. Beth sees the look in his eyes though. He isn’t being serious or ungrateful. And he eats the whole thing.

* * *

They go out and explore the woods surrounding the cabin. Their plan is to secure the area a little better than they had the night before. There didn’t seem to be many walkers, but that could change pretty quick. Packs on their backs, they hadn’t left anything behind because they’d also learned that being out here meant running at any time. Daryl scans the forest his eyes going back to Beth every few minutes. She’s more than capable, she’d proven that. But he feels unsettled and it eases his mind to have her in his line of vision. She glances over at him and gives him a small smile and it erases the tension from his shoulders, tension he wasn’t even aware he was carrying. There’s a break in the trees up ahead and he remembers the small stream that’s there. He dips his head in that direction and she reads his signal and steps ahead of him. She stops suddenly though and he bumps into her.

“Daryl?” She whispers his name, but her eyes are locked on the scene in front of her. Someone had been here. More than one someone. Ashes from a recent fire. Maybe as recent as last night when they’d been sleeping in the cabin, oblivious. Gutted next to the fire pit are a couple of small animal carcasses burnt beyond recognition, Daryl thinks they’re rabbits. What made Beth stop in her tracks though, are an arm and leg, obviously from a walker, due to the decay, propped up against a log. 

“What the hell?” His senses are on high alert and he searches the trees around them, looking for movement. Beth has left his side and she's kneeling near the fire pit. Daryl moves slowly over to her until he can feel the heat radiating off her body. He’s about to reprimand her for leaving him when he sees what she’s doing. Using a small stick she’s shifting through the ashes trying to determine how recent the fire was used, just like he taught her.

“How long ago?” he asks quietly. He glances at her, but keeps his attention on the surrounding area too.

“Not to long. 4 maybe 5 hours.” She stands up and moves into his personal space, lacing her fingers with his. “Someone was here Daryl. Right here, close to us.”

* * *

The decision to leave isn’t one they discuss, they just go. Side by side. He’s leading and he must have an idea of what he’s doing because his face is set, the expression he wears she’s seen before and so she follows his lead. He’s careful not to travel in a straight line and she recognizes this for what it is. Throws off anyone that might be following, if they don’t know what their doing. Daryl does. He’s a hunter and tracker and if she wasn’t so scared she’d be mesmerized by the way he moves through the woods like a ghost, reading the signs and covering his tracks. She’s doing her part too. He taught her how to walk lightly and do so in a way that doesn't leave a trail and somehow she remembers this as if it’s second nature. Which it kind of has become. It could mean a matter of life and death. His hand tightens on her wrist suddenly and he yanks hard, pulling her back in a small clump of bushes. He kneels down and she follows. She looks at his face and he raises a finger to his lips. Then she hears it. A motor. It sounds like it’s coming in their direction, but there isn’t a road near them, Beth never saw one.

She sucks in a breath and moves closer to him pushing herself up against him as an old Ford truck veers off away from them. It bounces over rocks and logs on the ground and disappears into the trees. A few minutes later they hear it speed up and Beth realizes there is a road, not far. How many other cars are gonna drive down it? Daryl's eyes are on hers now and he stands and pulls her up with him.

“Daryl?”


	17. A Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of fluff and smut before the tough stuff!! Thanks for reading!!

Daryl takes off into the thickest part of the woods sticking to the shadows and dragging her along beside him. They continue like that for hours, it’s so long that Beth is sure she’s gonna trip and fall and someone is gonna catch up to them. Tears blur her vision and she’s afraid to reach up to wipe them away. Is this always how it’s going to be from now on? She use to be deathly afraid of walkers, but now it’s people who are her worst fear. Strangers who have no regard for anything anymore.

There's outcropping of rocks, she sees them as the trees open up into a small clearing and she breathes out a sigh of relief. Daryl slips through an opening in the two largest rocks and stops. They both look around, making sure it's clear and safe. It’s like a small cave except they can still see the treetops and a bit of the blue sky. The ground is relatively dry and smooth which is good for sitting and that’s all she wants, to sit and just breathe.

“Can we rest?” She asks him in a weary voice and he comes to her and wraps his arms around her. They’re surrounded by rock and the temperature has dropped. She shivers and he holds her close and rubs her arms. “I can handle walkers, people though... “ Her voice is small and sounds weak in her ears.

“They didn’t see us. Was only two of ‘em. Prolly hunting, or tryin’ ta hunt. Gone now. We can rest. Stay here tonight.” She can feel his heart pounding in his chest. He’s being strong for her, but she knows he’s on edge. He can’t hide it from her. 

“Ok.” She eases herself from his arms and reaches for their packs. Rosita gave them blankets, and she pulls them out. She hopes they can both get a little sleep tonight. She finds jerky and more of the dried fruit and shares it with Daryl and he gives her a small smile, brushes her cheek with his thumb. It’s the two of them, out on here on their own again and somehow it’s okay. She didn’t realize it the first time this happened, but she’s certain now, she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but beside him.

* * *

The rock is jabbing Daryl in his lower back and it’s cold. He took first watch and Beth fell asleep with her head in his lap. He didn’t think he’d be tired, but the nightmares he had last night must’ve messed him up because he keeps dozing off. It feels safe in here. They're hidden pretty good. It’s been quiet, only animal sounds and the wind rustling the leaves in the trees. He leans his head back and tries to pick out constellations from what he can see of the sky between the rocks. He isn’t having any luck though and Beth stirs in his lap. She sits up quickly, disoriented at first.

“Daryl?” Her voice carries a touch of fear and he slides a hand across her thigh. It’s been awhile since they slept outside. 

“Here. ‘S okay.” She scoots over next to him and he wraps an arm around her. “Can’t see the stars in here,” he mumbles. He feels her eyes on him.

“You remember?” She sounds a little surprised, but pleased and he grunts at her which makes her giggle softly and the sound makes his heart beat a little faster. “I thought I was just annoying you, trying to point out all those stars that I knew.”

“Wasn’ annoyin’. Bu’ I already knew ‘em all. Jus’ didn’ wanna ruin yer fun.” Everything she pointed out to him, he had already seen from so many nights spent in the woods. One of his science books in school had a whole section on stars and his teacher at the time had been a nut for constellations and she did a whole unit on them.

Between the time they’d left the moonshine cabin and found the funeral home Beth had thought she was teaching him all she knew about the night sky. And he let her. Because it was something good to focus on, besides her smile. And she seemed so damned proud of what she knew.

“Was cute. An ya leaned in real close to me sometimes, ta make sure I was lookin’ at the right thing.” He felt himself blush. He’d blushed then too and thank god it was dark and Beth hadn’t noticed. That felt like a lifetime ago. So much had happened since then. But now Beth is back, with him, really with him. 

“Lay down Daryl.. It’s my turn to watch. Lay down and try and sleep some. I got this.” She whispers the words softly and he suddenly feels like he can’t keep his eyes open. Memories of the past fill his head and she’s real and warm beside him and they’re out here together under that same star strewn sky. He lets her ease him into her lap, feels her fingers in his hair, softly stroking his forehead and he relaxes. The last thing he remembers is Beth humming softly, a familiar tune, plunked out on a piano while he stretched out in a coffin.

_Comfiest bed I’ve had in years._

* * *

Daryl’s been mumbling in his sleep for awhile now, but it never escalates into anything more. Beth keeps her hand on his back, rubbing circles between his shoulder blades. This seems to calm him and cease his mumbling. She wonders what he’s dreaming about. Hearing Judith on the radio had probably been the catalyst for the nightmare he’d had last night. It broke Beth’s heart. She was trying not to think to hard about what could be going on back home. Two more nights and they’d head back towards Alexandria.

She shivers. It’s cold and leaning up against the rocks isn’t helping. She shifts and stretches out a leg. Daryl rolls over and presses his face into her stomach. His breath is warm and it warms her some. She hears and feels the sudden change in his breathing and his whole body tenses up. The muscles in his jaw are working as he grits his teeth. Rubbing his back no longer seems to be helping, in fact it seems to agitate him more. He’s mumbling again and getting louder. She can’t let him keep this up, not out here. They don’t have the protection of walls. Shaking him, she says his name softly as he kicks out against the rock. Before she knows what’s happening he’s up on his knees, his arms wrapped protectively around her.

“Ya ain’t gettin’ near her. Take that bat to my head! I ain’t lettin’ ya hurt her like ya did my ma!” All this is a growl through gritted teeth and his body vibrates around her with pent up anger. Beth tilts her head up and whispers against his jaw, pulling at his vest.

“Daryl.. Wake up, it’s a dream! Please wake up before the walkers hear you!” She doesn’t know if he hears her or if the threat of walkers finally makes it through that sleepy haze  
dreams and nightmares create. Whatever it is he sags back against the rock pulling her with him.

“What the fucks wrong with me?” He’s sweating and she knows he must be feeling the way his body tensed up, like it had been pumped full of adrenaline. “I didn’ hurt ya did I?” His hands outline her face.

“No, no.. You were protecting me. Daryl who was there?” Daryl goes completely still and doesn’t say anything for a minute. She shifts in his arms and rests a hand on his chest. “Wasn’t Negan was it?”

“Started out as him. Same damn thin’ every time. ‘Cept this time it was you not Judith and it was, it was my dad, not Negan.” She feels him tense up again underneath her hand. Sliding her fingers up around his neck, she brushes them lightly through his hair.

“Nightmares take us to the worst places and they always bring along the people we love or hate the most. But they're just dreams, ain’t real.” He lowers his head and rests it on her shoulder and she feels him take a shuddering breath. She kisses his temple. “I got you Daryl. We got each other.”

* * *

He’s still feeling the effects of the horror of the last nightmare and it makes everything in the woods seem ominous and threatening, but he pushes forward because he has a destination in mind and he wants to get there. It’s suddenly become very important that he does this with Beth. He can feel her watching him from where she's walking beside him. Always beside him or in front of him. Never behind him. Unless he’s got ahold of her or he’s shielding her from something and she very rarely lets him do that anymore. They are in it together. And damn woman is stubborn.

They ate a little fruit and water and then headed out earlier that morning. Daryl’s hoping he can out run the damn nightmares and maybe get them a little closer to Alexandria in the meantime. The sun is high and it’s warm, but not hot. They haven’t seen a walker yet and he even managed to get a squirrel for dinner. He hasn’t said anything else about the nightmare and she doesn’t ask and they are both okay with that. Daryl knows that Beth won’t judge his silence. Besides it ain’t completely silent, girl’s been humming softly for quite awhile now and he smiles at that because she’s been humming a lot lately. 

“How much further?” She’s asked him this more than once. 

“Not far.” He avoids looking over at her because he knows what she’s gettin’ at. And he doesn’t want her to see the smile he’s trying to hide.

“So you do know where we’re headed?” She tugs on his backpack. He tries to give her a dirty look, but he’s been having fun teasing her with this all morning. Even though it really isn’t anything exciting. He’s just gonna put some demons to rest while they’re out here and he can. And he knows she’ll understand. 

They come into a clearing, the one where he first saw the barn. The sound of leaves crunching beneath his feet is loud as he makes his way to a tree, the tree. Beth is right beside him watching even closer now because she can sense his mood has changed. He decided to come back this way because he could change what happened here, make it a good place instead of a painful one. He’s fingering the circle shaped scar on his hand.

* * *

“Come on.” He reaches out for her hand and her eyes light on the scar there, she's seen it before, but never questioned it. They both have so many scars now, for so many different reasons, but she realizes that this one means something. This place means something too.

“Daryl what is this?” He’s sitting down in front of a tree and he motions for her to come sit between his legs and the expression on his face is sad, like he went somewhere in his head and it isn’t a happy place. She settles down and leans against him and he lays his hand in her lap, the one with the small circle shaped scar on it. And she sees it for what it is now. It’s a burn mark, a cigarette burn. 

“Carol gave me yer knife. She tol’ me I needed ta let myself feel it.” He rests his hand on her hand over the scar. 

“I sat here. Didn’ wanna feel nothin’. But I did an it hurt too much, hurt in a way I didn’ understand, so I did this. Cuz this pain, I know wha’ it is. Couldn’ deal with..” He can’t go on, drops his head to her shoulder and she feels him shaking. It feels like a balloon is being blown up slowly in her chest. It’s so much, she doesn't know what to do with it.

“You, you burned yourself.. you hurt yourself, cause of me?” She takes his hand and lightly traces the scar. She curls her hand around his covering that small patch of rough discolored skin and holds it up to her chest.

“Didn’ wanna keep livin’, but the others needed me. Rick needed me. It wuz bad, no food, no water. Maggie, she spent most the time cryin’ and then we lost Tyreese and Sasha she wasn’ in a good place. I had ta go on fer them, knew thas’ what you’d wan’ me ta do. Wuz a bad storm outta nowhere and I had seen this barn so we came back here and stayed the night.” He slid his hands to her hips and pushed gently, motioning for her to stand up. 

Once she’s up he takes her hand and leads her across the clearing to the barn. There are trees ripped up by the roots lying on the ground and she stops suddenly. This wasn’t just a little storm. It was more than that.

“A tornado? It went right through here and missed the barn with you all in it?” She’s in awe. And she wants to grab him and hug him because honestly he shouldn’t be alive, none of them should. This old wooden barn should’ve been ripped up as easily, if not easier than the trees.

“Mm hm.” He gestures to the door and holds up his crossbow and waits for her to open it. “Had walkers on us too. Storm took them out.” 

The barn’s empty except for the dust motes dancing in the sunlight that’s coming in through cracks in the weathered wood. Beth looks around and tries to imagine them all huddled in here braving the storm and all the walkers outside. They were here after Grady. After they left her because they thought she was dead. Daryl said that Maggie had cried and he had a scar, a small circle that every time she saw it now would remind her.. they hadn’t forgotten her. Walking away hadn’t been easy. They were hurtin’ too. She knows this, but right now, standing in this barn she really and truly feels it. For the first time. Daryl is leaning against a wall across the barn and she runs to him, collides with him, almost knocking him down.

“Beth! What…” He’s pinned against the wall and Beth’s got her arms wrapped around him.

“You were hurtin’ too, right here. And Maggie.. And… It felt like I was forgotten, but I wasn’t.” Her voice is just a whisper when she finishes and she drops her hands to her sides. She feels so overwhelmed with sadness and also something else, she doesn’t need it anymore, but here she is being given physical proof of the fact that she’s loved, has been all along. Even when they thought she was gone.

* * *

Daryl isn’t sure what’s going on in that little blonde head of her’s but she standing in front of him smiling and crying. And when he’s sure she isn’t gonna tackle him again he reaches for her hand.

“This ain’t a bad place anymore. Yer here with me.” His voice is husky as he cups her chin and tilts her head up. He leans over and brushes her lips with his. A soft kiss isn’t enough though and he pushes her up against the wooden wall, tangling his hands in her hair. She’s whimpering and has him in a vice grip, her small hands fisted in his leather vest. She pulls him as close as is physically possible and slips her small tongue between his lips licking, twisting in his arms.

“Let’s make it a good place Daryl, a very good place..” She sighs and pushes his angel wings from his shoulders. He pulls back and sees the need in her eyes and he’s sure that same need is in his. They are relatively safe here for now. The only barn door that works is barred. Yeah they can do this. They can have something for themselves for just a little bit.

Daryl’s heart is pounding hard in his chest. This is where he sat with Maggie that morning and they talked about her. Her. They never said her name because she was gone. But she’s not gone. She’s right here alive and so damn hot rubbing up against him. He pins her wrists to the wall with one hand and cups her ass with the other. His eyes are on hers as he grinds against her, lets her feel how much he wants her, what she does to him.

“Beth..” He breathes her name. She's struggling now, trying to get free from his grip. He leans down and licks her neck, nibbles at the soft skin. She’s whining in his ear and he isn’t sure why, but holding her like this, keeping her here is a turn on. 

“Lemme go Daryl.. I wanna touch you!” He’ll let her go, in a minute. This just feels too good. He hooks a finger in the front of her jeans and tugs the button free sliding the zipper down. 

“These need to come off.” He growls this is her ear as he lets go of her wrists. She runs her fingertips lightly down his arms and grabs his hands. Her eyes are so bright and when she pushes herself up on her toes and whispers, “I love you Daryl” into his mouth it makes his heart ache and for a minute he forgets how much he wants to fuck her and just lets himself feel her love. Once upon a time he sat right here devastated, with a broken heart because he believed she was dead. Now she's so alive and she’s right here in his arms and he’s gonna make sure he remembers that. 

Within seconds her pants and shirt are off, tossed haphazardly to the side and his are too, at least partially, he’s still got one foot in a pant leg, but they are both panting and he can’t wait, he needs to feel her wrapped around him, he needs to be inside her. Her hands are around his neck and he hefts her up so she can wrap her legs around his waist. Using the barn wall as leverage he reaches between them and slides two fingers into her warmth and her pussy is dripping wet. She moans softly and he watches as she bites down on her bottom lip, leaving teeth marks there as she sucks in her breath when his hard cock follows his fingers.

“Beth..” His hand is on her face, he traces her lips with his wet fingers, wet with her juices and the tip of her pink tongue swipes at them, sucks a finger into her mouth. He’s thrusting into her and trying to hold her up and he isn’t gonna last long because she feels so amazing. They fit together, belong together like this.

“Come Daryl.. let me watch you.. you’re beautiful.” Breathless. Some how she lost her hair band and now her hair is everywhere and she’s the one whose beautiful. Not him. He leans forward and jerks his hips harder, pushes himself deeper into her.

“Come with me Beth.. god.. you’re so tight.. “ He feels her legs tighten around him and she’s slipped a hand between them, rubs her clit and arches into him. He feels it, the beginning of her orgasm and it pushes him over the edge. He pulls out and covers their stomachs with his sticky warmth. He doesn’t close his eyes cause she's watching him and he’s watching her and he feels so much in that moment. Her hands are on is face as he lowers them both to the ground on shaky legs. She brushes back his hair from his eyes.

“Beth..”

“I’m here.”

Somehow they find the blankets in their packs and they collect their clothes, dress and end up curled up around each other on the floor of the barn. He keeps whispering her name because he doesn’t remember it ever being said here. Even he refrained from saying it. Were they afraid or did it just hurt to much? He doesn’t have to be afraid anymore though. But he still whispers it just the same.

* * *

Beth feels a slight tickle on her nose. When she reaches up to itch it she feels Daryl’s arms wrapped around her and his face is buried in her neck. Which explains the tickle. His hair is everywhere, including in her face. She wiggles around until she’s turned in his arms and is facing him. She can tell by his expression that he’s feigning sleep and she plays into it.

“My beautiful prince charming, all worn out from satisfying his princess..” she whispers teasingly until he smiles and growls at her. 

“I ain’t no prince charming. ‘M an ugly, grumpy, old man..” He stretches and pulls her against him. “We sleep all night?” He’s squinting at the light coming through the cracks in the barn walls.

“We did. And you didn’t have a nightmare either Daryl.” She nuzzles into his neck, loves how he smells, a smell that is all him. 

“Too fuckin’ tired! You wore me out..” He shifts so he can look at her, really look. “Beth..” Sometimes just the way he says her name makes her want to cry, no one has ever said it quite like he does. Maybe it’s silly and it’s just because she loves him, but he can put so much into that one word.

“We made it a good place Daryl, didn’t we?” He nods his head and still doesn’t look away from her. It’s an intense look and she’s waiting, for something more. It’s that kind of look.

“I love you Beth.” Oh. There it is. Daryl Dixon is a man of few words, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t feeling everything he doesn’t say. He’s easy to read if you know how to read the signs.

“I love you too…” Warm lips. Hands in the right places. This could easily escalate into a continuation of last night, but they both want to head out. Home. Even if this has been good for them and a nice little selfish break, it’s no use denying the feeling of unease just below the surface. It’s time to go back where they belong and are needed.

They pack up in silence. There’s no need for words. Daryl hands her and oat cake and she breaks it in two and shares with him. A simple nod from him and she’s easing the barn door open, checking for walkers. He shoulders his crossbow and follows her out. They haven’t heard anything but birds chirping this morning though and hopefully that is a sign that today will go easy on them. 

He doesn’t lead. They go together. Back home.


	18. Threats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we are almost at the end.. I think there are 2 maybe 3 chapters left. I am letting my muse guide me here. I have a kinda, sorta, idea, but it seems to be working best when I just sit down and write without a clear plan. Thanks for following this fic and for the kudos and reviews!! I really do appreciate it!

Beth feels Daryl squeeze her hand as they make their way through another small grove of trees. They’ve been making good time and there have been very few set backs. The walker population continues to be sparse and Beth has a few ideas in regards to that, but she doesn’t want to talk about walkers or Negan or anything as a matter of fact. She just wants to be out here with him and listen to the sounds of the woods. This is something she use to enjoy. It’s also a distraction from thinking about what’s to come. Daryl’s been holding her hand the entire time they’ve been walking, only letting go to take out one of the two walkers they encountered and another time to take a drink of water from the bottle they’ve been sharing. He’s been holding her hand, the entire time and she knows that now she's depending on that hand to be there. Always. But it might not. They’ve lost so much.

 

“Should be there in another hour or so.. ya ready?” Daryl’s looking at her, she can feel his gaze, but she doesn’t look at him. She can’t. She nods and looks up at the trees, the blue sky, and she swallows hard.

 

“I was just a kid when the world fell apart Daryl.. Now I feel so damn old.” She’s been thinking about her room, and the farm and her horses. She’s been thinking about her daddy and how in the beginning he held out hope for a cure, he refused to believe that everything was falling apart. She’s thinking about where she was and where she’s been and how those words she gave to Daryl, drunk on a porch in the dark, were almost a prophecy of sorts.

 

_You gotta stay who you are, not who you were._

 

_This is who I am._ There is no sound from either of their feet as they keep moving forward. She use to marvel at this, the way he moved silently like a cat, but now that she gets it, understands the need for it, she can’t imagine it being any other way. He pulls gently on her hand and swings their arms together between them.

 

“Ya weren’t made fer this world girl, until the world changed ya. ‘Member you made a wish, guess it came true.” She isn’t quite sure if he’s teasing or not, but he’s hit the nail on the head and she aches inside at the memory of how badly she wanted to change, felt she needed to. She’d like to go back, reclaim some of that innocence she lost. She’d like to believe that he’ll always be there to hold her hand.

 

“I can’t go back.” It’s not a question.

 

“Ya can’t go back.”

 

It’s fitting that this is the conversation they are having right now because she’s beginning to recognize her surroundings. There’s a familiarity in these woods and her adrenaline kicks in. His grip is suddenly tighter and when she glances over at him she sees his tense jaw and the set of his shoulders. A walk that has taken them most of the day suddenly seems like it’s over too soon. She slips her hand out of his to adjust her knife and he looks at her accusingly. She knows, if they could just hold onto each other and keep things from happening, but they can’t. They’re here. And it’s time to see where they’re going.

* * *

They’ve come up on the west wall of Alexandria. The part that runs behind the houses they are living in. Daryl doesn’t hear anything, but he didn’t really expect to. He remembers what they heard when they first came here and they all stood together outside the gates. They heard life. Children playing. People talking. Doors slamming. He also remembers how he didn’t give fuck about any of it, didn’t want to be there. But the boy and the baby deserved a roof, so he was there.

 

He raises his hand and points along the wall glancing over at Beth and he sees her nod slightly and she takes the lead. This is how they’ll do it, until they reach the gate. Daryl tries the radio again, he’s been trying the closer they’ve gotten, but he’s just getting static. He clips it back on his belt and focuses on Beth.

 

Beth didn’t stand outside the gate with them on the day they first came to the ASZ because Beth was dead. That’s what he’d thought, they’d all thought. And that’s why he didn’t care either way what happened, what he did, he did for the others, because as far as he was concerned he no longer cared if he lived or died. But there was obviously a part of him that did care to a certain extent. He could’ve ended it. He had access to weapons, hell he had access to drugs once they were inside. But he didn’t. He kept on going. Tried to tell himself it didn’t matter. 

 

_‘It does matter.’_

 

Beth stops in front of him and he sees what she’s doing. She's taking her time, watching, carefully. He comes up behind her, so close that he’s pressed lightly against her back and he leans in and rests his cheek against her head. Soft tendrils of hair that escaped her ponytail tickle his chin and he can still smell the damn vanilla shampoo she uses even though they are covered in four days worth of sweat and dirt. 

 

It does matter.

 

His hand at the small of her back guides her forward. They are coming up around the last corner and Daryl looks up and sees boots hanging over the edge of the wall, the guard post. Beth looks up, sees what he sees and they both stop. He pulls his gun and nods to her to do the same. With weapons in hand Daryl gives a low whistle signaling the person on watch. The boots disappear and the barrel of a rifle followed by Sasha’s face appear over the edge of the wall. 

 

Daryl raises a hand and she nods in return. She calls down to someone at the gates but Daryl stops Beth as they pass under her post.

 

“All clear?” He can’t walk in there with Beth if Negan and his Saviors are still hanging around. She gives him the thumbs up, but Daryl sees the tightness in her expression. He knows his family for the most part and he can read people. Whatever happened isn’t good. Eugene is waiting at the gate and it’s open and he moves to the side to letting Daryl and Beth in. The expression on his face mirrors Sasha’s, but Daryl also sees the fear there.

 

“Where’s Rick?” Daryl asks. Eugene looks over his shoulder as he closes the gate.

 

“Pantry. Assessing our supply situation. Maybe you better just go talk to him.” Daryl doesn’t like the way other man hangs his head and turns away. And Sasha hasn’t said anything. She just watches them from her post on the perch. He feels Beth's hand on his arm.

 

“Daryl.. ” Her voice is soft and he knows she just wants to ease her mind. Do a count. Make sure they are all here. Alive and well.

* * *

Negan’s been here. He’s walked these streets. Been inside a couple of the houses. Beth shudders as she looks around the pantry at the empty shelves. She steps in closer to Daryl and does her best to focus on what Rick is saying but she can’t get the image of that monster out of her head.. Just walking around their home, their safe place. 

 

No where is safe anymore.

 

“He took almost everything. There are the reserves that were hidden...” Rick’s face has that shell shocked look that it had out in there in grove. Beth knows there’s more and it isn’t good.

 

“I can hunt, go out later.” Daryl lowers his crossbow to the ground his eyes on Rick. Beth reaches out then and touches him, slips her hand into his and squeezes. Silently communicating the fact that she won’t stay here. Not without him.

 

“Carl, Judith.. “ She’s interrupting, but she needs to know. Rick’s eyes are on her now and she feels the weight of his gaze and she doesn’t like that there’s fear in it. Suddenly the garage they are standing in feels very confining.

 

“He’s coming back in two weeks and you gotta stay outta sight, you gotta…” Rick is reaching out for her hand now and he is trembling, slightly. She feels it when he wraps both his hands around hers. Somewhere outside a bird calls out.

 

“Rick?” She doesn’t like how her voice sounds like a whine almost a plea.

 

“They’re fine. Our family is fine. Maggie, Glenn, everyone.. He killed Spencer.” It’s more than that though and she knows it and Daryl knows it. She’s standing between the two of them and she can feel the tension rolling off Daryl and Rick’s fear is almost palpable.

 

“What else? What the fuck else?” Daryl growls and he pulls Beth back towards him, away from Rick and the fear that is emanating off of him.

 

“When he left.. Fucking bastard.. When he left he said he was looking for someone. Told me to keep an eye out for a blonde woman, tiny little thing, he called her. Said she killed his wife and one of his Saviors and he can’t have that… that won’t work..” Rick is looking at Daryl now and Beth is sure he’s saying something, but she can’t hear it. 

 

She jumped off the high dive at the high school on a dare from her brother. She must have been about 8 years old that summer. In the backseat of their hot station wagon, Shawn promised her ice cream if she’d just jump off that high dive. Every time they made that drive into town to go swimming that summer he’d whisper that promise into her ear, making sure Annette and Hershel never heard. Beth couldn’t tell her parents and she certainly couldn’t look like a coward in her big brother’s eyes. So she’d done it. Even though she was terrified and she hated it. She did it. She remembered what it felt like, climbing the ladder that seemed to go on forever, her little legs shaking. The board was coarse and cold beneath her feet. Laughter and voices echoed hollowly in her ears and because she was so far up there no one ever saw her tears. But she’d jumped. Every single time. She’d hit the water and sink and suddenly it was only the roar of water in her ears and parts of bodies tinged blue by the pools painted walls. She’d fight her way up, lungs burning, little arms and legs flailing, until she broke the surface. Coughing and sneezing she’d dog paddle to the wall and Shawn would haul her out and clap her on her back. “Ya did it kid!” She never figured out if he took pleasure in her fear or if he was trying to toughen her up. She only remembered how it felt beneath the water. Like she was drowning. She never enjoyed that ice cream.

 

Now she’s back in that pool, under the water, fighting to get to the surface and breathe again. There are arms wrapped around her, but it isn’t Shawn, he’s dead. Her mama’s dead, her daddy’s dead and she should be. But she’s not. She’s here in the pantry with her face buried in his chest, his arms around her, his voice rumbling beneath her ear. Daryl. He’s yelling something at Rick, but he stops when he hears her.

 

“He knows.. he knows I’m here…” She’s whispering and she can feel herself teetering on the edge of hysteria, but he pulls her back, again. He’s always pulling her back. His voice in her ear. It keeps her from losing the little hold on reality she still has.

 

“He don’ know. He don’. Ain’t gonna find ya.” If she could just wrap herself up in him, his vest, the smell of trees and dirt and smoke. If she could just hide. He won’t let the monsters get her again. He promised. 

 

“Said he’s keeping an eye out and if we were to find her and give her to him that would go a long way in squaring our debt. He doesn’t know Beth. But it sure as fuck scared me.” Rick is back in control, but Daryl isn’t. Beth can feel him shaking against her. And when he puts his hands gently on her shoulders and moves her back just a little she knows he’s done. She takes a couple steps backwards, closer to Rick and watches as he paces back and forth, muscles tense beneath his shirt. 

 

“Why’d he kill Spencer?” Daryl asked. He was still pacing. Beth glances at Rick, unsure of what to do. She doesn’t know if she can even talk him down.

 

“Spencer sold me out. Said I wasn’t gonna be willing to work with him and that Negan should get rid of me and let him take charge. He’d have no problem working with Negan and meeting his demands.” Daryl stopped and stared at Rick. “Apparently Negan felt that any man willing sellout his leader is a coward and he killed him. Made Olivia and a couple others dispose of the body.”

 

“He’s monster. He uses fear to lead his people. But he does have a twisted respect for people who stand up for themselves so long as it doesn’t get in the way of what he ultimately wants.” Beth’s voice wavers as she speaks and she feels sick to her stomach. She’s well aware of the fact that her actions while she was in Negan’s factory should have gotten her killed. But they hadn’t, cause Negan appreciated the fact that she fought. He still took what he wanted, but she did fight back. Unfortunately killing, or helping kill Sherri was too much. “But I killed his wife. So..” She doesn’t try to stop the shudder that wracks her body as that memory comes back to her. Sherri wanted out. She felt like she had no other choice. That’s what Negan did. Made them believe they were trapped. 

 

Daryl slams his fist into the wall of the infirmary and then he leans against it, his forehead resting just above the whole he punched through the sheetrock. His hand probably isn’t broken, but the knuckles are tore up and blood rolls down his hand and drips onto the floor.

 

“Ain’t gonna find ya.. Leave if we hafta, hide out.. Or I’ll just kill ‘em.” Daryl doesn’t turn around and face them. Beth knows he’s angry and scared. It’s only the thought of her being in danger that drives him to that place. It’s not a place she likes to visit. It hurts to see him like this, scares her just as much as the threat scares him.

 

“Daryl… you’re hurt, there’s blood..” She walks up behind him slowly and pulls his red bandanna from his back pocket and reaches for his hand. His shoulders slump and he lets her wrap it. “Let’s go get a first aid….” Beth says, but is cut off by the radio static.

 

“Rick?” Sasha’s voice. “Jesus is out here, you need to come.”

 

Daryl tenses up again and watches as Rick raises the radio to his face. 

 

“He alone?” Rick waits for her reply.

 

“Nope. It all clear though,” she says.

 

Rick nods at Daryl and they follow him out of the garage to the gate. ‘All clear’, Beth thinks, must mean no Negan. And it also must have been a code they decided on while Beth and Daryl were outside the walls.

* * *

With the gate in sight Rick takes his colt out and holds by his side. Daryl flips his bow around and he steps in front of Beth. Rick moves in close to him and they cover her. Even though they got the all clear they aren’t taking any chances. Daryl can see Jesus and he pulls his crossbow over his head and hands it back to Beth. Then everything else just goes red.

 

“Let ‘em in..” he growls at Rick and stalks off towards the gate before Beth and Rick realize what’s going on. He hears Rick call to Sasha to open the gate and the minute there’s enough of a clearance for him, he’s on his target. Dwight.

 

“You fuckin’ tell him she’s with us?” Daryl slams the man to the ground and has a hand around his neck. He could kill him, he will. He’ll break his neck and string him up in a tree. He swings again and Dwight rolls over and the fist that was going to smash into his jaw connects with asphalt. Somewhere in his brain he recognizes her cry.

 

“No! I let her go.. Get off me..” He’s trying to throw punches but Daryl has him flat on his back again.

 

“How the fuck yer boss know about her, huh?!” He feels arms on either side of him pulling him off the scrawny bastard. Dwight uses this chance, swings and his fist connects with Daryl’s mouth. It’s a weak punch, but Daryl feels the sting of a split lip and tastes blood. Jesus and Rick are dragging him away and he sees Sasha and Beth with their weapons trained on the asshole.

 

“He’s with us Daryl! Calm down!” Daryl jerks his arm away and glares at Jesus. His eyes on Beth, he heads towards her, but Jesus blocks his way. 

 

“Fuck you I ain’t going for him!” She’s already lowering his bow and coming to his side. He lets her push him away from the other men, back towards the gate.

 

“Why is he here?” Rick is up in Jesus’ face and Daryl relaxes a little, leans into Beth, let’s her take his battered hand. His brother has his back.

 

Jesus is moving back towards Dwight reaching out a hand and helping him up. Sasha hasn’t left, her gun still trained on him.

 

“He came to the Hilltop. He surrendered, he wants out and he wants to help us. All of us.” 

 

Daryl lets a breath out that resembles a laugh and a growl all in one. 

 

“Ya believe that shit? Guy’s a liar, stole my stuff… he killed.. Denise.” And all at once Daryl is enraged again. He killed Denise. Put an arrow through her skull. Forgetting about the pain in his hand and the blood that is running freely from his lip and down his neck he lunges again, but this time it’s Rick that stops him.

 

“Hold up Daryl. Just.. wait..” He leans in close to Daryl and the way he says it eases Daryl back a bit. Because he respects Rick. And he knows that Rick loves Beth and he wouldn’t risk her life. “Get inside the gate. Go on Beth.”

 

She’s back at his side and she slips her arm under his and leads him in. He hears her shuddering breath and his heart sinks. He slides his good arm around her shoulders.

 

“Ya okay?” He says it gently, watches her face and she’s nodding, but she’s also blinking back tears and she ain’t looking at him. “Beth..” She reaches for his hand again and she's trying to press the blood soaked bandana to his knuckles to stop the bleeding, but it isn’t working.

 

The others are inside the gate now and he hears it slam shut and the locks being turned, but he can’t tear his eyes away from her. She has that deer in the headlights look on her face again. And he remembers what she looked like in the RV right after Negan had them all. She’s slipping, she's wiping aimlessly at his knuckles and it hurts cause she isn’t paying attention to what she’s doing. And the bandana is no good anyway.

 

“Beth. Stop. Yer hurtin’ me girl.” She jerks her hand away and mumbles something. “ ‘S okay, jus’ a little blood.” He smiles at her, but he can taste blood and he imagines his face looks horrible. Sasha joins them and holds out another bandana. Holding it to his mouth he looks at Sasha. “Beth stay here, I’m gonna find out what’s going on. Stay with Sasha.”

 

That seems to bring her back from wherever she was because now she’s glaring at him and she steps around him, bloody rag balled in her fist and heads towards Rick.

 

“I am not staying here.” She calls over her shoulder and Sasha shrugs and follows her. 

* * *

Beth’s emotions are all over the place. She’s terrified and angry, and she’s angry that she’s terrified. This needs to end. They can’t continue to live like this, always afraid and hiding. She comes up on the three men and folds her arms.

 

“I have a right to know what’s going on.” She looks at Rick while she says this because if she looks at Dwight she’s afraid she’ll start crying and she doesn't want that to happen. She feels Daryl come up behind her. When she’s hurt or upset or in any kind of danger, there is no such thing as personal space as far as Dary is concerned. But his chest against her back, the warmth from the physical contact does calm her down a little.

 

“Beth, Rick just told me, told us what went on with Negan. I swear we had no idea. Dwight wasn’t even here with him and the Saviors,” Jesus explained. Beth nodded, the knot in her stomach from earlier reminding her that it’s still there.

 

“I want out man. You think I woulda done what I did for her in the van if I had an allegiance to Negan? I let her go. I knew a long time ago I wanted out. I just needed to figure out a way. It’s not easy.” Dwight avoided looking Daryl in the eyes, but Beth can see it’s obviously directed at him.

 

“An ya think we should jus’ take your word, let ya in here…” Daryl rests a hand on her shoulder and she can feel the slight tremor in it, like he’s doing all he can to hold himself in check.

 

“No, no. He’s not coming in here. We’re gonna hear what he has to say and then you can take him back with you. Keep him locked up until we figure this out.” Rick looks at Jesus and the other man nods.

 

“He’s looking for Beth…” Dwight starts and Rick raises a hand to Daryl’s shoulder anticipating what Daryl might do before it’s done. Beth leans back against him because Dwight is saying just what she fears. Dwight holds up a hand. “He don’t know who she is or anything, just what she did. That Savior, in the van that night, he’s dead. One of the other girls, trying to get in Negan’s favor, told him. Told him the little blonde killed Chad and Sherri and escaped. They don’t even know her name. If Negan ever knew it he forgot it.” 

 

That’s not how it went, she hadn’t wanted to kill Sherri. Beth steps towards him and she feels Daryl’s hand at the small of her back but she shrugs it off intent on getting closer to Dwight. Her throat is aching.

 

“I didn’t.. Sherri made me, she said it was the only way.. I didn’t wanna do it..” Beth knows she’s pleading with this man who isn’t much better than Negan, but her guilt at Sherri’s death is forcing her, pushing her to say what she’s wanted to say for awhile.

 

Dwight drops his head to his chest and his arms dangle by his sides. 

 

“I know. Sherri told me, before. I tried to talk her out of it, begged her but she wanted away from him and she wanted you to go home. Said you weren’t like all those other girls, you were loved, had people that loved you somewhere and she wanted you to find them.” It’s obvious he’s having a hard time saying all this and it’s hurting him.

 

“I’m sorry.” It’s all she can give him. 

 

“Beth.” Daryl isn’t angry. He isn’t yelling at her but she turns and hurries back to him. Back to the safety that being in his arms gives her.

 

“So what does Beth have to do with all this?” Rick asks.

 

Dwight looks at Jesus. 

 

“Just listen to him before you assume the worst. Ok. It’s only an idea and to be honest I’m not sold on it either. There are other ways, we can figure something out, but listen to this first.” Jesus tells them.

 

“I can go back to Negan. Tell him I know where she is, tell him I want back in his favor. Offer her in exchange for my rank back in the Savior's.” Daryl’s out from behind Beth and on Dwight’s before anyone says anything else. Sasha follows, her rifle targeted on Dwight.

 

“DARYL!” Rick yells and grabs the back of his brother’s leather vest yanking him off Dwight. Beth gets s hold of his arm and pulls him back again. “We ain’t agreeing to nothin’ yet. Just listen!” Beth watches Daryl’s face and his eyes don’t leave Dwight.

 

“What’s to say this asshole don't jus’ go back and tell him the truth?” The pleading tone in Daryl’s voice is the final straw for Beth. She’s been trying to hold it together, but she can’t anymore. She’s scared. She’s scared and she wants to wake up cause this has to be a nightmare. Turning into Daryl she buries her face in his chest and cries. His hands are on her, in her hair and she feels his harsh breaths in her ear. “I got ya Beth.. I ain’t gonna.. “ But, to overwhelmed with emotion, he can’t say anything else and he just holds her.

 

“I’ll work it out so you can ambush him. He won’t be ready, won’t expect it. Not from me. But I’m done. I’m done.” Dwight holds out his hands.

 

“Why?” Rick asks and for a few seconds there is silence.

 

“Yeah why are you doing this?” Sasha’s asks.

 

“I’m doing it for her. So her death wasn’t for nothing. Because she’d say this is what we should do.” Dwight takes a deep breath, “She was a good person. I’m doing it for her.”

 

At these words Beth turns her head and looks at him through her tears.

 

“Negan would have to see proof, he’s not stupid, he’s gonna ask to see her.” Rick brings this up and Beth sucks in a breath, with the sudden realization that this is in fact true. Negan won’t believe it unless he sees her.

 

“No.” Daryl takes a step forward. “Rick ya gonna even entertain doin’ this? Put her out there? In danger?”

 

Beth is still looking at Dwight, thinking. Because if Dwight truly is done, if he wants out, it could work. She could end this, be the bait. She would do it if it meant ridding their world of Negan.

 

“Daryl?” Her voice is soft and she watches as he turns slowly to face her. He loves her, so much, this is gonna hurt him and he will probably refuse and she’d have to go against him and she doesn’t know if she is strong enough to do that. But this has to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes the dreaded cliffhanger,,, I'm sorry!! I promise not to leave you hanging for too long!!


	19. Bait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for any inconsistencies, misspelled words or incorrect grammar.. I did read and re-read, but today has been a day! This is a long chapter that had to be cut off quick.. I think it still works just fine. I hope. Well anyway on that note, enjoy!

Plans have ultimately changed. And everything is happening so fast. Beth sits alone on the couch her arms wrapped around her body. Rick called another meeting and they are waiting for everyone to arrive at his house. For now it’s just the core group, just the people who need to know. It’s best, safest, for most of the community to believe they are going along with Negan. People are talking, moving around the room, asking Rick questions, but Beth is focused on one person in particular. He’s been pacing around the periphery of the room since they came back here with Jesus and Dwight. He’s angry and he hasn’t looked at her full on since she told him that maybe this could work and she could help. Daryl’s silence in no way means that he has accepted this or that he will even agree to it. She’s well aware of the fact that he’s hurting too, because he told her, made it perfectly clear that he would sacrifice everything else to keep her safe. Making herself a target is making a mockery of everything that matters to him. She folds her hands in her lap and lowers her head, blinking fast to stop the tears. She doesn’t want to cry right here surrounded by everyone. They have already figured out that something is up with Daryl and they’re steering clear of him. Which is stupid. She can’t just sit here and she’s not afraid of him. Before she’s able to make her way over to Daryl, Maggie sits down beside her.

“Hey Beth..” Her sister sounds weary and her face looks a little pale. Beth reaches out and lays a hand on her arm.

“Hey Mags.. can you hang on just a sec, I need too…” Her eyes rest on Daryl and her sister picks up on this and nods.

Beth stands and watches him. He’s at the window, still for the moment, looking out at something she can’t see. She approaches him slowly, but he’s got that hunter’s innate sense of, well everything and even before she’s beside him he glances back at her. His eyes are like two storm clouds, the usual blue is grey and his gaze makes her want to shiver, but she keeps herself in check and doesn’t stop walking towards him.

“Daryl, I know you're upset.. I just..” She starts out slow, but apparently he’s not willing to listen without interrupting.

“Ya know huh? What else ya know Beth?” He can’t fool her with the way he practically growls at her. She knows what’s behind it all. And she knows she's the cause.

“I know you think this is a bad idea..” She starts but is silenced by his harsh laugh.

“Ain’t a bad idea, prolly a really fuckin’ good one.” Now his arms are crossed over his chest and he’s standing tall. He can be damn right menacing when he’s being defensive. If you don’t know him. But she does, very well.

“Well then let’s at least think about..” Once again he interrupts.

“If it wasn’ you.. Don’t ya get it girl?” He’s no longer growling. He’s just lost, he’s forgotten he’s surrounded by so many of the others or he wouldn't drop his guard, wouldn’t plead with her. “I’d do anythin’.. I can’t.. I told you, everything else can burn, but you, I won’ let you.” His hands are by his sides now, he’s hiding behind the hair covering his face and he looks so defeated. She can’t have him feeling like that.

“You won’t Daryl, cause you’ll be there too. You’ll be right there and you won’t let anything happen to me.” She’s there at his side, hand resting on his hip.

“I lost ya. Before.” He’s turned his head just a fraction and his eyes are on her, not her eyes, but he is looking at her.

“Won’t happen again. You can be there. Holding on to me the whole time.” She reaches for his shoulder and holding on she pushes herself up on her toes and her lips brush his ear. Whispers so only he can hear, “If it goes bad we can run. We can always run.” 

The room around them is suddenly alive and very loud. Maggie is the loudest.

“What’s going on? What do you mean he won’t let anything happen? Beth?” The rest of the faces in the room wear the same expression that Maggie's does and Beth looks to Rick. Because there is absolutely no way she’s gonna be able to explain this to her sister.

“There’s one way, well it’s just an idea that was recently brought to our attention, I wouldn’t even consider it, but..” Rick is stalling. Beth knows he doesn’t like the idea either, but she also knows that he is thinking about it, thinking hard.

“Well what is it?” Maggie asks loudly finding her way to Beth’s side.

“Negan wants Beth. We want Negan. Beth could be the bait that brings him right where we need him to be.” 

~

To say that what Rick said didn’t go over well, is an understatement. Suddenly everyone has an opinion about it.

“This isn’t the plan we’re set on.” Rick is trying to talk over Maggie and Glenn and even Michonne, all of whom are very vocal about what they think of this idea and everyone seems to have forgotten that she gets a say. She of all of them should be able to have a part in making this decision. 

“Yet.” She folds her arms across her chest and she hears the growl behind her but ignores it, choosing instead to glare at the others.

“Beth. Don’t. This is heated enough!” She sees the desperation in Rick’s eyes and softens. She doesn't want to make this any harder than it already is. But it just seems so simple. Just this one little thing and they can end it all.

“Have you even worked through the details of how this would go down or any other scenario that might possibly work? We know what he’s capable of. We saw that firsthand.” Aaron, always the voice of reason steps forward. His eyes on Rick initially, but they find their way to Daryl. Daryl’s head is down and he’s pacing again, not looking at anyone. Beth’s heart hurts seeing him like this, knowing it’s her that’s partially to blame.

“That’s what we’re here to do..” Rick begins. He's interrupted by Daryl. He came back into the conversation, eyes blazing.

“Beth’s got it all figured out, doncha Beth?” Okay so now the anger is back. And he’s across the room and in her space, she holds her ground though. 

“We all have to make sacrifices to keep our family safe.” She feels like that’s all this is. Kinda. Doesn’t she? Daryl is just shaking his head.

“And wha’ ya gonna do when pulls out that bat girl? That gonna be sacrafice enough? Ya already had a fuckin’ bullet in your head! Dammit Beth, ain’t that, ain’t that enough?” She reaches for him and he steps back. So she lets her arms drops to her sides and she just stares at him until it becomes to much and she looks down. She hears his footsteps going away, knows the sound of his crossbow as he slips it over his head. And she isn’t surprised not one bit, when he says,

“‘M goin’ out.” He always runs when things get to be to much for him. She starts to follow and Sasha stops her.

“Don’t. I’ll go. Watch him so he doesn’t do anything stupid. Maybe you need to make sure you don’t either.” The words sting, a little. She doesn’t expect anyone to understand. Not completely. She can’t do anything but stand there and watch as Sasha shoulders her rifle and leaves the way he went. so that what she does.

~

Once Daryl leaves the meeting goes a bit smoother. Only because Beth is able to focus. She couldn’t feel his eyes on her. Couldn’t feel his fear and his anger. Maggie isn’t any more happy with the suggestion that Beth be used as bait than Daryl was, but at least she’s listening to Rick and Jesus and Dwight. No one really wants Dwight involved at all, but he is. Because like Beth he’s gonna be a major player in what happens.

Beth wishes Carol we’re here. She would have a lot to say and Beth thinks that she would think hard, like Rick is doing, about how this could all go down and actually work. She wouldn’t just write it off because it’s Beth. Little Beth Greene being put in the face of danger. That’s the hardest pill for her to swallow right now. But Carol left. She chose to walk away because it was too much for her. And that’s her choice. Beth won’t walk away. She can’t.

“I am strong you know. I’m well aware of what could happen. But I also know how this family works as a team and I would trust all of you to keep me safe.” Beth blurts this out in a quiet moment. These thoughts that have been going round in her head. She’s always been protected, needed protection. She remembers Dawn’s harsh words in the hospital, and Daryl’s at the moonshine cabin. 

_‘How many people had to risk their lives to save you?’_

_‘Never relied on anyone for protection before!’_

_‘I saw this the night you came in. Is this bullshit, too? Some people just aren't meant for this life, and that's okay.’_

_‘I sure as hell never cut my wrists looking for attention!’_

She was that girl a long time ago. But she’s changed. They all have. She can’t do this alone. Not like Rick or maybe even Daryl could if circumstances were different, but she can be a part of the team.

“Of course you are. No one is saying you aren’t capable Beth. This man is a psycho, a maniac, and he’s unpredictable. We just got you back. It’s hard. For all of us. Hardest for Daryl I think..” Michonne is looking at her now and Beth realizes that the way Michonne looks at her has changed. The woman has always been good to her. After sharing their stories they kind of formed an unspoken bond. But there’s also a newfound respect in her gaze. Beth just nods, that’s all she can do because this is too heavy.

“What are you gonna do to protect her? You think Negan will buy it if you guys are all surrounding her? What he did to Abraham.. ” Maggie isn’t going to be easily convinced either.

Dwight hasn’t said much the entire time, just backed up a few things that Jesus has said. Beth guesses he said what he needed to say out by the gates. When it’s time to come up with an actual plan he’ll have more to add.

All eyes are on Beth and she's so tired of being the center of everything. She actually misses being back at the prison and feeling like she was invisible. She took care of Judith and no one ever really paid her any mind. Now she’s come back from the dead and suddenly everything she does is under scrutiny, at least by her family.

“Rick it’s not so simple. Think about it. He’s gonna wonder how we got her, who she is to us, and if she belongs with us. It won’t work that way.” Michonne is shaking her head and Beth is looking back and forth between her and Rick. 

“She’s right. You can’t be where he can see you. You’ll have to be hidden and wait. You're all going have to trust me. He’s going to have to trust me.” Dwight knew this all along, Beth can see that from the expression on his face and he isn’t smug and he doesn’t seem all that happy about it either. She’s betting he waited for them to come to this conclusion on their own because bringing it up before would surely incur Daryl’s wrath, again.

“No! You think Daryl is gonna agree to this?” Maggie glares at Beth, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. There’s only fear there.

“He isn’t going to agree. It’s gonna tear him apart.” Glenn is watching her too, but he isn't glaring like her sister. He just looks scared. She knows it’s true. All of it. But there isn’t any other way. No one has come up with anything else. This is the way. The only way.

She told him he could be there. Told him he could hold onto her the whole time. Said they’d run if it went bad. She meant it then. But he can’t.

~

“Why you followin’ me?” Daryl’s been listening to her footsteps behind him for the last ten minutes. 

“Making sure you stay outta trouble. And getting the hell outta that mess of a meeting.” Sasha matches his pace.

“Yer too fuckin loud. Gonna have every walker out here on us.” He isn’t feelin’ sociable right now.

“I know that Dixon, did it on purpose. I don't want to get shot by one of your arrows.” His only response it a grunt because she’s probably right. The way he’s feeling right now he’d probably shoot first. He needs to calm the fuck down and focus.

“It ain’t gonna work, their little plan. She thinks that, that bastard’s just gonna come out and accept her as our offerin’ without givin’ it a second thought? Ain’t he gonna wonder where she come from? How all’ a sudden we got our hands on somethin’ he wants? Ain’t gonna work, he’s gonna know she’s ours. Might already.” He’s gonna know she’s his. He feels his heart pounding again and the rage slowly building inside him. Because thinking about this, putting her in danger, using her is terrifying. She said he could hold on to her. He can’t hold on to her. A groan from the trees signals a walker and he forgoes the crossbow, pull his knife out instead. He falls on the corpse stabbing it repeatedly until Sasha is hissing his naming and grabbing for his arms.

“Daryl! Stop! I know, I know. Maybe we need to be back there voicing these things so the rest of them think about them.” The look on her face, Daryl knows she wants to tell him he can’t run away every time things get hard. Or is that the voice in his own head? And he wants to be back there. Being too far from Beth makes him anxious. 

_‘Pussywhipped, little brother..’_

_Fuck you Merle!_

Daryl wipes the knife on the ground and sheaths it. When he stands he looks at Sasha and nods. 

“Les’ go back then.” He’s gonna make sure she doesn't do this. At least not alone.

~

They’re just wrapping up when Daryl and Sasha come back. Beth hears the door and she's on her feet even before they make it into the living room. Sasha comes all the way in and puts her weapons on the island in the kitchen. Daryl lingers in the doorway and his eyes are on Beth and she doesn’t even think about it, just goes to him. He apparently has been thinking because he pulls her close and rest his chin on her the crown of her head.

“How ‘em I gonna be there with ya? How’s that gonna work? It ain’t Beth.” His voice is low and his words are meant only for her and she nods because she knows. He has been thinking.

“I don’t want this to hurt Daryl.”

“Everythin’ hurts Beth.”

Daryl and Beth are standing in the doorway when Jesus and Dwight head in their direction to leave. Beth feels Daryl stiffen against her and his breathing is coming faster, little pants and she takes his hand and leads him to the stairs.

“Ain’t gonna work that way. You know it.” Daryl stands facing away from Dwight at the bottom of the stairs.

“No it won’t. You’re gonna have to decide if you can trust me Daryl.” Then they’re gone and Beth tugs gently at his hand. 

~

Daryl wakes up to shadows. It’s early. He doesn’t think about his crossbow or even leaving this bed. Beth’s breath is warm on his chest and her hair is in his face tickling his nose. The rest of her is soft skin wrapped around him and tangled in the sheets that they somehow got lost in last night. Because all of a sudden there was an urgency in being together, him being on her, in her and she refused to let go, whispered in his ear, ‘I need you Daryl.. I need this.’ And he has a problem denying her anything, at least as far as this is concerned. To be honest he knows he wanted it just as much as her, maybe more.

It wasn’t soft and sweet, it was desperate and rough and he remembers at one point her hair was wrapped in his fist and he forced her head back so he was able to leave marks on her neck, his marks. He fingers the hair at her neck now, brushes it back and they’re there, the marks. Small dark red spots. He should feel something shouldn’t he? He should be ashamed or appalled at what he did, something other than the heat he feels in his groin. But he wasn’t alone in this. His shoulder smarts and he glances at it and can make out a bite mark. This wasn’t them intentionally trying to hurt one another, this is their fear. Even when he was thrusting into her so hard they will both probably have bruises on their hip bones, his mouth was in her hair begging her not to leave him again, he can’t do it again, won’t do it again. And it was her crying when she came, ‘not leaving you, promise you Daryl.. never.. I’m never..’ After, they laid there catching their breath, slowing the frantic beating of their hearts, he’d given her an ultimatum. Curled around her, his arms holding her, he’d told her,

“Ya ain’t doin’ this without me. M’ gonna be there or it ain’t happenin’. I’ll leave, take you and leave and no one will find us, no one will ever take ya away from me again.” He’s not sure she heard him, although he could've sworn there was the tiniest hitch in her breathing. Then she sighed and slid her arms around him and he felt her thumb at the small of his back lightly making circles and that’s the last thing he remembered until now.

She’s becoming just as perceptible as him. He notices her eyes on him. They flash blue and silver in the gray morning light.

“You marked me Dixon.” Her voice is heavy with sleep even though her eyes are clear and settled on him. He chuckles and shrugs a shoulder in her direction.

“ Wha’ ya call this then?” He watches as her eyes widen just a fraction and shivers when she runs a finger over the irritated skin where she sunk her teeth in just enough to leave a mark, but not draw blood.

“I call us even.” She rolls over onto her back and the sheets fall away leaving her naked from the waist up. The lighting in the room tinges her ivory skin blue. He runs a finger down her breastbone and it’s her turn to shiver.

“Best be gettin’ up.” He murmurs as he watches her skin tighten into goosebumps, her nipples harden.

“You aren’t making that easy,” she breathes rolling over against him. Wrapping her arms around his neck she pulls him down beside her, rests her forehead against his. “I heard you last night.. you’re not giving me any say?” He can’t read her, doesn’t know if she’s angry or if this declaration means something else. He shakes his head slightly.

“ ‘M not. No.” He hopes she can see it in his eyes, he’s not being an asshole, he’s really not. 

“Daryl..” His name never changes, but the melody does. She sings his name and he knows, he knows she’s there with him. He cups her chin and she nods and whispers, “Okay, okay Daryl.”

~

Shortly after they got up, Beth and Daryl were greeted with good news. A group that went out the night before came back with two trucks they found hidden in a survivalist bunker a ways out west, somewhere they haven't scavenged that thoroughly. This more than fills their pantry. A small amount of medical supplies and ammunition was on the truck too. It’s enough to appease Negan if he comes back early. It’s a good thing, Beth thinks. And as long as there are good things they can still push forward. 

They find Rick out on the porch. He’s watching the others unload and distribute the things they’ve found. Oliva won’t do an inventory until some of the food is given to the community. That was something they had agreed to last night when they weren’t arguing over Beth. Daryl leans against the banister and lights a cigarette. The smoke swirls and dissipates and Beth sighs as she glances in the direction Rick is looking.

“If there’s no record of it, then it was never there. Our people eat first this time.” Rick rubs his face and Beth notices, not for the first time, the deep purple shadows under the man’s eyes. She watches as he looks to Daryl and she realizes that he’s not looking for confirmation that Daryl heard him, but acknowledgement that he agrees with him. Daryl nods and takes the cigarette from between his teeth.

“Wha’ we doin’ next?” His eyes are on Rick, but Rick is looking at her. It’s a heavy feeling and she thinks again of being invisible. Taking the steps down slowly one at a time she stops when she’s standing on the walkway below them.

“Find a way to make it work, with both of us.. “ It hurts to say it and she isn’t sure why. “Or we’ll go. So he never knows I was ever here.” She can’t look at Rick then. Is it selfish on their part? That they would run to insure they’re together when in reality they could die regardless. She doesn’t know and she doesn’t want to dwell on it. Because it hurts.

“Wouldn’t have let you do it alone anyway.” His words are like a physical force and she feels her breath that she didn’t realize she was holding rush out of her body leaving her weak. The sun has just finally broken through the early morning cloud cover and in that ray of light that hits the porch she can see Daryl’s hands tremble at his sides. His eyes are on Rick.

“You think I could man? You really think..” Rick reaches for Daryl and curls a hand around his neck. Beth is back on the steps taking them slowly, watching, she isn’t sure if it’s the sunlight or Rick’s words that has Daryl’s eyes glistening, but he ducks his head and she can’t even see their blue anymore. “I won’t, I won’t. I’ll send you both away first.” For a few seconds Daryl’s head is against Rick’s chest and now she knows it’s not the sun. Then he’s standing again wiping his face, nodding and glancing over at Beth. 

“We’ll make it work, but we keep her safe. We keep our family safe.” Rick looks to her and she can’t help the small whimper that slips out as she slides under his arm and rests her cheek against the wet spot where Daryl’s face was only moments before.

~

The next morning Beth watches from the lookout as Daryl, Glenn and Maggie head for the Kingdom. They’d decided last night that these trips needed to be made. It’s time to get things moving in the direction they want.

This one day trip is meant to convince the leader there that it’s in his best interest to join forces with Alexandria and the Hilltop and end Negan once and for all. Rick headed for the Hilltop earlier, on his own to meet up with Jesus.

She lowers herself down and lets her legs dangle over the wall and she watches them go. There’s a lump in her throat and it hurts. The black beanie pulled down over her blonde hair is something she promised Daryl she’d wear. She won’t admit it, but it makes her feel better when she’s outside. Although he’d prefer she stay inside, in their room, probably in the closet under a blanket if he had his way. That won’t happen though and he knows it. He keeps turning and walking backwards watching her, a part of her wishes he wouldn’t. He’s too far now for her to see his face clearly and being that he’s with others he’s probably doing a good job hiding what’s going on inside his head and heart. She on the other hand isn’t quite as strong as him and once she’s sure he can’t see, she buries her face in her hands and lets the tears fall that have been threatening to all morning. 

“Hey Beth?” She feels the wooden lookout vibrate with a knock from below. Sighing she brushes the tears away and tries to calm herself. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be sad but for some reason right now she doesn’t want anyone to perceive her as weak at all.

“Yeah?” Enid's head pops up over the edge of the lookout as the girl makes her way up the ladder.

“I’m sorry.. I know you probably want to be alone, but.. look I was thinking maybe we could go out, just a little ways and do some target practice? I would feel better if I could do something ya know?” She smiles a little at Beth and her smile gets bigger when Beth laughs.

“Yeah.. yeah okay. I’m just.. a mess, kinda. I guess.” That’s putting it mildly, but she’ll be fine. He’ll come back and it will be ok.

“I get it. You don’t have to explain.” She starts back down the ladder and Beth follows.

“I’d ask you if Daryl put you up to this, but he would never suggest leaving the walls.” Beth concentrates on her feet as they hit each rung. Solid. The ladder, the ground, everything is solid and she won’t fall apart.

“Oh yeah.. Um we don’t have to leave if..” Enid starts.

“No. We do. Sometimes Daryl is too overprotective. We aren’t going far. And I’ll tell Carl.” Beth hops the rest of the way down.

“Yeah about that.. Could we maybe not tell Carl.” Beth eyes the younger girl and suddenly it dawns on her. This girl and Carl. How did she not see it before?

“Oh! No.. we won’t tell Carl. How about Rosita? Or Aaron, yeah I think Aaron is our safest bet.” Going out and doing something productive makes Beth feel 100 percent better. And this with Enid, it’s almost like her and Maggie before everything fell apart. It’s a kind of normal thing to do.

~

Of course when they tell Aaron he doesn't think it’s so normal and he’s probably just as overprotective as the people they were avoiding telling. But he agrees on one condition.

“I’m coming with you.” He’s already grabbing ammo from a box under a pile of motorcycle parts and shoving it in his bag. “I could use the practice too.”

Of course it’s Sasha who’s at the gate and from the set of her features Beth knows that she doesn’t like that the three of them are venturing outside the walls. 

“It’s just for a little while and we aren’t going far. I need to do something Sasha.” Beth does her best to keep her voice from betraying her, letting Sasha know that she’s doing her best to hang on here amidst everything else they have going on. And maybe Sasha gets that because she nods at Beth and even gives her a smile small.

“You get the other figured out?” She’s referring to the whole using Beth as bait and her reaction, so many of their reactions pull Beth in all kinds of directions. Family. It’s still here and it’s just a strong as it was when there was another family at the prison.

“We’ll make it work. There’s nothing set yet.” Beth toes the dirt and avoids looking directly at the other woman.

“You're doing it with him then?” This all Sasha really wants to know. And Beth gets it. She isn’t weak, but this is family. They do this together. Or they don’t do it at all. It isn’t a choice.

“Yeah.” Sasha’s small chuckle surprise Beth and she raises her eyes to her.

“Good. That’s good Beth. I’m gonna be there too. For him.” The last two words come out softly and Beth knows it’s about Abraham. There was something there between those two. “Go. But don’t stay long. I’ll be here. Whistle means come back okay?”

They nod and head out and it’s warm and Beth hears birds calling to each other and maybe for just a little while they can enjoy the day.

~ 

The decision not to take a car had seemed like the best one yesterday. Maggie felt like walking would be okay, and if they had to run, she’d run. Whatever decision her and Glenn had come to regarding her condition and how far she was willing to push it was their business. Daryl didn’t feel it was his place to say much, but watching Maggie now he wishes he’d said more. It’s obvious this is harder on her than she thought. The trip itself had been mostly uneventful. They’d encountered a few walkers in the woods and one on the road, but nothing they couldn’t handle. 

“Gonna find a car or something to take back.” Daryl glances at Glenn and sees the relief in his eyes. Maggie’s a force to be reckoned with. She probably pushed and Glenn had most likely relented. Daryl understood that. He had his own Greene girl to contend with. But sometimes you just had to stand up to them. As tiny as Beth was, Daryl sometimes felt like he was facing down a hurricane.

“I’m okay. Just tired.” Maggie breathed.

“ Mmhmm.. just the same we’re finding a vehicle.” Daryl pushed ahead and he heard Glenn chuckle.

“See it’s not just your overprotective husband.” The two of them bantered back and forth as they walked and Daryl wondered what Beth was doing. Probably something he’d disagree with. So he didn’t think to long on that and just watched the road ahead of him. Off to the right there was a small house. Old and derelict, but to his seasoned eye it had been and might still be inhabited by someone. He slowed and let the others catch up to him.

“Hang on. Think we got company.” Daryl moved back off the road and into the ditch that ran beside it. They all three watched as a man on horseback emerged from the trees behind the small house.

“That’s Morgan.” Maggie whispered. Daryl felt his heartbeat speed up. If that was Morgan then it was quite possible Carol was here too. The man had gone to find her and he looked like he was well and the sack at his side might be carrying supplies to the little house. Glenn started to step forward.

“Go easy.. “ Daryl raised his arms and gave a slight whistle. The man focused on them immediately and they came up and out of the ditch slowly so he could see them.

“Daryl? Glenn?...” He slid off the horse and tied its reins to the front gate and approached them in the road. The smile on his face was genuine and he opened his arms to Maggie. “You’re here?” When his eyes met Daryl’s he read the question waiting there and nodded towards the house. “She’s there. She’s good. Stubborn, but good.”

Daryl didn’t wait for the others, his focus was on the little house and his heart beating so hard he felt like it was gonna burst out of his chest. He hadn’t not thought of Carol. He’d just put her in the back of his mind, because there were only so many things he could handle at once and there had been so much, there still was. And he knew that she could take care of herself. She’d made the decision to go and he respected that. But she was here now.

The gate squeaked as he opened it and he heard the front door and then she was standing there. He looked at her for a second before he closed the distance, jogging to meet her in the doorway. She laughed as she wrapped her arms around him.

“Ya left?” He can feel a whole bunch of emotions just below the surface. 

“I had to.” She moves back and holds him at arm's length just looking at him. He didn’t understand the having to leave part until last night, some things might be worth leaving for.

“Everyone good?” He eyes her realizing she doesn’t know all that they’ve gone through and he shakes his head. 

“No. We’re here to get help. We gotta take this bastard out.”

~

They spent some time at Carol’s and brought her and Morgan up to speed on what was going on, what had happened, and what they planned on doing. Neither Carol nor Morgan stepped up and agreed to go back to Alexandria with them. It seemed like this was home for them now. Daryl realized this was their choice but with Carol it hurt somewhat.

“Bring Beth here, she can stay out of sight.” Carol starts, but Daryl was shaking his head even before she finished.

“Can’t do that. She’s gonna be with me. That’s all.” Daryl turns away from the group as if this is his final word until Maggie speaks up.

“Beth is the bait. They want to lure Negan out using her.” Daryl isn’t sure if she's actually accusing him or if she's just frustrated and tired. The expressions on Carol and Morgan’s face are similar to what they saw in the meeting at Rick’s. Shock. Plain and simple.

“Wasn’t my choice, wasn’t my idea! Your sister got that in her head.. fuckin’ Dwight! Ain’t gonna happen that way. I won’t let it and neither will Rick.” Suddenly all Daryl can think about is getting this over with, meeting with the leader and heading home. “We need ta get going, meet this Ezekiel guy.. You ain’t comin’ back with us?” Daryl has to ask. He doesn’t even look at her while he does because he already knows her answer and a part of him feels let down. The part that has learned to let people in, to depend on others, but everyone has to decide what’s best for them. 

“I’ll be here. Anyone is welcome. I just can’t.. I can’t do it anymore, what needs to be done.” That’s all she offers and it’s enough for Daryl. Maggie is in tears though and she hugs Carol and makes her promise to send word with someone if she ever decides she wants to come home. Carol nods and rests a hand on Maggie’s small belly.

“Take care of this one. Take care of everyone.” The two women hug. And Glenn moves in for a hug too.

“Daryl I can take you to him, Ezekiel. I know where he is.” Morgan says and Daryl nods in agreement. Accepting that this is what they will give, this will be their part. He feels Carol's arms around his middle and he hugs her back, tight. When he looks down into her face it seems like she might be wanting to say something, but he wants it left how it is. No more words to make things harder so he just shakes his head and steps out of her embrace. 

“It’s been good Daryl. I’ll see you again.” Carol touches his cheek and kisses his forehead and he turns and leaves the others to finish whatever they need to finish. He has to get out. None of this is easy. And he thinks that if Beth were here, just her touch would make it all a little better. Cause that’s what the people you love do, they stand beside you and weather the storm. 

~

It’s late afternoon and Beth is sitting at the kitchen table feeding Judith peaches and trying to pretend everything's okay. But with Daryl gone and Maggie gone it really isn’t okay. Michonne got wind of the fact that they were outside the walls and she came and joined them. She did her best not to let her face show what she was really feeling and she even gave Enid a few pointers on her aim. But she didn’t let them stay out. She came to bring them in. Beth knew that when she saw the other woman coming through the trees. They wrapped it up and went back in. Beth had said little to Michonne about it, not wanting to sound like a brat, which is what she was feeling like in that moment. 

“Do you know what he’d do to me, if anything happened?” Michonne said lightly  
from where she was leaning on the island.

“I don’t need a babysitter.” Beth cringed inside because this was exactly what she didn’t want to sound like.

“No you don’t. And I’m not babysitting, just being the voice of reason. I get it. You’re frustrated and nervous. Don’t you think I feel it too?! Rick is out there and whenever any of us is out there and the others are left behind it’s this way. You know that. I just think it’s our responsibility to take precautions for the ones who are coming home, so we can be here when they get here.” Michonne walks over and sits beside her and the baby. “We need to be here. That’s our job right now.” Judith giggles and hold a peach slice out for Michonne.

“Okay. I know. We’re here.” Beth watches the woman interact with the baby and can’t help but smile. Footsteps from upstairs alert them to the fact that Carl and Enid have left their post on the roof. Carl took to sitting up there sometimes when he wasn’t on watch, especially at times when his dad or Michonne were outside the walls. Beth knows it’s his way of dealing with things. And you can’t begrudge a person for finding ways to cope.

“Gates opening. I think it’s dad coming back.” He is out the door before Michonne and Beth can even react, Enid on his heels. Beth scoops up Judith.

“Let’s go see what’s going on baby girl.. How about that?” She glances at Michonne to confirm that this is ok and the three of them head out to meet Rick.

~

The Kingdom is a farce. Daryl does his best to keep his mouth shut and his expression neutral, but he can’t believe what he’s seeing. It’s like everybody is playing dress up. Sure they have a lot of really good things going on. There are animals and gardens and people have shelter. There’s a sense of community, but it’s insanity. The reality of it settles heavy on Daryl’s shoulders. He had hoped they’d find soldiers here, fighters who will be able to stand with them against Negan. Maybe this is why Negan had gotten as far as he has. He really is dealing with people who are weaker and scared. Morgan is watching Daryl, has been since they walked in this place.

“I know what it looks like Daryl. But it works,” Morgan says. 

“I bet. Cause these people do whatever Negan tells ‘em. Eventually he’ll destroy ‘em.” Daryl knows it isn’t fair to be angry at Morgan, no reason to be angry at anyone. This is just the way it is. And it needs to be changed.

“We need soldiers. People who can fight.” Maggie has been watching as close as Daryl has. So she doesn’t miss the way Morgan’s mouth tightens at the word fight. “Whatever your beliefs are Morgan, these people need to learn to defend themselves even it if means killing. You only get to choose for yourself.”

Ain’t that the truth, Daryl thinks. He’s dumbfounded by the idea that killing doesn’t need to be an option. Sometimes killing is the only option. He’d never put those he loves at risk. All life is not precious, not when they are a threat. Morgan doesn’t have response for Maggie, he just continues on and leads them into an auditorium. Daryl has to shake his head when Morgan meets a man at the door and says, ‘May we have audience with the King?’ Daryl looks over at Maggie and Glenn and they look just as bewildered as Daryl feels. He has a sick feeling this whole trip is going to end up a big waste of time.

~

The news Rick brings back from the Hilltop has Beth feeling like they can do this, they can get rid of Negan. The community is on board and Jesus will have a group ready and waiting when the time comes.

“We talked about how we could make it happen, with you and Daryl. Dwight thinks it’s long shot but he gets it. And he’ll go along with whatever we decide.” Rick rubs his beard and picks up an apple slice. He’d brought a bag back with him from the Hilltop and Michonne cut a couple of them up. Beth nods and picks up Judith’s apple slice for the third time. The baby loves the apples, but she’s having a hard time holding on to it. 

“I’m gonna go upstairs.. Just for a..” It’s getting late and Rick is already back and she can’t help but wonder where Daryl, Maggie and Glenn are. It’ll be dark soon. Her face must have given her away, she isn’t good at hiding her feelings, especially when it comes to Daryl.

“Going out on the roof?” Rick asks gently. Beth just looks back at him and bites her lip. “He’s coming back Beth. They had a lot more to do and see. It’s gonna be okay.” Rick reaches over and lays his hand on hers. She does her best to give him a smile, but it’s small and she knows it’s not very convincing. Then she slips away, up the stairs and into her room. Her window happens to have roof access too, she just never thought about using it the way Carl has recently started using his. She scrambles up the slope of the roof and sidles across the shingles to the peak. This is where he sits and watches and it’s perfect. She breathes in the cool air and she can see over the walls and far off into the distance. No wonder he comes here, it’s a whole different world. It’s higher than their highest lookout post, above everything. The world is still a beautiful place even though it has changed drastically. An apocalypse, the fall of everything, the dead walking around, and yet it seems like this is normal. More normal than her memories of watching TV with her family, going to school or the mall. The sun is beginning to set and the sky is all pinks and purples and she remembers her science teacher telling the class that the only reason a sunset is red and orange is because of pollution. Without it we’d see a very different sunset in areas that are heavily populated. And Beth thinks that maybe he was right. She is trying to think back to the last time she saw a sunset that left the sky the color of blood. It’s been awhile. But it’s still beautiful. All of it. Nature hasn’t changed, it’s just taking over, taking back what it lost to men.

Way out on one of the main roads that runs into Alexandria, Beth sees a very dim set of headlights. The fact that there are headlights leads Beth to believe that it’s them. It’s Daryl coming home. Anyone trying to sneak up on them wouldn’t use headlights. Possibly not even a car. She watches for a few more seconds and when she hears Sasha’s shrill whistle she makes her way back inside. She doesn’t even stop to tell Rick and Michonne, just calls over her shoulder as she runs out the front door.

“They’re coming. I saw a car.”

Sasha is already at the gate tugging it open and the car pulls off into the grass and weeds where the old watch tower went down. Beth isn’t running yet, but she’s watching closely, ready to take a headcount of the three, yes there are three people, who left and have now returned. She sees his shaggy head and the outline of the crossbow in the dwindling light and she is running now. Which is ridiculous. He was gone for what 12 hours? She doesn't care if she looks like a crazy person, he’s back and that's all that matters to her right now and she’s out the gate and crashing into him where he stands and she hears the umpf! and feels his exhalation on her head.

“Damn girl, I’m gonna have to leave more often if this is the homecoming I get.” His growl is a welcome sound in her ear and his smile when he cups her face in his hands makes her want to cry. Daryl rarely shows her outright affection when other people are around unless he’s upset. This, his hands on her face, his smile and the soft kiss he brushes on her lips is proof that he’s just as crazy as she is. 

“I’m sorry! I just.. I don’t feel right when you aren’t with me.” It’s quiet and she knows that all eyes are probably on them so she loosens her grip intending to step away, give him a little space, but he wraps his arm around her and pulls her close and starts walking towards the gate.

“Me neither.” If it’s actually possible to still feel bliss, then Beth is feeling that right now. Even the giggles coming from Carl and Glenn can’t bring her down.

“I’m feeling the urge to read a romance novel? Our library have any of those?” Sasha too?

“Y’all shut the hell up.” Daryl calls over his shoulder. He gives Beth a little wink as Rick joins them. “Don’t even think about it Grimes.” Rick holds his hands up in mock surrender.

“I’m not saying anything. But can I borrow your rag.. I’m feeling a little misty eyed.” Daryl forges ahead practically dragging Beth along. She realizes that it’s all in good fun, but thinks Daryl may be at his limit.

“Ignore them. How was it, the Kingdom?” Beth asks trying to change the subject.

“Was a damn joke. All make believe with a King and knights.. Jesus Beth I wish you coulda seen it.” They climbed the porch stairs and waited for the others. “Saw Carol though. She’s okay. Morgan too.”

“They aren’t coming back?” Beth asked. Daryl chewed on his thumb nail and shook his head. Beth could see how much this was bothering him. She slipped her hand in his and squeezed gently as the rest of the group joined them.

“Glenn and Maggie seem to think the Kingdom is a lost cause. What about you?” Rick looked pointedly at Daryl.

“Man we got a lot ta talk about!” They could talk all night if they wanted to. Beth was just thankful they were all back under one roof for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again.. thank you for reading this!! And commenting and just being very cool people all around!!


	20. War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter wasn't easy! My knowledge of hand to hand combat is limited! The focus of this story is not supposed to be on that anyway, but it's here and I apologize in advance for the mistakes I'm sure you'll find! There is one more chapter to this and then I am wrapping it up. It's been a journey as they all are, but it's time to end it. I totally appreciate all the comments and kudos!! They make writing this so rewarding! So here it is.. I hope it doesn't fall short of anyone's expectations!!

Talk continued until the early hours of the morning. Disappointment hung over the group like a bad omen. Daryl said it like he saw it. He didn’t pretend to think this was going to work. At least not as it stood. They were unsure of the Kingdom and what the people there had to offer. King Ezekiel, Daryl felt ridiculous addressing a man in that manner, but he did it if only to show how absurd he felt the Kingdom was, Ezekiel believed that what he was doing was best for his people.

“He’s a lot of talk. I think that underneath that crazy facade he realizes things are bad and will only get worse. I think he heard us Daryl. We just need to give them time,” Glenn said looking over at Daryl.

“Ain’t got time. What happens when he comes back and we ain’t got enough? Who's he gonna kill next?” What happens if he finds out about Beth? Daryl didn’t voice this, but he was thinkin’ it, it had been all he could think about. He felt Beth slide in closer to him, rest her small hand on his thigh and the anger and frustration that had been simmering just under the surface since stepping foot in the Kingdom was calmed by her presence. He knew what she’d say.. getting mad isn’t going to help, we need to focus.

“We’ll get back in touch with Jesus tomorrow. Regroup and figure something out. Maybe I should go to the Kingdom too.” Rick yawned, his jaw popping loudly. He shook himself and looked around at the others. And Daryl saw that look, the one that said, defeat doesn’t come easily anymore, he’d seen it when they dealt with the governor. “This isn’t gonna stop here. And I’ve been thinkin’, what Negan said, about keeping an eye out for, well you.” Rick looked at Beth. “He doesn’t know you have any ties to us or he would have used that as leverage for something. I think he just said it to continue to make himself seem like he’s got all the power. That he handles it when people fuck him over.” Daryl felt that anger again and he shook his head.

“Don’t matter! He’s lookin’, said he was, for whatever reason.” Daryl growled.

“I know man! I just don’t think-” Rick started. The expression on his face infuriates Daryl.

“Ya gonna go with a feelin’ now? So Negan isn’t lookin’ fer her, maybe Dwight's using us to get what he wants. Ya ever thought about that? We wan ‘em dead, sure. But so does that little prick! I tolja.. I… She comes first. Before anyone, anythin’ else. ‘S gonna be her.” His throat aches, he’s holding back. Cause he could rip into all of them and make this into something it doesn’t need to be. He can feel himself shaking and when he glances over at her, she’s all blue eyes and tears and that kicks any resolve he has to jump up and pound someone right in the ass. He wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her in tight to his chest. 

“Daryl..” It’s just a whisper, but even so it’s his name on her lips and that does things to him. Always. He chances a look around the room and everyone is silent, but their eyes are all on him and Beth. Rick’s too.

“And I told you, I’ll send you both away before I let anything happen, Daryl, man we protect our family.” Rick is staring at him and Daryl nods. Cause that’s all he can do. If he speaks he’s gonna lose it and everyone is watching and all he really wants to do is run. Which is frankly, becoming a worn out theme in his life. What the hell is he gonna run from? Everything he has that’s good? He takes a deep breath and nods again, feels Beth shift in his arms.

“So we don’t need to use her as bait. She can stay here with me, she can..” This from Maggie, but it’s interrupted by a yawn and Glenn looking overprotective and concerned.

“Come on Mags.. Let’s go home. You need to rest. We’ll figure it out.” 

“We’re all tired. We need to sleep and meet again in the morning.” Rick stands and he’s still watching Daryl and Daryl sees the odd expression on his face. Like he’s looking at something he’s never seen before and he’s having a hard time believing it’s real. Everyone is heading out and Maggie reaches out and squeezes Beth’s hand and smiles at him. Another weird look. Once it’s only Rick and Michonne left in the room with them Daryl glares at Rick.

“Wha’? Why ya lookin’ at me like that?”

He’s sitting on the floor with Beth, in front of the window where he sat the first night they came to Alexandria. He didn’t want to be there then. He didn’t want to be anywhere. He was lost and only moving forward because he had to or people would start in with the questions and concerns and he didn’t want that, couldn’t handle that then. All he had wanted, well all he had wanted back then is curled up beside him now.

“Nothin’ it’s nothin’. There’s never been a doubt in my mind that you’d stand beside me, do what needed to be done for the group. You’ve always done that, you’ve always been a good man. So this..” He gestures to Beth and the two of them on the floor. “You deserve to have this and it looks good on you.” He turns and walks away, leaving Daryl at a loss for words and a scowl on his face.

Michonne pointed at him from across the room. 

“You know it’s true.. you know, cause me and you, we’re a lot alike Dixon.” She turned and followed Rick up the stairs.

“What the hell was that?” he grumbled. But he knows, deep down he gets it. This whole thing, this life he’s built started out with him and his brother planning to rob a camp full of scared survivors blind. But somehow the world tilted on its fuckin’ axis and instead of robbing them, he gave them all he could, all he had to give. Himself. And the amazing thing was, they accepted him.

“That was your family.” Beth said sleepily snuggling against him. 

“Ain’t done nothin’ any the rest of ‘em wouldn’t… ain’t nothin’ special..” He feels her soft laughter and he growls down deep in his chest.

“You ain’t standing on the right side to see it like they do, like I do. Did you ever have something to fight for in your life before the dead started walking?” It’s a cruel question, but coming from her, he knows she doesn’t mean it to come off like that.

“Dunno, pack a smokes, a dirty look, my brother, sometimes.” He curled a tendril of her hair around his big calloused finger and he flet his chest constrict.

“And now?” She asked softly.

“Hell woman! Why ya gotta-”

“Just answer the question Daryl.” Beth was tired, he could hear it in her voice. He could feel it in the way she held herself against him. So he would give her this.

“People. These people, my people. And..” He squirmed in his spot on the floor. “You.”

“Me.. that’s my blessing too. I think what he means is the world didn’t treat you very kindly before, shoulda, but it didn’t. Yet here you are giving everything you’ve got for everyone else. And now.. well now you have something that you didn’t before. Cause you're a good man Daryl. And you deserve to have something worth fighting for. Okay?” She had turned in his arms and looked at him with a look of determination in her eyes and if he shrugged this off there’d be hell to pay.

“Okay.” It was worth it. Not grumbling. Cause she smiled and even though they were standing on the edge of war, one that could devastate them, her smile gave him hope.

“Let’s go to bed Daryl.”

* * *

Morning came too soon. Her head had barely touched the pillow and tn the room was filled with sunlight, still weak but a wake up call just the same. Beside her the bed was empty. Had been for awhile because the sheets were cool to the touch. She dressed and hurried downstairs. Rick and Michonne were already up, finishing off breakfast.

“Hear from anyone yet?” she asked. There was bread on the counter and apples they’d brought back from the Kingdom. Beth took one and smiled at Judith in her highchair picking at scrambled eggs.

“Not yet. I won’t wait long, I'll head-” Rick was interrupted by Carl yelling from the front door.

“Dad you gotta come see this!” He skidded into the kitchen and he was smiling and shaking his head. “There’s knights, in riot gear.. on horses. Oh man…” Rick followed him out the front door. Michonne took Judith from the highchair.

“The Kingdom.” Michonne smirked at Beth. “Come on, might as well see for yourself.”

“Where’s Daryl?” Beth asked as they headed down the street.

“He said he was gonna go just outside the walls and try and get some small game to leave with the ones who stay behind.” Michonne explained and Beth couldn’t help the small smile that caused. After their talk last night. He was doing it, taking care of his. Michonne smiled back at her, didn’t say anything, just smiled. And Beth knew the other woman was thinking the same thing.

There were in fact two knights on horses coming in the gate. Beth laughed out loud. The absurdity of it all made her feel good. It was crazy, but in a good way. She skipped ahead and moved in close to the horses. Their noses were like velvet in her hand and the one closest to her nickered and tried taking the apple she held in her other hand.

“Found something sweet didn’tcha boy.” She scratched his behind his ear and held the apple up on her palm and let the horse take a big bite. The boy riding him, because that’s really all he was, gave her a huge grin.

“You just made a friend for life,’ he said winking at Beth. She pretended not to notice and instead watched as Daryl approached the gate, two squirrels tied to his belt. She could see him shaking his head in disbelief as he joined them. “I can give you a ride if you want,” the boy said and his cheeks turned pink. Michonne tittered next to her and Daryl huffed out a laugh.

“She ain’t going for no ride!” He growled and the boy looked startled and nervous.

“Um, ok. I.. uh.” He stammered and then finally just shut up.

“It’s safer than your motorcycle Daryl.” Beth teased. She rubbed the horse's neck and looked over her shoulder at Daryl whose cheeks weren’t red from embarrassment, but something else entirely.

“Ya? But I’m driving.” He moved in beside her, one hand at the small of her back. Staking his claim Beth thought and it made her want to laugh out loud again, but she controlled the urge to do so knowing it would only irritate Daryl more.

“Touch his nose Daryl, he’s so soft!” She grabbed his hand and purposely moved her backside right up against him, pulling him in close and laying his hand on the horse's nose.  
The horse nuzzled him playfully and Beth giggled and leaned in close to his ear. “Horses got a sixth sense, they know good people Daryl.” The tiny curl of his lip, beginnings of a smile and all she’d get right then.

“Uh huh..” She saw him glance up at the kid and give him one of his death stares and then he laced his fingers through hers and they stepped back from the horse.

“You have word from Ezekiel?” Rick asked.

“The King sends his regards and would like to let you know that he has men and women who are ready to join forces with you and fight the Saviors.” The formality of the other young man’s tone hushed them all.

“Ok. Well that’s good news then.” Rick smiled up at them.

“We will be joining you too.” The younger boy said and he puffed out his chest a little. Beth noticed Daryl noticing this.

“That right? Y’all better leave them horses at home. Anythin’ happens to them, well I can’t be responsible for what she does.” Daryl nudged Beth and she felt his body shake with pent up laughter. Daryl was teasing this kid cause he was jealous. She smacked his arm away. From the expression on the kid's face he was scared of Daryl.

Rosita shouted from the lookout. “We got company coming. Trucks. Two of them. They look like the ones from the Hilltop, but I’m not sure.” Daryl and Rick immediately armed themselves and stepped towards the gate. Glenn and Carl followed suite. Maggie took Judith and moved back towards the houses.

“You have weapons?” Michonne asked the knights. 

“No we, our staffs, but..” his voice sounded weak watching the woman shake her head, her dreads brushing her cheeks. She stepped around them and pulled a pistol from her hip.

“Just back off a little, away from the gate. It’s probably fine, but just get the horses away.” Beth pulled out her own gun and stood a few steps behind the others watching closely as the trucks made their way up to the gate. She noticed Jesus in the passenger side of the first one and relaxed a little.

The gate was pulled open and both trucks entered. Jesus hopped out first thing. He eyed the knights and looked at Rick.

“The Kingdom is with us?” he asked. Rick nodded at him. “Good, but we have a problem.”

Dwight had left Hilltop sometime during the night without saying anything to Jesus. Beth met Daryl’s eyes and was at his side. He laid a hand on the small of her back. Beth had learned over time that this wasn’t just Daryl being protective, it as also how he calmed himself down. Or at least tried. 

“Wha’ the hell does that mean? He back out?” Daryl growled. Jesus was shaking his head. He held up his hands.

“I don’t think so. I know he was worried he was gone too long, that Negan’d send Saviors looking for him.” But Jesus’ expression said it all. He wasn’t sure why the other man had left and he didn’t like it anymore than Daryl and Rick did.

“Then were going in tonight. We weren’t gonna use Beth anyway. That’s what we were gonna tell you and Dwight. Too risky. It’s not worth it.” Rick glanced at Beth and she gave him a small nod.

“Damn fuckin’ straight it ain’t!” Daryl was shaking, Beth felt it and she breathed his name softly so that only he could hear, well Rick and Jesus heard it to and they watched as Daryl composed himself.

“I was going to talk to you about that this morning too. I wasn’t comfortable putting her out there either. It would never be with it. So I am with you there Daryl.” The two men shared a moment of eye contact before Jesus looked to Rick. 

“So if they don’t need you Bethy, you can stay here. With me.” Beth heard the question in that and she sighed because she knew what Maggie wanted, she just wanted Beth safe, but safety wasn’t guaranteed anywhere anymore. 

“Do I even get a say? I know it’s for the best and I wasn’t keen on the idea. But I would’ve. If it was the only way. And you’re all talking over me like I’m not even here. Did it last night too! I’m a part of this too dammit!” Beth had stepped away from Daryl, her hands fisted at her sides. There was complete, awkward, silence. How soon they forgot that she basically fought her way out of the factory and back to them. She knows they mean well, but she isn’t weak. She’s strong and she’s here and they need to remember that. Something in Daryl’s eyes gives her pause.

“Ya are. Ain’t gonna change how I feel. Yer one of the strongest people I know. Yer also my girl.” Okay he gets it. She sees that and she knows for the most part it’s a battle she can choose with Daryl. Everyone else needs to remember she isn’t little Beth Greene from the farm anymore. She meets Rick’s gaze and she sees a little of what she saw in Daryl’s, maybe pride? And even Maggie, although she looks scared, gives Beth a small smile.

“Maggie I’m going with Dary. I’ll wear a disguise, something, but I’m going.” Beth said tiredly. She expected an outburst, resistance of some kind, but Maggie just nodded, her eyes filled with tears. The people she needed most to trust in her strength we’re doing just that.

“Let’s do this,” Jesus said. He was looking at Beth in a strange way and it made her feel uncomfortable. It was like he was seeing her for the first time. And maybe he was. That was a good thing, weird, but good. The others, Tara, Rosita and Eugene, they hadn’t known her before so they had no idea how much it meant to her to be treated like a part of the group. A part that could and would fight. She moved over by Maggie and took Judith from her and then she held her sister’s hand.

“How many people do you have?” Rick asked. 

“Got thirty on the trucks right now. There were more that wanted to come but Gregory was throwing a fit. Another group of fifteen will head out tonight. I’ll send word back where to find us. We need a rendezvous point for the Kingdom and then we can talk tactics with all of ours.” Jesus turned to the knights and Rick joined in the conversation. Some of the others moved in closer to hear what was said. Beth looked over to where she’d left Daryl.

“We’ll go gather up the rest of the community and meet you guys at the church.” She told him. He didn’t respond, but he watched as she walked away. She felt his eyes on her and she knew he’d probably never be comfortable letting her be in any kind of danger, but that was a feeling they both shared and unfortunately it would probably always be like that, as long as they were in danger.

* * *

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Daryl just wanted it all to be over. He wanted to be on the other side of all of what they were facing right now and he wanted his family with him and safe. Even though the plans had changed and they were going into this completely unknowing of what waited, it felt right. They had allies. Even the Kingdom had come through. The numbers made them stronger and that gave them confidence.

They’d gone over the plan, the general plan as it was, because nothing ever went exactly according to the plan. Beth stood across the church next to Maggie and Father Gabriel and Daryl had tried to avoid it, but his eyes kept sliding in her direction. He’d quickly looked away when she caught him to first two times. But the third time he’d given her a sheepish smile and shrugged his shoulders. She shook her head and returned the smile. He knew what she as trying to say earlier, and she knew where his heart was too, he knew that. This was never going to be easy. Partly because it was him and he was still learning how to actually love another person and let them love him, and partly because it was life. 

When everything had been gone over in numerous ways and there was nothing else that could possibly be said that would change anything, the group started thinning out. Father Gabriel would be left “in charge” at Alexandria, and for once Daryl didn’t feel a bit concerned about that. His biggest concern, and he was trying his hardest not to let the fact that it was even a concern consume him, was Beth.

“Stop it Daryl.” He felt her before she even said anything. And although she kept her voice low he automatically glanced around the room to see if anyone else had heard her admonition. 

“Ain’t doing nothin’ Beth.” He looked her in the eyes, didn’t flinch when he saw the tears there. Didn’t move when she slipped her arms around him and laid her head on his chest.

“Yeah but you’re thinking, I see it.” She murmurs this into his shirt and her breath seeps through the fabric, warm and soft against his skin.

“Man can’t think ‘bout things?” He gently moved her back so he could look at her, again. For some reason he feels the need to make eye contact when usually he’d avoid it. He’s learning that not everything uncomfortable needs to avoided though. 

“I know where your head’s going. Don’t go there. We’re going out there to put an end this and then..” Beth attempts to step back in, closer to him, but his hands are still wrapped around her upper arms and he holds her back. It about kills him to do it, but he does.

“An’ then? We gonna throw a party? Shoot off fireworks?” He’s being sarcastic and it’s uncalled for he knows this, but he’s scared and instead of just saying it he is being an ass. 

“Then we live. Don’t be a jerk just cause you’re afraid Daryl.” She yanks her arms from his grip and comes right back in, against him, arms wound around him and without even hesitating he wraps his arms around her tightly, maybe a little too tightly and he whispers against her hair.

“Ain’t afraid of nothin’.”

“Liar.”

* * *

Under the cover of darkness small groups of 5 to 10 people head out of Alexandria on foot. The last group will bring the trucks and leave them in case they need a quick getaway or just vehicles for some other reason. Beth tugs the black beanie down tighter over her head and shivers. She’s wearing her knife and gun. As well as a shotgun and it’s a good thing she’s stronger than she’s ever been physically because this stuff is heavy, but there’s no doubt in her mind that she can use it, all of it when the time comes. Everyone is carrying to some degree. The weapons vary and there are even grenades dispersed amongst them. There are more on the trucks, but maybe they won’t need them. Maybe this will go off without a hitch.

And maybe the walkers will all lay down and peacefully surrender to that quiet sleep that they are on the cusp of. She doesn’t think she’s lost faith, not completely, she just isn’t sure where her faith lies anymore, but she holds a little prayer in her heart that this will go in their favor.

 

It’s chaos from the moment the first shots echo through the woods, Beth knows where they are. Even in the dark, it’s like revisiting an old nightmare. She ran through these woods scared and injured, hiding wherever she could while she was still being followed by Savior's after escaping the factory. That feels like another life, but it’s all coming back as they are met head on by those Saviors she ran so hard to get away from. It’s dark and impossible to keep track of everyone. She has one eye on Daryl and the other on the trees, the shadows, watching for anything and wondering how they are gonna be able to tell the difference between enemy and foe. Rick calls out to Daryl, it’s not loud, but she can’t make it all out even though they are right in front of her. It’s something about Negan being tipped off and then the tree behind them explodes as gun fire rips through it. Daryl reaches for her hand and with their heads down they move out and around and back again. Weaving. It’s like tag, keep the other guy wondering, or it’s a dance and Rick is leading and they follow sticking close together. Whatever it is it seems to be working because as far as she can tell, they’re pushing the Saviors back. It can’t be a big group. Maybe Negan underestimated them. Maybe they can do this! Hope is blessing and a curse.

It all falls apart when Daryl is suddenly gone. Just gone. She hears yelling and can make out his voice and she heads in that direction, but an arm around her waist holds her back and she feels warm breath on her neck and Rick is talking to her, but her chest feels tight and she knows that Daryl is right there just a few feet away, if she could just see him.

“Let me go Rick!“ She’s carrying too many damn things on and her struggle is futile. It’s also dark. Very dark.

“Beth.. Beth! No. Stay back, come with me we’ll go around. I think he spotted Dwight.” His voice is hoarse and when he reaches for her arm she pushes the rifle back over her shoulder and holds on to him, tripping over things she can’t see in the dark. Her focus is gone. It went away into the dark woods wrapped in leather wings. 

The gun fire is dying out. Shouts are heard far off in the distance. The fight is dwindling down to nothing. There are others, their own, standing at the ready, waiting, but it looks like the fight is over for now. Beth shuffles behind Rick half tempted to drop everything she has an just run.

“RIck, where.. where is he?” She’s finding it hard to catch her breath and a scream has lodged itself in her throat and it’s taking everything she has not to just let it go. But she’s thinking of him and not drawing attention because he’s gotta be just a little ways ahead, just..

Jesus is suddenly there beside them. Beth isn’t sure where he came from, she isn’t sure or anything anymore except for the fact that Daryl is gone and they need to look for him. He’s talking to Rick, Gregory made it to the Sanctuary before nightfall. He outed them, but he underestimated their numbers and the Saviors were unprepared. The majority of them were taken out with very little casualties of their own. He mentions Dwight and that brings Beth back. 

“Dwight found me, he was trying to warn us but it was already too late.” 

“Daryl went after Dwight, I lost him! Is he still with him? Did you see-” Before Jesus can even responded there are voices from the shadows.

“Jesus? That you? We got Dwight here.”

Two of the Hilltop men are crouched over a body. When they get closer Beth’s recognizes Dwight. He’s laying on the forest floor and he doesn’t look good at all and she has to stop her mind from conjuring up the same image of Daryl somewhere out there.

“He alive?” Rick asks kneeling beside Dwight’s body. It’s so dark and the flashlight one man has in his hand makes it hard to see anything but what’s right in front of them. Squatting down next to Rick she watched Dwight’s chest barely rise and fall as he breathes.

“Yep. Don’t know what happened. Shots were fired though and a couple went down. One just over there,” the man pointed off to his right. “Nuther un was drug away. Had ta have been one of ours.” He wiped his face and squinted at Rick and Beth in the weak light from his flashlight. “We took most a theirs out though.” 

Rick reaches out puts pressure on Dwight’s shoulder, shaking the man gently.

“Dwight. Dwight, what happened? Did you see Daryl?”

“Yeah, he found me, asshole sucker punched me.” He’s coughing and having a hard time talking and it’s then that Beth notices he’s bleeding heavily from his left side. 

“He’s bleeding Rick!” Beth points to the pool of blood underneath his body.

“Did Daryl..” Rick asked Dwight.

“Nah, he finally listened. Saviors did this.” Dwight groaned and Beth felt helpless beside him.

“Do you know where Daryl is?” Beth reached for the man’s shirt and felt tears well up in her eyes. Dwight didn’t say anything, but he shook his head slightly. “Dwight please..” Beth felt herself losing the battle against the desperation she’d felt earlier and Rick must have sensed this too.

“Come on man, anything!” Rick gently pulled Beth back and away from Dwight and leaned down into his face.

“He went down- I don’t know. It’s dark man, I couldn’t see.” Dwight coughed again and little flecks of blood coated his lips.

“He needs help. Think your guys can get him back to the Kingdom?” Rick looked over Jesus. Beth stood up and started slowly moving towards the trees. She could go out and look, just a little ways out.

“Maybe, we can look around for Daryl or-” 

“Beth, wait, we’ll go.” Rick was at her side again and she felt like they were wasting time. Daryl could be out there hurt or worse. Movement in the trees had her stopping in her tracks and holding her breath. Rick raised his gun as two people pushed their way through.

“Rick?” Glenn’s voice.

“Oh thank god!” Michonne pushed forward and ran to Rick. 

“You’re good?” he asked touching her face and glancing at Glenn. “Both of you?”

“We are. Most of our people are. A few injuries, but we sent them to the Kingdom, to the rendezvous point. The gunfire has attracted a lot of walker though. We’ve been fighting them off” Glenn looked at Beth and hurried over to her side. She doesn’t want anyone’s concern right now, if they’re concerned that feels like something really is wrong and nothing can be wrong. She smiles weakly at Glenn glad he’s here and ok and Michonne is here, Rick.. already she’s taking count. But he’s not here and it won’t be okay until he is.

“We can’t find Daryl. He took off-” Rick started.

“Wait a minute… Daryl! That’s it. Guy with the wings. He was with another guy, black guy I think. Didn’t look good.” This came from the other man who was kneeling next to Dwight.

She can’t feel the ground she’s standing on anymore, can’t feel the air around her or the vice grip Glenn suddenly has on her hand. The darkness has become thick and cold and that scream she was holding on to comes out in a weak, choking, gasp. 

“What the hell?” Michonne breathes. “Is he-” But she cuts her eyes to Beth and doesn't finish that thought.

“No. we don’t know that.” Rick moves in and gets ahold of Beth and looks to the others. “We need to get out of here, get her somewhere safe. Especially if there are more walkers are out there.” They just keep talking about her in the third person like she’s a child or she’s crazy which is quite possible.

“No Rick. No. He might still be out there. We gotta look. He might..“ Now she’s fighting, twisting in Rick’s arms, getting tangled in the stupid weapons she didn’t even need cause if she had she would have used them to keep him safe or, “Lemme go, just let..” But Rick’s not letting up and he’s managed to get the rifle off of her and hand it to Michonne and he’s pulled her in tight against him, squeezing the screams and the breath right out of her.

“We don’t know nothing Beth. We don’t….” His voice is harsh and she is so far gone that she can’t hear the fear there. And he’s shaking too against her.

“I know where we can go. Carol isn’t far. We can keep looking Beth, this is Daryl we’re talking about. You know what he’s capable of.. Come on. It’s gonna be OK.” Glenn is always the voice of reason even when the reason isn’t what she wants to hear, but she’ll go if it means they can still look for Daryl.

“I’ll go with these guys. We’ll touch base in the morning then.” Jesus and the Hilltop men get a hold of Dwight’s body and Beth finds herself hoping that he makes it, that somehow he’s okay. People aren’t all bad, the world they live in now just forces them to make choices that sometimes turn out to be bad.

* * *

They head out, but don’t find Daryl, they don’t find anything and it doesn’t matter how much she cries and begs him, how much she fights until he has to take all her weapons off her, Rick isn’t listening. They need to look a little further out, she just has a feeling, but they’ve already made their minds up. They’re going to Carols. Fine. Eventually they will leave her alone. If she seems to have given up running away. If they think she’s going to stay.

“Come on Beth. He’s not here.” Rick tries the gentle approach. Again.

“You don’t know that!” And she keeps up the fight even though she’s worn out. Her head is pounding and a thin sheen of sweat she worked up when she was trying to wrestle her way out of Rick’s grasp has got her teeth chattering and her body shaking. It’s cold. It’s dark. And he’s just gone. But she isn’t done looking for him yet.

They arrive at Carol’s little house just as the sun has begun to turn the sky a faint pink. There are lights on and Glenn barely knocks before Carol is there looking tired, the purple under her eyes more than just a smudge and a bit bewildered. She sighs and moves aside to let them in. 

“Thank god.. Morgan said he couldn’t find anyone else.” Carol says. She sits down at a table and there’s a pitcher of water and bread and cheese spread out on it as if she has had others here already and expected more. She may have wanted to be left alone, but she won’t turn her back on them. Can’t. It makes Beth feel good in a small way.

Beth sees Morgan first. He’s on the couch and he looks tired and beaten down.

_‘He was with another guy, black guy I think.’_

Morgan’s staff, bloodied, is on floor next him. On the couch is a gun. Beth sees these things. Rick sees them too.

“You fought?” Rick asks looking at him with a kind of awe on his face. Beth is fully aware of the fact that Morgan has refused to use a gun in the past.

“I did.” Morgan nods and he isn’t looking at Rick. His eyes are on Beth. She feels something. A hum, barely there.

Rick touches the blood on the staff and Beth’s sees him pull his finger away, red. It’s still wet.

“You killed?” Rick again.

“I did. For Daryl,” Morgan says quietly his eyes still trained on Beth.

“Daryl?” No one has to tell her. It’s simple, she knows. And Morgan gives her the smallest of nods.


	21. It's Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this it. The end... I apologize for the length of this thing!! I had two stopping points, but apparently it wasn't finished.So after almost 9,000 words I finally found the actual end! Thank you so much for the reading and commenting and for the kudos and bookmarks! I write these fics because I enjoy doing it but it definitely makes it all worthwhile knowing there are people out there that enjoy reading it.

It’s morning. There’s sunlight, barely. And Beth’s shivering. Everyone is standing around her and it feels like they're frozen and she’s the only one who can move, but it’s like moving through jello. Pink jello because the sunrise is tinting the world in a pink hue, even the world here inside Carol’s little house on the outskirts of the Kingdom in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. Everything is softly pink. Morgan’s eyes are on her. He isn’t frozen. It’s a tentative gaze that frightens her.

 

“Where Morgan, where..” She hears Carol sigh and someone is shuffling behind her. The panic is threatening to come back, she feels it and she tries her best to will it away. “Where is he?” This is just a whisper and her eyes are glued to Morgan. When he lowers his gaze to his lap she hears a whimper and it sounds so much like her, was that her?

 

“He’s hurt.. He’s-” Morgan starts to stand and Rick comes up beside her, he was the one shuffling behind her and then the whimper turns to sobs and she looks frantically around the room at all of them. Later she’ll realize that this all happened within seconds, but right now it feels like time has suddenly slowed down to a snail's pace.

 

“Where is he?” She isn’t whispering anymore, she isn’t necessarily being loud either, but if someone doesn’t fix this quick she’s going to get louder. She’s thinking all this coherently while at the same time falling apart because no one seems to have an answer for her. But they know, she knows they know and they’re keeping it from her and she doesn’t understand why. Unless it’s bad, but even so she deserves to know what’s going on.

 

“Hey.” Rick’s hand’s on her shoulder and she shrugs it away, wipes the tears that are blurring her vision and takes a step forward choking on another sob. It’s ridiculous that she’s crying and she is annoyed at herself, but she can’t seem to stop now. The little house seems to have shrunk on on her, on all of them.

 

“Where’s Daryl, if he’s hurt I want to see him, I want..” There’s a loud crash and a door opens down a dark hallway that is directly in front of where Beth is standing. 

 

“Beth?!” He’s limping a little and there’s a gauze bandage wrapped around his head and blood down the front of his shirt, but he’s alive and he looks pissed as he makes his way towards her glaring at everyone as he gathers her in his arms and she leans against his chest sobbing, but she’s relieved, she’s so relieved, she runs her hands gently over him, checking, feeling for what’s there.

 

“Daryl you shouldn’t be up, your injured.” Carol reprimands him like a child and that just pisses him off more because Beth can feel him stiffen beneath her hands and she also hears the catch in his breath. He’s hurting.

 

“Why the hell she out here crying?” He’s yelling now and Beth calms herself down and rests a hand on his cheek. They all seem to realize that nothing they say is going to calm Daryl down because they remain quiet.

 

“it’s ok now Daryl, it’s ok. I was scared, couldn’t find you. I thought, I.. Come on go back and lay down.” It’s insane, and she doesn't think about this yet either, but with him here, touching him, knowing he’s alive she’s back in control and she steers him towards the bedroom.

 

“Why didn’ they tell ya? Dammit Beth!” He’s whining and she wants to laugh. She won’t though because he’s hurt and scared now too. But she’ll take grumpy, whiny Daryl over no Daryl any day. There’s a bed and bandages on a small table next to a bowl of water tinted pink again, like the sunrise, but the sun didn’t do that, it’s blood, Daryl’s blood. Beth looks away from that and helps him ease back on the bed. Carol is at the table picking things up and Daryl glances in her direction.

 

“Coulda tol’ her I was here.” Carol didn’t turn around. But she stills at the accusation in his words. Beth settles in beside him, let’s her fingers slide through his hair that’s curling up around the gauze on his head.

 

“You don’t think we were trying.” Carol gathers everything up in her arms and turns to face them. Beth can see the hurt in her eyes. And she doesn’t blame Carol. She really doesn’t blame any of them.

 

“I’m sorry I was kinda out of it, just scared, my mind was on one thing, wasn’t listening.” Beth smiled sheepishly at Carol. 

 

“Don’t you ‘pologize! Ain’t yer fault.. jesus this fuckin’ hurts!” Daryl grunts as he tries to sit up, but gives up and lays back down, his hand on his head. Carol just shakes her head and nods at Beth as she leaves the room. Ricks been watching, lingering just inside the doorway.

 

“Nothing life threatening?” he asks moving into the little room. A candle burns in a jar on the nightstand. 

 

“Nah. I went after Dwight. He tol’ me though..” Daryl grits his teeth and Beth can see him balling the sheet in his fist. “Saviors did this, they came after Dwight and got me too.” Daryl’s eyes are closed and he’s taking small shallow breaths. “Got me in the head with a gun, kicked me around a little. Ain’t nothin..” 

 

“More than nothin’.. You’re hurting Daryl.” Beth glances up at Rick and he squats down by where she’s sitting on the bed with Daryl. 

 

“We’ll talk more later. Figure this out. Rest now. That’s what we’re gonna do,” Rick says as he lays his hand on top of Daryl’s. Beth sees his jaw tense and the moisture in his eyes. “I’m glad your still here, I’m.. yeah.” He voice is soft and Daryl opens his eyes and watches as he stands up.

 

“We’re going in. Tonight. Finish this,” Daryl says as Rick’s walking away.

 

“You sure you’re up for it? We can manage..” Rick will go in alone, won’t expect anything of Daryl if he’s hurt. But Daryl, it’s gonna take more than a bump on the head and some bruised ribs to keep him down. Beth could ask him not to go, to just lay low, but she won’t put that on him, not right now. 

 

“Course. Ain’t lettin’ ya go without me though.” 

 

“Alright brother. Get some rest then.” His eyes flick to Beth’s and he smiles at her. “You too.” The door clicks as he pulls it shut behind him.

 

Her attention is back on Daryl and he’s looking at her with those beautiful blue eyes that she doesn’t think she will ever get tired of looking into. She feels so much right then. A sob escapes her lips and she lays her hand the scruff of his cheek. Since she came back she’s been seeing more of Daryl’s vulnerable side. The side she had a glimpse into when they were out there together after the prison. He had started letting her in then and he’s been slowly letting her in ever since she came back.

 

“ ‘M sorry Beth, I saw ‘em an I jus’...” Daryl cups his hand over hers and turns his mouth into her palm and presses a kiss into it. “I left ya, fuck.. I left ya and I swore I wouldn’.”

 

She wants to say it’s okay, but her throat is tight and she can’t even catch her breath. Her sobs have turned into hiccups and she’s embarrassed at the way she’s acting. And maybe, to be honest, it’s not completely okay. She gets it, but he disappeared and she couldn’t find him and he should’ve stayed, he just should’ve.

 

“Why did you Daryl-” she chokes out. It’s probably not fair, he’s hurt and what’s done is done, there’s since putting guilt on him. But if she says it, let’s it go, it’ll leave her alone. “You were just gone.” 

 

“C’me’re.” He stretches his arm out inviting her to lay with him. She hesitates for a second before she gently crawls up beside him and settles with her head on his chest.

 

“It’s alway gonna be hard isn’t it?” she says softly. Because it is. She hopes it never gets easier, at least the feelings part. They could definitely do with the world getting a little safer. That would be a good thing. But she always wants to feel this deep aching love for him.

 

“Mmhmm...” He tightens his arms around her and his breath hitches. She sighs and runs a hand up his chest, taking comfort in his heart beating strong under his ribs.

 

“You do that again Dixon and I’m just gonna follow you, don’t ask me not to.” Her voice is quiet, but firm. Because she means this.

 

“Next time I ain’ gonna let go.”  Ok. That’s something. 

 

* * *

 

How he’s able to sleep he doesn’t know. Not with the enormity of what they are going to attempt again tonight weighing heavy on his mind. Maybe it’s because Beth is curled up beside him, as close as she can get. One leg twined around his. A hand slid up underneath his shirt resting warm over his heart. His body aches from the beating the night before. Although It really wasn’t much of a beating, Morgan was there and when it got bad, or what the other man thought was bad, he ended it and by that time they were so far out into the woods, away from the fighting and the others, blood covering Daryl’s face, that they just kept going and Morgan had brought him to Carol’s.za

 

Carol took him in, cleaned him up, but he saw the look in her eyes. That look people get when the past comes home and they had hoped they wouldn’t be found. Daryl knows she doesn’t want to have to do this anymore. She left the letter and then Alexandria. She told him the last time he was here in this little house that she can’t do it anymore. And maybe she can’t. Maybe people have a breaking point regardless of what that means.

 

He’d apologized, told her he didn’t mean to intrude and she’d waved him off, said she’d open her doors to her family and help them if she could, how she could. She’d cleaned him up, bandaged his wound and made him rest after Morgan swore he’d go back out and find Beth and bring her back.

 

Turned out there was no need for Morgan to look. Beth had found her way to him.

 

A knock on the door roused her blonde head and she looks at him first, touches his lips with a finger, traces the curve of his cheek bone and eases herself up off the bed leaving him with an ache and something like fire where her finger had traced his face.

 

Rick and Michonne come in, followed by Glenn and Morgan. The small room is suddenly too small and Daryl sits up, rests his feet on the floor and looks around for his boots. They’re in Beth’s hands though and she sets them at his feet next to her own She slips her feet in them and starts lacing them up.

 

“We got a plan?” Daryl asks glancing up from tying his boots. They all look exactly how he feels, tired, dark smudges under their eyes from lack of sleep and too much worrying. Bruises and bandages, but nothing serious. It’s kind of disconcerting that they made it out with so little damage. Daryl wants to believe that maybe they gave Negan too much credit. Maybe he has a breaking point.

 

“We’re going into the Kingdom, find Jesus and see where we stand with numbers,” Rick says. “Then we go right to him, and end it.” He’s eating an apple and he holds one out to Daryl. And Daryl can’t remember the last time he saw an apple. They might have had them at Hilltop, but he doesn’t remember. He nods as he takes a bite and then holds it out to Beth. She smiles and takes it from him and he’s pleased with himself. He knew she’d smile, that was the whole reason he handed it to her. To see her smile. 

 

“A’right.” The sooner the better is what he’s thinking. Awake and doing nothing isn’t gonna work for any of them. “You comin’ with?” This is directed at Morgan and he can hear the gruffness in his tone. He doesn’t mean for it to come out that way, the man might have saved his life last night. He just needs to be sure because up until last night he thought Morgan was done with killing. Done, like Carol seemed to be.

 

“I’m gonna see this through to the end. So yes, I going with you.” Morgan is a good guy. He really is. Just like with Carol, he can’t fault them for their choices. They just aren’t choices he thinks he could ever make. There are things worth fighting for, things you have to kill for. People you would kill for. Beth hands the apple back to him half eaten and he smirks at her,  raising an eyebrow as he holds what’s left of the apple out in front of him.

 

“Sorry.. it was good.” She smiles again and that’s a good thing. She’s a distraction of the best kind, but they need to get up and go. The others are standing around the room and they don’t seem in too big a hurry to leave either. Rick is holding Michonne’s hand and he has this look on his face as he listens to whatever it is she’s saying to him, softly so no one else hears. Daryl wonders what he looks like when he’s looking at Beth and watching his brother he hopes with everything he’s got that they make it out of this. Cause they have so much to live for, so much to build on. All of them. He rubs his face and stands up. They’re ready as they’ll ever be.

 

“Let’s get outta here.” 

 

* * *

 

Leaving  is hard.  Walking away. They were supposed to be done with this now, done and moving forward. But they're not and Carol is here and she’s staying and not coming with them and even though everyone else seems to have accepted this, Beth is having a hard time with it. There are hugs and Carol says come back if they need a place or first aid. Really? That’s all. Beth isn’t paying attention as they walk down the path and out the gate, following Morgan into the Kingdom to find the rest of their people. Her knife in it’s sheath is tapping her leg softly with each step she takes. When they are a little ways down the road she stops and turns around to look one more time. Carol isn’t standing on the porch or by the door or even in a window. She sent them on their way and that’s it. It’s quiet, no walkers, the sun is shining and there are even birds calling to one another in the distance. If she closed her eyes she could pretend. Pretend nothing changed. Pretend the world is what it was or that Carol is on her porch watching them go and feeling something like guilt. She sighs when she hears boots scraping in gravel and she knows he’s coming back to her. Making noise on purpose.

 

“Beth?”

 

“She isn’t watching us go. We’re walking away and it’s possible this could be the last time.. I went through hell and back to get to you, to all of you, because you’re my family. It’s all I wanted- I just can’t, she’s giving up on us cause it’s hard? Cause it hurts too much?” Beth hears the tremor in her voice and when Daryl takes her hand and makes her walk with him she goes. There’s no reason to continue looking for someone who made their choice.

 

* * *

 

The Kingdom through Beth’s eyes isn’t as ridiculous as it had been Daryl’s first time. Because Beth is like a child and everything she sees delights her and watching her just makes him feel good.

 

“They’re singing over there Daryl! They have an actual choir!” She’s tugging on his hand.

 

“Ain’t got nothin’ to sing ‘bout.” Daryl pulls her along. They have things to do and as much as he’d like to just wander around with her and pretend nothing else matters but this moment, he can’t do that, they can’t. He watches as the others disappear into the theater. That’s where they’d met with Ezekiel before.

 

“Do ya gotta have a reason? Can’t they sing just to sing? And there’s gardens?” She looks longingly as they pass, at the community members watering and weeding gardens that seem to be flourishing. Daryl had to admit that apple earlier had been good. And they grew it here. That should be a little miracle right there.

 

“Alexandria’s got gardens girl,” Daryl growls, but he’s smiling a little too. “Wait’ll ya see the tiger.” Ok so he’s going to feed into her excitement just a little. Good things need to be grabbed ahold of an relished for what they are when you can get them.

 

“Oh god I forgot about the tiger! I admit this place is a little over the top, I mean, the knights and a King, but it’s not a bad place Daryl.” No it’s not so bad with her here. Still they can’t waste time, they have to go.

 

“Com’on.” He tugs on her hand again, gently, and she moves in beside him. Right where he wants her to be.

 

* * *

 

Beth is trying to concentrate on the discussion, but it’s impossible. There is a tiger lounging on the stage where Ezekiel, King Ezekiel sits. Shiva. She’s flicking her tail lazily and her eyes keep closing and then snapping open when she hears something none of the rest of them can hear and Beth is completely fascinated. 

 

“ I see the lady is enchanted by my Shiva.” Beth feels the heat in her cheeks and she steps over next to Daryl. This King Ezekiel person is looking at her with a smile on his face.

 

“I’m sorry. I’ve just, I’ve never seen a tiger anywhere, but in a zoo.” She glances back over at the beast and smiles.

 

“I hear you were at the factory, with Negan. But you left?” It’s like being pushed from behind when you least expect it and for a minute Beth feels like she just might fall, but Daryl’s hand at the small of her back steadies her. 

 

“I was,” Beth says quietly.

 

“Ain’t nothin’ gonna come of knowing that.” Daryl’s voice is low and he moves closer to Beth glaring up at this man, the King on his throne on the stage. The facade he has created slips a little and suddenly Beth starts to see the Kingdom for what it really is. It’s just people trying to hold onto something, something like what they had before or maybe even something more. And in order to do that they have to pretend. Pretend that things are better than they are and that they will continue to be. Until they aren’t.

 

“I was taken, I didn’t choose to go there. And I escaped. You don’t get to choose to leave.” Beth stares at the King. “You don’t know how bad it can be there. You have-” But she's cut off by his voice as it echoes through the room only it’s not so Kingly now.

 

“They came, the Savior's, last night, while you were out there fighting, and they took two of our women with them. Negan’s orders they said. We’ve always gotten on quite well in our arrangement with Negan. Lately though things haven’t been so copacetic.”

 

Beth feels a surge of anxiety rush through as she remembers what it felt when she first got there, the factory, and realizing that she had just been delivered to the closest place to hell she’d ever been. Daryl leans in close to her, watching her face.

 

“Ya okay?” He’s keep his voice down, this is just for her to hear and the intimacy of his closeness and the warmth of his breath on her cheek calms her and she nods firmly. Because she is okay. She really is.

 

“You thought it was always going to work?” Rick asked. This is his first time in the Kingdom too and the expression on his face is easy to read. He isn’t sold on this place. He may not think it’s a joke like Daryl, but it’s obvious he has his concerns, they all do. But they did send some of their people to help fight last night and that counts for something.

 

“I had hoped. But no I did not believe that it would last forever, the arrangement we have with them.” King Ezekiel looks down to where Shiva lay beside him and then back up at Rick. 

 

“So what are your plans Rick Grimes? And what more can I do?” The King has a small, sad, smile on his face and Beth looks over at Daryl, he’s watching the interaction between Rick and the King intently. 

 

“We’re going right to him, tonight. Anything you can spare, weapons, more people willing to fight, possibly die…” Rick rubs his face and looks over at Beth. “Maybe there’s a chance you can get your women back. Maybe.” Beth nods at him. This is something. 

 

“I’ll go too. I won’t send my people into a battle again without fighting beside them.” Beth can see the fear plain on his face, but she sees something else, she sees courage in the face of the impossible. Because right now Ezekiel is just a man and he isn’t sure, but he’s willing to try.

 

“Okay.” Rick smiles. “Okay. Then it’s time to talk strategy. Let’s find Jesus.”

 

* * *

 

Jesus and the Hilltop people have joined them, a few were lost last night in the woods, but not many. And no one from Alexandria was lost. Sasha, Carl, Rosita, Aaron, Eugene, they’re all accounted for.

 

The strategy is simple. And it’s one that Daryl likes and can relate to, wrap his head around. They have explosives, they have hand grenades and RPGs, they have two trucks filled with walkers and they have a plan that sounds absolutely fucking crazy, but it might work. If anything it will cause a whole hell of a lot of trouble for Negan and his factory.

 

“So we’re taking out walls and doors on one side and another group is going in on the other side? Is that going to work?” Michonne voices what everyone is probably thinking. Daryl thinks it could work. It’s the best plan they’ve come up with yet because it is so far fetched.

 

“ ‘S gonna distract a whole lotta them Saviors and we can get in the back.” They will be that group. Daryl plans on finding Negan and making sure he’s good and dead. He doesn’t expect it to easy. There will probably still be people they’ll have to deal with once they’re inside, but with all the other going on it shouldn’t be too many. He’s confident. He just wants in there and at this guy.

 

“What happened to Dwight?” This comes from Beth and leave it to her to be worried about this man. Daryl doesn’t care either way. At least he doesn’t think he does.

 

“He’s here. In the infirmary and they are doing what they can for him. He shared a lot of information with me about how this can work tonight.” Jesus seems pleased with whatever Dwight has told him. “I have a group going directly for weapons. A stash that Negan kept hidden and trusted Dwight with it’s location. The people in charge of the trucks and walkers know what to do also.” Jesus smiles. “It’s a good plan.”

 

“Alright. So everyone knows where they are going to be.” He looks over the group that has gathered there. “It might go smoothly or might all fall apart. Just do what you can and if you’re in a situation where falling back will save your life, then do that. Your lives are important, more important than dying if you don’t have too.” Rick makes eye contact with Daryl and it’s done. Now they just wait.

 

* * *

 

It took forever and it came to quickly and Beth can tell she isn’t the only one who is nervous and scared. They are at the point in the plan where the groups slowly split off one by one and the last one to go is the small group of their family, the other half of them. Glenn, Rosita, Eugene, Aaron, Tara and Heath. She won’t think to hard about this. They have a plan. ANd part of that plan is to survive.

 

“Stay safe. And make it out of there. That’s not a request, it’s a command.” Rick tries to smile at the others, but it’s half hearted.

 

“You too, all of you.” Glenn says looking at Beth. And then they take off, into the darkness towards the unknown. 

 

They are standing in a forested area just outside the factory. There is a fence with an opening in it. And the fact that no one fixed this opening after her escape is proof the decision to come in this way was a good one. So far. This is where Beth came out injured and scared, but free. This is where she’ll go back in, but this time she isn’t alone.

 

“Ready?” Daryl shoulders his crossbow and Beth moves in beside him. Rick takes the lead with Michonne and Carl is just a couple of steps behind his dad. Daryl and Beth follow, flanked by Sasha. They take their time. They are supposed to give the groups with the grenades a couple of minutes to unleash the first round of explosions and hopefully create some chaos that will benefit them. Beth feels the anticipation churning in her gut, waiting for that first grenade to go off is the worst kind of anticipation, but when it finally happens it’s a relief because now they can go. And she can do instead of just think.

 

* * *

 

Going in is easy. The hard part is after. The grenades have caused the chaos they’d hoped they would, but they’ve also created dust and potential hazards like bodies and parts of building and debris that blocks their path.

 

“Eyes open.” Daryl calls out. And he’s still got a hold of Beth. He’ll only have to let go if he has to use the bow. He leans in close to her as they move and lifts their clasped hands.

 

“If I gotta let go for somethin’, you grab ahold of my belt okay?” 

 

“I will and you do the same.” She didn’t have to remind him, he’ll be holding on or she’ll be right in his line of sight at all times. 

 

Once they’re inside the fence things abruptly change and the yard is filled with blown up walkers and Saviors stumbling all over themselves to get out. Most pay little attention to them or anyone around them for that matter but that doesn’t last.

 

Daryl feels himself being pushed hard and he stumbles into Beth. Before he can regain his footing shots are fired and he sees Rick raise his gun from one body crumpled on the ground the point it in another grimy face. 

 

“It’s you assh-” What ever else he was gonna say is cut short and Rick moves ahead shooting whoever comes at him. Another explosion sends debris flying through the air and it rains down on them and he hears Beth’s cry.

 

“What? What is it?” He’s pulled her in and she’s shaking her head hold her arm up.

 

“Nothing, a rock or something. I’m ok.. Daryl! Sasha!” He follows her gaze and sees the other woman locked in a battle for her gun. Daryl pulls the crossbow around and takes aim. As he does that Beth slips her hand into his belt, like she promised, and holds on as they move towards Sasha.

 

It goes on like this for a few more minutes. Daryl is coughing. The dust is enough to take them all out and a struggle with another errant Savior left him with a fist full of of bleeding knuckles. He follows Beth’s lead because all of a sudden she’s out front and headed toward the looming shadow of the factory in front of them. 

 

* * *

 

Suddenly it’s almost quiet. At least right in the general area they are standing. Further out there are still shouts and shots and the muted groans of walkers. She can hear all this. But right here it’s quiet and clear and they can walk right in. She feels like running. Chasing through those cold, dimly lit hallways and searching, finding their intended target and- and she isn’t sure anymore what she’ll do then. She just knows that that is where she, no they need to be. They aren’t unscathed. They’ve fought to get here. She can taste the blood on her lip from a cut given to her by the butt of a gun. The Saviors had started running low on ammo fairly quickly and resorted to lashing out physically.

 

“Hey? You okay? Beth?” Sasha has a hand on her shoulder and she’s looking at Beth, really looking. Beth can see a dark purple bruise is beginning to blossom on her cheek bone. And then Daryl is there, reaching out a hand and running a finger across her cheek, her wet cheek. Wet with tears that she wasn’t even aware she was crying. The bandage Carol used to wrap his head from the injuries the night before is gone and his hair is tangled in the blood that’s dried there.

 

“Beth.” Just her name. But she knows it’s loaded with everything he wants to say but won’t, not here. Mainly he is asking without words, what’s wrong? Why the tears? Rick and Michonne are waiting, ready. She just shakes her head and gives him a small, firm smile. One that only shows in the line of her mouth, the tiniest of a curve at each end.

 

“It’s hard.. But I’m good. Let’s go. I, I know the-” The sound of footsteps has them all in defense mode, weapons raised. Rick and Daryl move ahead and around them, in front of  where Michonne, Beth, Carl and Sasha all stand and Beth is tempted to take two steps forward and stand beside Daryl, because they are doing this together, but she’ll give him this. For now.

 

“Rick.” A voice. Quiet and calm. Glenn followed by the rest of them, her family, their family. Rosita, Eugene and Aaron. And then Tara and Heath, with Morgan bringing up the rear. All with their own battle scars. Torn shirts, scrapes and cuts, blood and bruises. 

 

“You’re in.” Aaron says and Rick nods and Beth can see the hardness in his eyes, his own questions. Because they aren’t supposed to be here. The less people on the inside, the less the chance to lose. But before he can voice these concerns Morgan steps forward a pistol in his hand. 

 

“You think we’re letting you go in there alone?” The tension that was just there swirling around them dissipates and they move in together as a group. Rick’s eyes flick to the gun Morgan has in his hands and then to Daryl and finally to her and the other two women standing on either side of her.

 

“Wasting time, we gotta move.” Daryl’s voice is low and although his eyes are on her it carries with it a warning to all of them. He’s right they need to move. They’ve been standing still for to long now. 

 

“Come on, come.. Just follow me. I know where to go.” Beth isn’t sure exactly how she knows, but all of a sudden she just does. And everything comes back. All the memories she pushed to the darkest recesses of her mind come rushing back with stark clarity and she just follows them. The halls are empty, they always were before. No one ventured this way unless they were summoned or forced. Her vision is blurred and she wipes her eyes with the cuff of her jacket. She hears Daryl’s strained sigh behind her and then he’s there beside taking her hand in his, lacing their fingers together and holding on.

 

“Don’t you let go.” This is meant for her, but it carries in the silence and maybe it gives strength to all of them because their pace quickens and Beth feels their arrival before she sees the door. A big door. Wooden and painted black. It’s closed and most likely locked. Rick approaches it and listens, reaches out and tests the knob which doesn’t give under his hand. Locked. 

 

There is a loud crack and Rick is standing there with his hatchet in his hand and the door is swinging open.

 

Negan is there. Lucille across his knees. A big grin on his face. Beth stops just inside the doorway. She can’t go any further. It’s hard to breathe and she just needs a minute. The others slip by and put a barrier between her and this place, this hell she had hoped she’d never see again, but knew it was inevitable. Daryl is beside her and he’s looking around and the horror on his face is evident and the anger is there in the set of his shoulders and the harsh breaths that whistle softly between his clenched jaw. He’s looking at the bed and remembering the things she said in Rick’s living room the night they brought her home. And the nightmares later in her own room, in her own bed in the place she could now call home. But she had to say them, had to get out them out and he had stayed there with her then, held her through it all and now it’s a reality, right in front of him. But he’ll stay with her again. She knows that, doesn’t even question it. She moves to stand in the circle of his arms, rubs his shaking hands with her own and takes a deep breath.

 

“It’s over Negan.” Rick’s voice is loud and echoes around the room.

 

“So it is.” Negan isn’t afraid. There is no fear in his voice. But that cockiness, that surety that always came off as somewhat sinister isn’t there either.

 

“I never underestimated you Rick, just hoped I could continue to out wit you- I knew eventually one of us would have to die.” Beth can see him, still smiling, still sitting there like he’s waiting and suddenly she’s afraid. And that makes her angry. 

 

“Go ahead, “ Negan says. “You won.” And he lowers his head in submission. Maybe, just maybe he’s done too. Like Dwight and Sherri. Tired of the rules of this new world.

 

“Not me,” Rick says although he keeps his gun trained on Negan’s forehead. “Beth?”

Her name. She’s cold and shivering, but she steps forward when the others open a path for her. Daryl follows behind her because there is no way he’s gonna let her go this alone.

 

Negan lifts his head and the slight look of confusion on his face is replaced with recognition and something else she can’t identify.

 

“Awe Princess.. my little fighter., you came back.” He chuckles. 

 

Beth faces him, her head held high. Daryl is behind her, his gun raised and pointing at Negan. Michonne and Sasha followed by Rosita flank her sides.

 

“Yeah I’m back.” Beth is surprised at the strength in her voice. She feels anything but strong right now.

 

“Had her all the time?” This is directed at Rick. But he doesn’t respond, just nods at Beth.

 

“I did what Sherri wanted- what she asked me to- and I lived.” Beth takes a step forward as Rick grabs ahold of Negan’s hair jerking his head back a little and his eyes meet hers and this time she nods. 

 

The pistol is in her hands and she feels the weight of it as she raises her hands and aims. Right at his forehead, just like Rick was doing only seconds ago. She didn’t fight back like she should have before, she can now. She can stop him once and for all. They can stop him because they did this together.

 

“You musta missed me baby girl.. you came back.” He’s smiling and it’s whispered just for her. He’s taunting her and looking into his eyes she questions whether or not he is just plain evil or if it’s possible he wants out too.

 

_ ‘They always come back.’  _ The words come back to haunt her. 

 

“Go to hell.” The blast from the gun makes her ears ring and she’s covered in bits of bone and brain and blood. Rick’s hands are red with it. He’s lowering Negan’s body back on the chair when the gun falls from her hands, hits the floor with and sharp metallic crash and the sob that’s been nesting in her throat finally bursts free. There is no satisfaction in this. No retribution. It was simply something that had to be done. And now it is and she turns in circles searching for the one place she needs to be.

 

_ ‘Killing them isn’t supposed to be fun.’   _ Not the dead. Not the living.

 

Daryl backed off with the others after the gun fired to check the hallway, guard the door, but she finds him and then she’s running. He raises his head, sees her coming and moves forward to meet her when a loud explosion shakes the ground under their feet and the air around them is filled with chunks of cement and dust and debris. He was there and now he’s not. All she can see is gray.

 

* * *

 

“What the fuck?” Daryl moves forward even though he can’t see anything because of all the dust, but he knows she’s there, she was just right there. The fact that this explosion is coming so long after the others means that it was probably not one the people on their side are responsible for. “Beth? Rick? Where ya at?” He doesn’t like the sound of desperation he hears in his voice, much less the panic he feels taking hold of his chest and squeezing like a vice.

 

“I’m here Daryl. Everyone move to the door. Let’s get out of here.” Rick’s shadow and then his solid form is in front of Daryl.

 

“Those could be faulty sticks of dynamite goin’ off late. A lot of Ezekiel’s stock was damaged.” This is from Rosita. She had taken charge of explosives. She’d been trained in the reserves before the turn.

 

“Beth?! Dammit girl where are ya?!” He’s beyond caring what he sounds like, he just needs to hear her, touch her, have proof she's okay. Then he feels it, a hand at his side, curling into his belt and yanking hard. He slips his arm around her waist and pulls her tight against him. “Yer, okay, ya... Beth?!”

 

A sob, but she’s nodding against his chest, trying to catch her breath. Still moving forward. So he takes her lead and they go. The others are calling out and moving in close and pretty soon they're all back within arms length of each other and doing their best to get out of the building through holes blasted in it by dynamite, grenades and whatever else their people got their hands on. Smoke and orange flames dot the area and Rick just keeps pushing forward to the fence and the hole and then they are out for real. The sky is still dark, but Daryl can see the stars and the tops of trees and he hears Beth breath a sigh of relief against him. How they managed to get out of there without falling all over each other is a miracle to him. They’re walking like they're both drunk on moonshine and barely holding one another up. They stop just inside the cover of the trees and there’s nervous laughter and concerns over cuts and bruises as everyone checks each other out.

 

“Beth?” He takes her face in his hands and even though it's dark, the moon affords him enough light to see her tear streaked face. “Girl, “ he whispers and rests his forehead against hers. He takes the bandana from his back pocket and wipes the blood and gore from her neck and the front of her shirt. It’s methodical and calming, doing this semi-normal thing and he keeps his eyes on her face while he does it. She holds out her hands and he wipes those too. 

 

“You’re okay?” She’s touching his face, scanning his body, checking the cut in his head.

 

“I’m good if yer good.” She’s shaking a little, he notices that, but before he can question it she slides her hands into his hair and pulls his face to hers and kisses him long and hard. It takes his breath and he has to pull away for a second for oxygen. Then his arms are around her and one hand is tangled in her ponytail and she’s laughing into his mouth as they kiss. He smiles against her and nips at her lip, but suddenly freezes when he hears whistles and clapping.

 

“Damn Dixon I didn’t know you had it in ya!!” Glenn is mimicking him in his redneck voice and Daryl is thankful for the cover of darkness cause he knows he’s as red as a tomato. But he doesn’t let her go, keeps her right up against him. He does let go of her ponytail, praying silently to himself that no one caught that.

 

“Okay, okay. We’re good.” Rick is weary and Michonne is practically wearing the coat he has on with him. The others have their arms draped around shoulders, resting on backs and everyone looks like a war victim, but they’re smiling. “Let’s go see where we stand.”

 

“You did it. He’s gone.” Daryl whispers this against the shell of her ear. 

 

“Yeah, yeah. He’s gone.” He can hear it, in her voice. She did it and she’d do it again and again, but she didn’t enjoy it. Didn’t get anything back by doing it.

 

“Killing ‘em ain’t fun. Ain’t supposed to be. An it ain’t easy. Did wha’ ya had to. ‘S gonna be ok Beth.” His voice is trembling and that’s okay. For her it’s okay. She lets her hand slide down his side and she takes his hand and laces their fingers together.

 

“I love you Daryl.” She’s smiling up at him and he’s right back there on that moonshine shack porch with her and all her hope and smiles and if he knew then what he knows now? Well he’d do it all again if he had to, to get to this right here.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes all it takes is getting rid of the poison to cure the wound. Or at least begin healing it. It’s like Grady, in a way, all over again. Beth remembers how things had changed after she woke up. Dawn was gone and the people she controlled were no longer just an extension of her, they were able to be who and what they wanted. And they weren’t all bad.

 

That’s what’s happening at the factory. Negan is no longer inflicting his fear tactics on the people he ruled over and the majority of them don’t want a community ran the way he ran theirs. Some were still not content with giving up power to the majority so they chose to leave. Whether or not they pose a problem in the future remains to be seen. But there will be a plan in place on how to deal with those problems because they’ve started to rebuild and this time the communities will work together for the greater good instead of trying to just take over.

 

Dwight went back to the factory, what there was left of it and decided to try and rebuild something there. Something better and he has the help of the Saviors who never agreed with Negan’s rules, but had to survive somehow.

 

Morgan went back to the Kingdom with Ezekiel to keep doing the good he felt he was doing there. And they have plans to start a council that will include members from all the communities. They did find the two women who were taken and took them back with them.

 

Carol stayed in her little house on the edge of the Kingdom. At least for now. They went to her after everything and told her they were going back. Daryl asked her to come, told her that she was wanted, that he wanted her there, they all wanted her there, but she chose to stay where she was. For now. She mentioned in an offhand kind of way that maybe helping in the Kingdom would be something she could do. Daryl seemed to take this personally until Beth told him that she’d heard a few rumours of a ‘thing’ between Carol and the King. Daryl had laughed out loud, but after giving it a second thought he approved of it. 

 

Tara and Heath decided to join Aaron and go out recruiting or rather mapping this new world. They will live in Alexandria when they aren’t forging new territories. And sometimes they will hang out at the Hilltop. Supposedly Tara made a friend and Heath wants to keep his options open.

 

Jesus is now unofficially in charge at the Hilltop. Gregory died in the war at the factory which didn’t cause anyone much heartache. And although Jesus isn’t sure just being a ‘big boss’ is what he wants for now he will be there for his people.

 

Alexandria is still home for the rest of them, actually it’s more home now than before. Rick and Michonne lead together, but they have a council and it’s just like at the prison and it’s working really well. Daryl is there to assist Rick, but he has his ‘things’ he does. He hunts for the community and trains others to hunt and track too. Most of the time Beth is right beside him assisting wherever necessary or just ‘bein’ a pain in tha’ ass’, according to Daryl. They have their own house which is something they are both still getting used to. Maggie had to remind them that they had rooms to use and that a mattress on the living room floor wasn’t necessary anymore. Especially after the morning she walked in on Daryl sleeping completely naked. Beth had laughed so hard. She’d never seen a pregnant woman do a complete 180 and hop down a small flight of stairs like that. Maggie had confessed in secrecy to her sister later on that naked Daryl was definitely not scary, all those muscles upon muscles, no it was naked Daryl catching Maggie looking that was scary. Of course Beth had told him, she was still using it as a way to tease him. A least once in awhile because when she did he refused to sleep next to her, grabbed his crossbow and headed out. Usually just to the backyard until he couldn’t stand it any longer and had to go back in, to her and their bed that they shared in their own house. Sleeping anywhere, but wrapped up in each other wasn’t something either of them wanted to do. Sometimes she still dreams about standing on the edge of that meadow and seeing him with his crossbow and thinking he wasn’t real.

 

But she always wakes up and he’s real beside her, snoring or smothering her with a arm he’s flung over her face in his sleep. He has to have a hand or leg or foot touching her when they’re in bed. And usually if she moves he wakes up right away. Always afraid she’ll disappear. Tonight she managed to turn over without waking him and she’s watching him sleep. He looks so much younger without the weight of the world on his shoulders. The lines in his face smooth out and sometimes he smiles at the things he’s seeing behind his eyelids. She can imagine the little boy he once was, she can imagine the little boy that could be right here nestled between them, a cross between his grumpy daddy and his beautiful mommy. Or it could even be a little girl. She isn’t sure. But she’s gonna have to tell him that she’s late. Actually she’s missed two periods. She’s worried sure, and nervous, but they’ve come a long way and this world has come a long way and Maggie’s baby is gonna need a partner in crime isn’t it?

 

“Daddy.. Daddy Daryl..” She whispers trying it out and he mumbles something and pulls her closer to him.

 

“I tol’ ya Beth I ain’t in ta that shit.” He rubs his prickly scruff against her face and she giggles.

 

“Oh, but you will be.”

 

“Go ta sleep girl.” It’s only seconds and he’s snoring so she settles in next to him, her hand on her tummy and sleeps too.

 

_ ~fin _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was always going to be Beth that ended it in my fic. I am curious to see who will be the chosen one in the show.. or if he'll even die?? Hmmmm.. Thanks again! You guys rock and even though some of this fandom makes me want to scream, Bethyl is beast! Or best.. or, well you know!


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